So, I've had my music out on MySpace for some time, and it surprised me the other day when I got a message from someone who was interested in booking a gig for me to play with some other bands. I was excited. It was an opportunity I'd dreamed of. To have a set of my own for me to show off my talents in front of a ready-made crowd. Problem is, I have no band.
No problem. I remember The Player, with whom I played piano some time ago. He's got equipment, connections, talent, etc. Perfect. So I write to him first telling him of my good fortune, and he's willing to help. While I'm waiting for him to respond, I do some light reading on this company that contacted me. Their terms are not unreasonable, but I'm not sure that they'll work out so well for me. There's also a lot of dissention on their practices.
You see, the gigs they schedule are scheduled at good venues, but done on off nights -- usually Tuesday, Wednesday, Sunday, that sort of thing. They charge a cover charge of $10-$12 for these shows which is a tad steep for an off night, especially when dealing with relative unknowns. You are scheduled with usually 4 other groups, which is fine. Reviews I've read, however, say that the music selection is usually very... eclectic. Which works for an iPod, but not so much for a concert where each group is hoping to gather some fans from the other. I mean, if I play my light rock and you've got grunge, neither of our respective fans are going to like the other group.
Finally, they want you to pre-sell tickets to your fans the tickets are cheaper than the door price $7-$8 compared to the $10-$12, but still... There isn't anything terribly unreasonable about this. After all, theoretically, Billy Joel is expected to draw his fans to his concerts as well. Trouble is, I have no fans. I have no advertising, nor any way of really getting myself out there other than playing like this. So I have a catch-22 of needing the fan base to play, but not able to get said fan base without playing. And then, you want to charge then to see me before they decide whether they're fans or not. Their solution? Sell to friends and family. Not unheard of, but it's a weeknight and they have to work tomorrow. I'm not a salesman, and I'd rather not sell to my family. I'd rather give them a pass in.
Don't get me wrong, though. If you fail to draw fans, you can still play. However, your pay for the gig and your play order are dependent on how many tickets you pre-sell. Hence, you sell only a few, then you probably play first and get near nothing for doing so. I play for the love of playing, so really, none of this is an issue. But I also suspect that my truthfully writing 0 fans and no, not willing to sell tickets won't fly with them. I mean, you get a cut of the door draw...as long as they came to see you.
So it's not unreasonable for a company to expect you to draw an audience to book you. Can't blame them. I'm just not enough of salesman to give them what they want.
However... The Player has connections. He knows how to book gigs as well. hence, there is a distinct possibility that the reason I got this invite was not to play shows on a Tuesday night while trying to pre-sell tickets to my lack of friends. Maybe it was the call to action I've needed for awhile to form a group and play. After all, I wouldn't have done it had I not gotten this invite. I've always held out saying I didn't have the space or resources or whatever, and yet, I used my resources to form a near instant group when the chance to play came up. Interesting, huh?
I'm curious to see where this goes. I haven't decided what to do with that company, but if I can play gigs without worrying about an audience draw, that would be ideal. That way, I'm not buying fans, I'm earning them. Maybe that's what bugged me...
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
You Cannot Escape
So I was leaving work yesterday much like I do every day. I mean, we've got to go home sometime, right? I came out of the parking garage and found that some guys had blocked the exit due to hanging Christmas decorations. This is fine. I figure I'll drive across the parking lot of the building next door to hit the light so I can turn left toward 61st. Otherwise, that left hand turn ain't gonna happen. Normally, I just go straight to 61st and turn right onto it.
Well, I drove across the parking lot and there are cops blocking the exit to go both left toward the light and right which goes up and over the hill to hit 61st from the other direction and still turn right onto it. This is still no problem, because I can go over the hill by driving past the main entrance of the parking garage. So I turned around in the parking lot and headed to the street that ran over the hill to make another attempt to go for 61st.
I drove past the parking garage and saw some guys blocking off the way to go up the hill. I thought, "Are you kidding me?" Apparently, someone doesn't want me to go to 61st street today.
So I gave up, and just turned right to head toward 71st street, which is ultimately closer to my destination anyway, but is a bit more crowded than 61st. Still can't believe three exits were blocked off...
Well, I drove across the parking lot and there are cops blocking the exit to go both left toward the light and right which goes up and over the hill to hit 61st from the other direction and still turn right onto it. This is still no problem, because I can go over the hill by driving past the main entrance of the parking garage. So I turned around in the parking lot and headed to the street that ran over the hill to make another attempt to go for 61st.
I drove past the parking garage and saw some guys blocking off the way to go up the hill. I thought, "Are you kidding me?" Apparently, someone doesn't want me to go to 61st street today.
So I gave up, and just turned right to head toward 71st street, which is ultimately closer to my destination anyway, but is a bit more crowded than 61st. Still can't believe three exits were blocked off...
Monday, November 23, 2009
How Can You Miss This?
So the parking garage for my company has wooden bars that are there to prevent people who are not authorized to park in this parking garage from parking there. Ever since I started, there has never been an exit bar when you leave. When you drive past the thing where it is supposed to be, you can see that it works, because the little metal holder for an arm moves. So it's hooked up.
Recently, they put in an exit bar. It was a shiny new white bar that magically moves up and down when you approach it at a reasonable speed so you can exit and know that when you park in there next time, you are safe from illegal parker people.
Apparently, this long, white bar is difficult for some people to see, or they approach the exit too quickly. This exit bar has been broken off three times since they've tried to put one up. The second time, I saw the bar sitting off to the side, and the next day they had put it back in, though it was conspicuously shorter than it had been previously. Wonder what happened? It had even been hit once before it broke as it was actually lop-sided one day.
Well, when I drove past it the next, it was broken again, and while I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they try again, right now, the exit bar is gone with only its splintered remains decorating the exit "kiosk." Seriously, to break this thing off, you either have to be flying out of that parking garage or going the wrong way. Come on, people. If you see something blocking your path, the idea is NOT to hit it.
Recently, they put in an exit bar. It was a shiny new white bar that magically moves up and down when you approach it at a reasonable speed so you can exit and know that when you park in there next time, you are safe from illegal parker people.
Apparently, this long, white bar is difficult for some people to see, or they approach the exit too quickly. This exit bar has been broken off three times since they've tried to put one up. The second time, I saw the bar sitting off to the side, and the next day they had put it back in, though it was conspicuously shorter than it had been previously. Wonder what happened? It had even been hit once before it broke as it was actually lop-sided one day.
Well, when I drove past it the next, it was broken again, and while I'm sure it's only a matter of time before they try again, right now, the exit bar is gone with only its splintered remains decorating the exit "kiosk." Seriously, to break this thing off, you either have to be flying out of that parking garage or going the wrong way. Come on, people. If you see something blocking your path, the idea is NOT to hit it.
Friday, November 20, 2009
There Are Times Not To Play on Facebook
So if you've been alive in the last few months, you've probably heard of Facebook. It's the social networking website that is taking over the world. Hopefully, their server can keep up with the demand.
One thing available on Facebook is games. Now, you play these games and as you progress (depending on the game), it will ask you to post your status in the game. Some games even require social interactions from your friends to continue playing. This is all very well and good, people have fun with the games, and it serves to bring people closer together and on Facebook longer.
However, there are times when you probably shouldn't be playing games. One of these times is while you are at work. Now, I'm good with checking your status occasionally. That's not a big deal. But games at work... That's at work on the clock as opposed to on lunch or break or something. How, you ask, do I know someone does this? Well, obviously it goes on, but in the case of one person, I saw several game updates crop up while was supposed to theoretically be working.
Call me strange, but that doesn't strike me as the brightest thing to do. If you play, at least keep it to yourself. Don't advertise.
One thing available on Facebook is games. Now, you play these games and as you progress (depending on the game), it will ask you to post your status in the game. Some games even require social interactions from your friends to continue playing. This is all very well and good, people have fun with the games, and it serves to bring people closer together and on Facebook longer.
However, there are times when you probably shouldn't be playing games. One of these times is while you are at work. Now, I'm good with checking your status occasionally. That's not a big deal. But games at work... That's at work on the clock as opposed to on lunch or break or something. How, you ask, do I know someone does this? Well, obviously it goes on, but in the case of one person, I saw several game updates crop up while was supposed to theoretically be working.
Call me strange, but that doesn't strike me as the brightest thing to do. If you play, at least keep it to yourself. Don't advertise.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Perceived Insignificance
Every job is a self-portrait of the person who does it. Autograph your work with excellence.
I got a land yacht car from my brother-in-law to drive to work, and in the back seat was a book called God's Little Devotional Book For Men. After I disposed of the cover, which was in poor shape from sitting on the floor of the back seat for three years. One window didn't close completely creating a heck of a humid environment, though the book itself never got wet. But I digress... What I wrote above is a quote I read in there this morning, and personally, I try to do the jobs I do as well as I can because I know the result reflects on me.
Not everyone feels this way, however. No where is this more apparent than in the service tickets that people create to send to this other department. As I indicated in a previous post, people get away with stuff because they can, and I'll grant that this other department's requirements are more than just a little over the top. Yet, we have to follow them, and since people don't, I get to do something called gatekeeping to make sure they do.
What is interesting is what you can perceive about people through these little virtual items that pass by me in droves every day. People tend to create their tickets the same way and have the same types of information every single time. For any given person, you can tell whether they take the requirements seriously, have any respect for the other department, understand their job, or sincerely want to do their best every time. There are people whose name I like to see come up, and others whose tickets I dread opening because I know what I'm going to find.
These people boil down to three basic categories. The best one is those who follow instructions and do a great job in ensuring that these tickets have sufficient information to not only complete the job at hand, but give sufficient understanding to anyone looking at the ticket. By looking the ticket over, I know what the problem is, what the customer wants, and even what needs to be done to fix it (if only I knew the first thing about how they do their job to fix it). These are works of art, and you can tell the people making them respect either the people receiving the tickets, or have at least been threatened to the point that they understand and respect their jobs. These reflect well on them.
At the other end of the spectrum are the ones who either can't or don't want to follow the simple list of instructions for these tickets. Something is always missing, and when you bring it up, they get ugly stating that the other department will accept the ticket without this. This attitude of theirs led me to correcting these tickets myself in most cases, since the information was actually contained in the ticket; it was just in the wrong place. They couldn't be bothered to even move a piece of info from point A to point B. Clearly, they despise the other department's requirements, have a disdain for having to make these tickets to their specifications, or just don't understand why they need to do what they need to do. It's usually the same people too.
In the middle are actually the most irritating of the bunch. You see, while you have a leg to stand on in requesting more information from the rule-breakers, this next lot gives you enough to fit the bill, but not enough to understand the problem unless you "know" enough about the background processes. Trouble is they do include the information that is required on the list of instructions, so as much as you might want to send it back for more clear information, you can't because they followed the rules to the bare minimum letter. They know exactly how much it takes to get by, and they do no more than that. Their regular tickets that only have no requirements are nightmares to decipher. When I get one that I have to actually fix in my real non-gatekeeping job, it usually takes me twice as long since I have to decipher what the problem is before I can even begin. By contrast, I can usually solve tickets from the first category without any information gathering because of their completeness.
So, if I ever become a manager, having had the insight I'm getting from this gatekeeping process, which group do you think I'd want on my team?
I got a land yacht car from my brother-in-law to drive to work, and in the back seat was a book called God's Little Devotional Book For Men. After I disposed of the cover, which was in poor shape from sitting on the floor of the back seat for three years. One window didn't close completely creating a heck of a humid environment, though the book itself never got wet. But I digress... What I wrote above is a quote I read in there this morning, and personally, I try to do the jobs I do as well as I can because I know the result reflects on me.
Not everyone feels this way, however. No where is this more apparent than in the service tickets that people create to send to this other department. As I indicated in a previous post, people get away with stuff because they can, and I'll grant that this other department's requirements are more than just a little over the top. Yet, we have to follow them, and since people don't, I get to do something called gatekeeping to make sure they do.
What is interesting is what you can perceive about people through these little virtual items that pass by me in droves every day. People tend to create their tickets the same way and have the same types of information every single time. For any given person, you can tell whether they take the requirements seriously, have any respect for the other department, understand their job, or sincerely want to do their best every time. There are people whose name I like to see come up, and others whose tickets I dread opening because I know what I'm going to find.
These people boil down to three basic categories. The best one is those who follow instructions and do a great job in ensuring that these tickets have sufficient information to not only complete the job at hand, but give sufficient understanding to anyone looking at the ticket. By looking the ticket over, I know what the problem is, what the customer wants, and even what needs to be done to fix it (if only I knew the first thing about how they do their job to fix it). These are works of art, and you can tell the people making them respect either the people receiving the tickets, or have at least been threatened to the point that they understand and respect their jobs. These reflect well on them.
At the other end of the spectrum are the ones who either can't or don't want to follow the simple list of instructions for these tickets. Something is always missing, and when you bring it up, they get ugly stating that the other department will accept the ticket without this. This attitude of theirs led me to correcting these tickets myself in most cases, since the information was actually contained in the ticket; it was just in the wrong place. They couldn't be bothered to even move a piece of info from point A to point B. Clearly, they despise the other department's requirements, have a disdain for having to make these tickets to their specifications, or just don't understand why they need to do what they need to do. It's usually the same people too.
In the middle are actually the most irritating of the bunch. You see, while you have a leg to stand on in requesting more information from the rule-breakers, this next lot gives you enough to fit the bill, but not enough to understand the problem unless you "know" enough about the background processes. Trouble is they do include the information that is required on the list of instructions, so as much as you might want to send it back for more clear information, you can't because they followed the rules to the bare minimum letter. They know exactly how much it takes to get by, and they do no more than that. Their regular tickets that only have no requirements are nightmares to decipher. When I get one that I have to actually fix in my real non-gatekeeping job, it usually takes me twice as long since I have to decipher what the problem is before I can even begin. By contrast, I can usually solve tickets from the first category without any information gathering because of their completeness.
So, if I ever become a manager, having had the insight I'm getting from this gatekeeping process, which group do you think I'd want on my team?
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
I Didn't Know You Used ALL the Programs on this Machine
This was pretty amusing when Optimus Prime told me about it. I just had to post it to share with all of you wonderful person that reads this blog.
So this IT guy at this hospital decided to take the CPU that Our Software was installed on, back up what he thought he needed to back up, re-format it and then pop a new machine in its place for the end user, who had no idea this was going on. I mean, why check with the actual user of the computer before switching it and completely repurposing the old machine? She got into work the next day and found that Our Software wasn’t there at all. The IT guy came out and tried to re-install it, but part of it won’t work now primarily because he didn’t know how the program worked so he didn’t know that a) it needed to be saved and b) what part of it he needed to save. What did they do next? Call us to fix it. Oh, and it needs to be done NOW.
So, naturally, we did what we could with this, but really, it wasn't going to work without a reinstallation. And since this program is fairly customized from place to place, he'd better hope that he backed up the right parts of the software or we're talking a cost to the tune of no less then $500 depending on how customized it was and how much time it will take to get it going again. But hey, he was proactive in keeping the end user on an brand new, updated computer.
Now, this was an older product, and I think Prime talked the end user into exploring the newer version of it since they were going to have to pay anyway. That newer version is much easier to maintain for them and us.
This whole scenario is akin to you changing out my car while I’m sleeping and putting a new one in its place. The new car is great and all, but you didn’t move the locks over and you don’t have a new key to give me because you threw those out thinking they weren’t needed anymore. To top it off, I can’t even have my old car back because you sent it to the scrap yard and now it’s a big square paperweight. Let’s call Ford. I’m sure they can fix this.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Because They Can
As I stood on the eighteenth floor of the building I work in looking down on the world, I saw a FedEx van pull up in front of the gas station across the street. He didn't park in a designated parking space, though. Instead, he parked longwise across three spaces. I knew immediately that this guy was there for a delivery, as opposed to just stopping to get a Coke. I knew this because delivery trucks often park illegally to make a delivery because "they'll just be there for a second." Trouble with this picture is that it's a convenience store. Everyone is "just there for a second." Why do they park this way? Because they can. It's how they operate and we know this.
It got me to thinking about how a lot of people live their lives. How many times do people break rules because they can? Now, the rules are not always hard and fast laws such as the parking scenario. On a screenwriting board I'm a part of, someone asked about a writing convention we refer to as "we see." They asked if it's okay to write like this. Of course, you're welcome to write however you think will tell the story, but I responded saying that "we see" is generally a lazy way to write a screenplay because there are better ways to write whatever you're trying to write. This led to the overblown discussion of how other people do it, professional scripts, competition winners, yadda-yadda-yadda. It's a frustrating discussion to read, and I'll spare you the headache. My point was simply that despite what other people do, that doesn't mean it's the best way to write it.
Another situation is at work. I get to review these service tickets to make sure they're correct before sending them to another department. Two reasons: that department is just that picky and a lot of people don't want to follow the requirements if the other department will just take them. It's the latter part of that statement that I deal with more than anything else. I commented once that someone left out a required piece of information, and I immediately got a remark that the other department will take it without that info. This may be true, but it didn't change that the information is required according to the guidelines. Just another instance of someone trying to do less than they should because they can.
Yet another instance is the off hours at church. I've been to a couple outside of service hours, and what usually goes on is people park in the handicap spaces. Am I aware that no handicapped people are likely to show up and need the space? Of course. But there is a law that gives requirements for parking in handicap spaces, and from a Christian standpoint, we're obligated to follow the laws of the lands so long as they don't violate God's laws. There is a parking lot full of spaces. Why break the law? What is that saying? You don't want to walk a dozen more steps?
I strive fairly often to be the best I can be at whatever I do. This involves often going beyond the requirements, but I always start by meeting the requirements, following the rules, or doing what is right according to established guidelines. All of these examples are very, very minor things. And yet, in each of these examples someone is being less than their potential best in favor of making things a bit easier for them. But what would it hurt to start with that extra step? Park the FedEx truck correctly and leave the spaces open. Alter the "we see" descriptions to something else. Follow the ticket guidelines. Park in a non-handicap space if you don't meet the guidelines. I do all of these. It doesn't hurt me at all.
What part of you does this boil down to? Character. Character is defined by what you do when you're alone. If Jesus were looking over your shoulder every minute of every day, would you do what you're doing now? Oh wait. He is.
It got me to thinking about how a lot of people live their lives. How many times do people break rules because they can? Now, the rules are not always hard and fast laws such as the parking scenario. On a screenwriting board I'm a part of, someone asked about a writing convention we refer to as "we see." They asked if it's okay to write like this. Of course, you're welcome to write however you think will tell the story, but I responded saying that "we see" is generally a lazy way to write a screenplay because there are better ways to write whatever you're trying to write. This led to the overblown discussion of how other people do it, professional scripts, competition winners, yadda-yadda-yadda. It's a frustrating discussion to read, and I'll spare you the headache. My point was simply that despite what other people do, that doesn't mean it's the best way to write it.
Another situation is at work. I get to review these service tickets to make sure they're correct before sending them to another department. Two reasons: that department is just that picky and a lot of people don't want to follow the requirements if the other department will just take them. It's the latter part of that statement that I deal with more than anything else. I commented once that someone left out a required piece of information, and I immediately got a remark that the other department will take it without that info. This may be true, but it didn't change that the information is required according to the guidelines. Just another instance of someone trying to do less than they should because they can.
Yet another instance is the off hours at church. I've been to a couple outside of service hours, and what usually goes on is people park in the handicap spaces. Am I aware that no handicapped people are likely to show up and need the space? Of course. But there is a law that gives requirements for parking in handicap spaces, and from a Christian standpoint, we're obligated to follow the laws of the lands so long as they don't violate God's laws. There is a parking lot full of spaces. Why break the law? What is that saying? You don't want to walk a dozen more steps?
I strive fairly often to be the best I can be at whatever I do. This involves often going beyond the requirements, but I always start by meeting the requirements, following the rules, or doing what is right according to established guidelines. All of these examples are very, very minor things. And yet, in each of these examples someone is being less than their potential best in favor of making things a bit easier for them. But what would it hurt to start with that extra step? Park the FedEx truck correctly and leave the spaces open. Alter the "we see" descriptions to something else. Follow the ticket guidelines. Park in a non-handicap space if you don't meet the guidelines. I do all of these. It doesn't hurt me at all.
What part of you does this boil down to? Character. Character is defined by what you do when you're alone. If Jesus were looking over your shoulder every minute of every day, would you do what you're doing now? Oh wait. He is.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
The Circle of Life
So my last post had to do with a funeral, and this one is no better. Kind of sad I come out of a hiatus on here to post about another death in my family, but while the last was the Queen's great-great aunt from Arkansas, this one was my maternal grandmother, who was also my last grandparent. The last death in my family occurred in 1993, so it's been quite a while, and this one obviously hit me a little harder. Right now, I'm basically disacknowledging it, but the Queen has noted that I look very tired lately and my back felt very tight. I may be keeping a lot in.
Strictly speaking, I don't show a lot of emotion. It's not necessarily a matter of choice. I just don't emote very much. I had an initial cry when I learned she died, and again when I told the princesses. The Queen had to finish telling them because I couldn't.
In her life, my grandmother had seven children, which leaves behind a legacy even now as most of the children had at least 2 children, and easily half of those had given her at least 2 grandchildren. I say at least because (for instance) my mother had three children, but of the three of us, I'm the only one with children, but I have three. My mother's older brother had two, and each of them have had two as well. The estimation is probably close given how variable life really is. Bottom line is that her service will be crowded.
For my part, thinking about her, I only knew tidbits of her life. The most prominent trait I remember is her attitude. She was very insistent on making sure things got done and mostly done her way. If she had an opinion, you knew it. Unfailingly. This created a little tension, as you can imagine, between her and several people, but as she got older, she mellowed considerably. She suffered the majority of her adult life from rheumatoid arthritis, but it never slowed her down. She had some special gadgets to help her do life on her own since her husband (my grandfather) died back in 1978. Hence, she spent her senior years without her partner, and yet, she was never really alone. Not with her considerable family around.
We saw her a couple times a year usually because she lived in Edmond, which is outside Oklahoma City in a house that could best be described as being reminiscent of a really, really long trailer home. Now, this was a permanent structure, but it amounted to a long hallway with rooms down on side of it. I believe there were four rooms in the main house, but when you crossed an area referred to as the "breezeway" (because it wasn't always walled in), there were two more rooms over the garage. The house was built from a reptile house that (I think) originated from the Oklahoma City Zoo back in the 60's. It was moved out there, given a foundation, built onto, and made a home for a growing family (I can't remember whether mom said her youngest twin sisters were born at the time).
She came around a few times since the Queen and I were married, including Ladybug's first birthday. The only times I'd seen her over the past few years were family reunions, but we could see her health deteriorating as she allowed herself to be taken about in a wheelchair. A part of my vacation was devoted to going to the assisted living center where she spent the last days of her life so the girls could see the woman they had in their prayers every night since I started praying nightly with them. While her body was frail, her mind was no less than it ever was. She still asked for things with the same authority of a woman who firmly raised seven children. She struggled with nothing when we were there.
Last Thursday, we heard that she had wheeled into her room and backed her wheelchair up to the desk in her room. She planned to walk across her room to her bed and lie down, but the next thing she said she remembered was waking up on the floor. She was rushed to the hospital where they found she had a broken femur, a bump on her head and a bruise on the brain. The doctor believed that her bones had grown so brittle, that as light as she'd become, her leg had broken under her own weight. They wanted to do surgery to set the leg so it could heal, but her heart was too erratic to do anything. She was going to stay in the hospital until she was stable enough to take care of the leg.
That evening, her doctor had a conversation with her and told her that she would be unable to return to the assisted living center because she no longer had the strength to take care of herself. "I know," she told him.
On Friday morning, at around 5am, her heart stopped. But she wasn't done yet because it started back up. She was advised at that time that in order to control her heart rate, they would need to put in a pacemaker. Firm and stubborn to the end, she told the doctor that she only wanted the pacemaker that God gave her, and wasn't interested in another one.
One of my cousins had recently given birth to her second child, and realizing the gravity of grandma going into the hospital the previous night, she prepared to go to Oklahoma City that morning so that her daughter could at least meet her grandmother for just a second. She stated on Facebook that she had just gotten out of Claremore (Northwest of Tulsa) when she got the call. She was too late.
Just before 9am, my grandmother's heart stopped again.
Carmelita Ruth (Shane) McCoy: October 8, 1929 - November 6, 2009
The dash between her dates was filled with life, love, and family. The church will be crowded.
Strictly speaking, I don't show a lot of emotion. It's not necessarily a matter of choice. I just don't emote very much. I had an initial cry when I learned she died, and again when I told the princesses. The Queen had to finish telling them because I couldn't.
In her life, my grandmother had seven children, which leaves behind a legacy even now as most of the children had at least 2 children, and easily half of those had given her at least 2 grandchildren. I say at least because (for instance) my mother had three children, but of the three of us, I'm the only one with children, but I have three. My mother's older brother had two, and each of them have had two as well. The estimation is probably close given how variable life really is. Bottom line is that her service will be crowded.
For my part, thinking about her, I only knew tidbits of her life. The most prominent trait I remember is her attitude. She was very insistent on making sure things got done and mostly done her way. If she had an opinion, you knew it. Unfailingly. This created a little tension, as you can imagine, between her and several people, but as she got older, she mellowed considerably. She suffered the majority of her adult life from rheumatoid arthritis, but it never slowed her down. She had some special gadgets to help her do life on her own since her husband (my grandfather) died back in 1978. Hence, she spent her senior years without her partner, and yet, she was never really alone. Not with her considerable family around.
We saw her a couple times a year usually because she lived in Edmond, which is outside Oklahoma City in a house that could best be described as being reminiscent of a really, really long trailer home. Now, this was a permanent structure, but it amounted to a long hallway with rooms down on side of it. I believe there were four rooms in the main house, but when you crossed an area referred to as the "breezeway" (because it wasn't always walled in), there were two more rooms over the garage. The house was built from a reptile house that (I think) originated from the Oklahoma City Zoo back in the 60's. It was moved out there, given a foundation, built onto, and made a home for a growing family (I can't remember whether mom said her youngest twin sisters were born at the time).
She came around a few times since the Queen and I were married, including Ladybug's first birthday. The only times I'd seen her over the past few years were family reunions, but we could see her health deteriorating as she allowed herself to be taken about in a wheelchair. A part of my vacation was devoted to going to the assisted living center where she spent the last days of her life so the girls could see the woman they had in their prayers every night since I started praying nightly with them. While her body was frail, her mind was no less than it ever was. She still asked for things with the same authority of a woman who firmly raised seven children. She struggled with nothing when we were there.
Last Thursday, we heard that she had wheeled into her room and backed her wheelchair up to the desk in her room. She planned to walk across her room to her bed and lie down, but the next thing she said she remembered was waking up on the floor. She was rushed to the hospital where they found she had a broken femur, a bump on her head and a bruise on the brain. The doctor believed that her bones had grown so brittle, that as light as she'd become, her leg had broken under her own weight. They wanted to do surgery to set the leg so it could heal, but her heart was too erratic to do anything. She was going to stay in the hospital until she was stable enough to take care of the leg.
That evening, her doctor had a conversation with her and told her that she would be unable to return to the assisted living center because she no longer had the strength to take care of herself. "I know," she told him.
On Friday morning, at around 5am, her heart stopped. But she wasn't done yet because it started back up. She was advised at that time that in order to control her heart rate, they would need to put in a pacemaker. Firm and stubborn to the end, she told the doctor that she only wanted the pacemaker that God gave her, and wasn't interested in another one.
One of my cousins had recently given birth to her second child, and realizing the gravity of grandma going into the hospital the previous night, she prepared to go to Oklahoma City that morning so that her daughter could at least meet her grandmother for just a second. She stated on Facebook that she had just gotten out of Claremore (Northwest of Tulsa) when she got the call. She was too late.
Just before 9am, my grandmother's heart stopped again.
Carmelita Ruth (Shane) McCoy: October 8, 1929 - November 6, 2009
The dash between her dates was filled with life, love, and family. The church will be crowded.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Observations on a Trip
So yesterday, me, the Queen, and the princesses took a road trip to Arkansas to bid farewell to the Queen's great-great aunt. She was 93 and led a very full and happy life, by the sounds of what was said at the funeral. It made me wish I actually knew her. She sounded interesting.
We headed out of Tulsa on highway 412 at 6 in the morning and I noticed something rather amusing. Tulsa is the big city in my part of the state. The suburbs around it are mostly bedroom communities, though some, like Broken Arrow, have grown so large that they have a life of their own outside Tulsa. Well, the road ahead of us was completely clear at that time of the morning. Very few vehicles heading east. Now, the road coming into Tulsa was whole different story. We checked out the headlights on the other side of the road and there was a long, long line of them constantly rolling in. I guess a lot of people from outside of Tulsa come to the "big city" to find work. Granted, I work in Tulsa, but I also didn't pick my job either.
So we got to Arkansas, and there were more observations to be had. First, as you may know, Arkansas is the birthplace of Wal-Mart. It's based out of Bentonville, which we have driven through before. We passed a Neighborhood Market while in one of the town between here and our destination of Huntsville. Now, we have a neighborhood market in Broken Arrow, but it's referred to as a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market. This particular store was called Neighborhood Market by Wal-Mart. It has the new orange firework looking symbol, so we're not sure if it's new or old branding it this way.
More amusing than that was two towns Arkansas has. One of them is Huntsville, which is where we were heading to (or Huntsvul, as it's pronounced there where people are "borned"). Not far from Huntsville is a town called Hindsville. Sure it's not spelled "Heinz," but to have two ketchup (or catsup, depending on your preference) cities so close together has made me wish that Worchestershire was closer than the UK. Now, the company that does Vlasic pickles is out of Fayetteville, so there's a good possibility of some condiment activity there.
What would be the most memorable thing for the princesses? Going a few miles on unpaved, country roads to the cemetery. Yeah, us city folk don't do country roads much.
We headed out of Tulsa on highway 412 at 6 in the morning and I noticed something rather amusing. Tulsa is the big city in my part of the state. The suburbs around it are mostly bedroom communities, though some, like Broken Arrow, have grown so large that they have a life of their own outside Tulsa. Well, the road ahead of us was completely clear at that time of the morning. Very few vehicles heading east. Now, the road coming into Tulsa was whole different story. We checked out the headlights on the other side of the road and there was a long, long line of them constantly rolling in. I guess a lot of people from outside of Tulsa come to the "big city" to find work. Granted, I work in Tulsa, but I also didn't pick my job either.
So we got to Arkansas, and there were more observations to be had. First, as you may know, Arkansas is the birthplace of Wal-Mart. It's based out of Bentonville, which we have driven through before. We passed a Neighborhood Market while in one of the town between here and our destination of Huntsville. Now, we have a neighborhood market in Broken Arrow, but it's referred to as a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market. This particular store was called Neighborhood Market by Wal-Mart. It has the new orange firework looking symbol, so we're not sure if it's new or old branding it this way.
More amusing than that was two towns Arkansas has. One of them is Huntsville, which is where we were heading to (or Huntsvul, as it's pronounced there where people are "borned"). Not far from Huntsville is a town called Hindsville. Sure it's not spelled "Heinz," but to have two ketchup (or catsup, depending on your preference) cities so close together has made me wish that Worchestershire was closer than the UK. Now, the company that does Vlasic pickles is out of Fayetteville, so there's a good possibility of some condiment activity there.
What would be the most memorable thing for the princesses? Going a few miles on unpaved, country roads to the cemetery. Yeah, us city folk don't do country roads much.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Resentment
So one of the things this week on the whole 60-60 deal has to do with resentments. Now, I'm the first to say that I don't hold grudges, but as I pondered anything that I actually resent, I've found that a certain resentment (that I've already referenced) has been eating away at me for years. I started thinking about it in the present, but ending up tracing it back to even before I was married.
What is this resentment? I resent the blind rejections I've gotten from local theatres, who are only interested in pre-existing productions to get (and I was literally told this once) "butts in the seats." Never mind that I knew at the time that one production sold 20 seats. Yeah, 2-0. Twenty. So you're telling me that a locally written show wouldn't have enough draw to get more than 20 people in the theatre? Move on from that to query letters for musicals. No response or at least negative ones. Move on to query letters for screenplays. I've had two responses to read my scripts in the myriad of letters I've sent.
This is a sort of grudge that has been pent up for years upon years. It has affected most of my decisions as to what to do in regards to this career path of writing. It lead me to wanting to do it on my own. I mean, over ten years of denial leads you into crazy decisions. One might suggest that maybe I should consider just accepting my fate in the career I'm in that I only kind of like. I love writing, and honestly, I don't beat the dead horse of the same story over and over. No, I sent letters for a variety of things that I've written. These are things that other people (who don't have to like my stuff) have said is good or well-written. Basically, the resentment stems from my belief that I can't write a query letter to save my life, and if I could only get someone to read my actual scripts, they'd fare better.
That being said, I opted to consider it all from a more logical standpoint. People who read these letters are gatekeepers. Their job is to screen these ideas and find what they think will sell based solely on the words of the author. After all, a movie is a multi-million dollar business venture, and you can't risk that on a shaky idea. A musical is even more so, and even riskier since the actors are live and there every night. You can't dump money into something that is only a maybe. I have trouble writing query letters. But at the same time, these gatekeepers get hundreds of these daily. They probably have hundreds of scripts lined up to read on the weekends that did get past the query letter.
It's not a pretty system, but if I did have a production company, and I was accepting submissions, I would unfortunately have to say that I'd probably do it the same way. Give me your pitch, and I'll decide whether I want to spend time on the script. I once said that I'd give everyone a chance, but you know what? I couldn't. I'd want to, but it's just not feasible. And I'll bet some of these companies want to as well, which is why they opened their doors to unsolicited queries. They are forced to pass on the ones that MIGHT be good ideas for the ones that sound like they ARE good ideas. They know that some of those "mights" could be winners and that they're missing out, but what can they do?
Backing up further, community theatres have very limited budgets to play with, and taking a chance on something that no one has ever heard of is very, risky. They might lose their shirt on an established play, but they cna also point to awards the play has won and justify their selection. If they choose a total unknown and lose their shirt, they can't justify it very easily other than local flavor. And in all fairness, the show I was toting around back then WAS read by a community theatre group, and in equal fairness, they were right about its merit. It was hard to follow and hard to understand because I didn't write it very well. So, I have to admit that their rejection was completely justified.
Today, I have one that is actually better. My pride has this far prevented me from showing it to them or contacting them on it. Will they summarily reject it? You know, last week, I would have said "yes," followed up with some very snide remarks about them. Now? Well, now, I have to admit that I don't know. It's been 12 years since I talked to them. They've turned over since then, I'm sure, and who knows what they'll do? I do think that I'll continue my plan with this show to record it in its entirety as a concept recording. Then I might go to them and ask again if they'll have a look with this recording in tow. What's the worst they could do? Say no? Then where will I be? Right where I am, that's where.
So, I want to say that none of these people wronged me. It wasn't personal; it was business. I should not resent them for doing their jobs, and as such I forgive them. I forgive every rejection I've received since this resentment has made one part of me very, very bitter, and I need to let it go. So it's gone, and now I'll look forward with perhaps a shred of hope that not every query letter will turn out in failure. However, I'm listening to God for when they should be sent and where. I know I won't just release this immediately, but I know that admitting that it's there and wanting to be rid of it will step me in the right direction, and take me that much closer to peace in my life.
What is this resentment? I resent the blind rejections I've gotten from local theatres, who are only interested in pre-existing productions to get (and I was literally told this once) "butts in the seats." Never mind that I knew at the time that one production sold 20 seats. Yeah, 2-0. Twenty. So you're telling me that a locally written show wouldn't have enough draw to get more than 20 people in the theatre? Move on from that to query letters for musicals. No response or at least negative ones. Move on to query letters for screenplays. I've had two responses to read my scripts in the myriad of letters I've sent.
This is a sort of grudge that has been pent up for years upon years. It has affected most of my decisions as to what to do in regards to this career path of writing. It lead me to wanting to do it on my own. I mean, over ten years of denial leads you into crazy decisions. One might suggest that maybe I should consider just accepting my fate in the career I'm in that I only kind of like. I love writing, and honestly, I don't beat the dead horse of the same story over and over. No, I sent letters for a variety of things that I've written. These are things that other people (who don't have to like my stuff) have said is good or well-written. Basically, the resentment stems from my belief that I can't write a query letter to save my life, and if I could only get someone to read my actual scripts, they'd fare better.
That being said, I opted to consider it all from a more logical standpoint. People who read these letters are gatekeepers. Their job is to screen these ideas and find what they think will sell based solely on the words of the author. After all, a movie is a multi-million dollar business venture, and you can't risk that on a shaky idea. A musical is even more so, and even riskier since the actors are live and there every night. You can't dump money into something that is only a maybe. I have trouble writing query letters. But at the same time, these gatekeepers get hundreds of these daily. They probably have hundreds of scripts lined up to read on the weekends that did get past the query letter.
It's not a pretty system, but if I did have a production company, and I was accepting submissions, I would unfortunately have to say that I'd probably do it the same way. Give me your pitch, and I'll decide whether I want to spend time on the script. I once said that I'd give everyone a chance, but you know what? I couldn't. I'd want to, but it's just not feasible. And I'll bet some of these companies want to as well, which is why they opened their doors to unsolicited queries. They are forced to pass on the ones that MIGHT be good ideas for the ones that sound like they ARE good ideas. They know that some of those "mights" could be winners and that they're missing out, but what can they do?
Backing up further, community theatres have very limited budgets to play with, and taking a chance on something that no one has ever heard of is very, risky. They might lose their shirt on an established play, but they cna also point to awards the play has won and justify their selection. If they choose a total unknown and lose their shirt, they can't justify it very easily other than local flavor. And in all fairness, the show I was toting around back then WAS read by a community theatre group, and in equal fairness, they were right about its merit. It was hard to follow and hard to understand because I didn't write it very well. So, I have to admit that their rejection was completely justified.
Today, I have one that is actually better. My pride has this far prevented me from showing it to them or contacting them on it. Will they summarily reject it? You know, last week, I would have said "yes," followed up with some very snide remarks about them. Now? Well, now, I have to admit that I don't know. It's been 12 years since I talked to them. They've turned over since then, I'm sure, and who knows what they'll do? I do think that I'll continue my plan with this show to record it in its entirety as a concept recording. Then I might go to them and ask again if they'll have a look with this recording in tow. What's the worst they could do? Say no? Then where will I be? Right where I am, that's where.
So, I want to say that none of these people wronged me. It wasn't personal; it was business. I should not resent them for doing their jobs, and as such I forgive them. I forgive every rejection I've received since this resentment has made one part of me very, very bitter, and I need to let it go. So it's gone, and now I'll look forward with perhaps a shred of hope that not every query letter will turn out in failure. However, I'm listening to God for when they should be sent and where. I know I won't just release this immediately, but I know that admitting that it's there and wanting to be rid of it will step me in the right direction, and take me that much closer to peace in my life.
An Update of Things
As usual, I post a lot, and then post nothing. A big reason for this was I ran into a lot of things I prefer to keep to myself and not have everyone out there know too much. I write a lot, sure, but there is a limit to how much the world needs to know. However, here are some bits of interesting-ness.
First, the issue with the Student Loan is taken care of. Yup, my number one prayer consideration is handled. I could afford $100 to throw at it each month, and we now owe $80 per month on it. God answers.
The press release on the book went no where. However, I felt lead to send query letters to agents again, but this time, I used the press release as a template for the letter. I sent the query to 20 agents and 6 summarily rejected it, leaving 14 that have not responded. Some of them do respond if they turn it down, while some don't. I struggled with whether that message was a leading or just my head talking again. I wrestled with it for a few days, and finally sent the letters using the method I'd done before the get name. But while before, I'd only sent to 4, this time, as I said, it was 20. We'll see what happens. It's always in God's hands.
The weirdest of the weird, however, was today. I was walking back into the area where I sit, and thought I should go ahead and walk the stairs. I like walking the stairs, but this time, I was in a state of total silence since my iPod was charging. I shrugged and went to the stairwell to walk. Down I went. 18 flights. When I walk the stairs, I pray for guidance as to what is next for me. I have plans, and questioned whether these plans were right for me or not since I realized that a lot of what I do is based on a heavy-duty resentment towards all the rejections I got from both shopping around my musicals and screenplays. I wondered whether the plans of self-producing the movies and musical concept recordings was within His will for my life. After all, my desire to go it on my own came out of sheer frustration and anger.
So at the bottom of the stairs, what thought comes into my head? Query on this fantasy adventure script I wrote couple years ago. I'm like, "what? Who am I going to query on this? I don't even know any addresses for people." The next thought was even more shocking. Query the guy I know at the Asylum. I stopped walking and again, was like "what? You've got to be kidding."
If you've ever heard of the Asylum, you will know exactly why this was probably the most laughable idea known to mankind. These people have 5 movies in IMDB's bottom 50. They have most recently made their name producing what they call "mockbusters," which are movies similarly named and themed to major studio releases, such as The Transmorphers, Hillside Cannibals, Alien versus Hunter, and The Da Vinci Treasure, and Snakes on a Train. Their initial claim to fame was bad horror movies that focused on blood and boobs over plot and character. Uwe Boll would be at home here.
So the thought of suggesting a special effects laden fantasy adventure story to them was nothing short of crazy talk. Of course, the thing is that the idea was so very far out that I figured I should probably do it. God suggests stuff that is really, really nutty at times and yet, it works out. I expect the guy there to reply with a no, but I included a way to find the script online in the simplest way possible: Google it.It's been posted for years, so it came up instantly in Google when I searched for it specifically.
That last bit is the real reason I decided to make sure I posted today. Strange things like that don't come up often, so I figured, "why not?" I would say "here's hoping," but my carnal mind still can't believe I suggested to him. I'm more of the persuasion to hide and watch to see how it will play out. How did I describe it in the email? I said, "I don't suppose you all are looking for a fantasy adventure script with an original story and a ridiculous number of special effects." Maybe he'll be endeared to my sense of humor.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Life in the Band
I had intended to post a couple of things over the last few days, but then I considered that some things might be better left kept to myself. As anonymous as this blog is, if you know me, it isn't too hard to figure out.
One development, though, that I can talk about is my receiving the invite to play with the worship team this coming Sunday. I actually got the invite to the planning site last week, and this group is a class act above my last church. Where I learned all of these instruments, I learned by weekly sight-reading. There were no rehearsals (well, they were rare). Where I am now plans each weeks in advance, there is a rehearsal the Wednesday before, and then a sound check and run through on Sunday morning before church. Online, they have every song to listen to and music to the majority of them so you can practice them. It's pretty nice. I played bass again with a group.
On trying to live closer to God, I did feel a bit of my conceit crop up on the way home last night. Mostly everyone said 'hi' to me last night, and then not much else. I admit that I was quiet, and most of my silence resulted from my reluctance to just start bragging about how multi-talented I am.I thought I played pretty decently for being in a new situation with a new group of people. No one said a thing to me about that. Not even a quick attaboy. Part of me wanted to be bothered over this, but I also considered that I got complaints, and really, the bass line is supposed to be invisible when it's there, but missed when it's not. Hence, if I remained an invisible groove, I did my job just fine. After all, I shouldn't expect accolades for showing, doing my job, and going home.
It was also difficult for me to acknowledge only what they said when people called me a bass player. I wanted to spout out all kinds of retorts, such as "yeah, tonight anyway" or "that's all they'd let me play this time." But in the end, I simply said "yes" and moved on. Truly speaking, at this point in my life, I am more of a piano player than anything. I spend most of my time practicing that instrument and prefer it over any other. But in both of the churched I've played with, the piano player carries the softer parts of the service, and it's usually one person every week.
This leads me to my one complaint/frustration (not sure which...maybe both, though I'm not really bitter or anything). I was told when I talked to the worship leader that they used a schedule to rotate people so everyone has a chance. I wonder, though, if I'd only indicated that I play piano, as opposed to the entire stage, if I would ever have had the opportunity to play. Once reason that I play multiple instruments is to be able to fit in to a group wherever they need someone. I just like to play. I would rather play piano, but anything is better than nothing. What makes me wonder is whether they don't schedule any other piano players because they don't know if anyone else can, they're afraid of anyone else not getting the flow of the service, or if the player herself demands to play every week and WILL NOT be supplanted. Could be any...or all.
Regardless, I am happy to play again. I am going to be patient and get to know everyone in the group before trying to take over :-) The worship leader is aware of everything I put down that I can do, so if the opportunity (or need) arises, I will trust that I will be placed where I am needed.
One development, though, that I can talk about is my receiving the invite to play with the worship team this coming Sunday. I actually got the invite to the planning site last week, and this group is a class act above my last church. Where I learned all of these instruments, I learned by weekly sight-reading. There were no rehearsals (well, they were rare). Where I am now plans each weeks in advance, there is a rehearsal the Wednesday before, and then a sound check and run through on Sunday morning before church. Online, they have every song to listen to and music to the majority of them so you can practice them. It's pretty nice. I played bass again with a group.
On trying to live closer to God, I did feel a bit of my conceit crop up on the way home last night. Mostly everyone said 'hi' to me last night, and then not much else. I admit that I was quiet, and most of my silence resulted from my reluctance to just start bragging about how multi-talented I am.I thought I played pretty decently for being in a new situation with a new group of people. No one said a thing to me about that. Not even a quick attaboy. Part of me wanted to be bothered over this, but I also considered that I got complaints, and really, the bass line is supposed to be invisible when it's there, but missed when it's not. Hence, if I remained an invisible groove, I did my job just fine. After all, I shouldn't expect accolades for showing, doing my job, and going home.
It was also difficult for me to acknowledge only what they said when people called me a bass player. I wanted to spout out all kinds of retorts, such as "yeah, tonight anyway" or "that's all they'd let me play this time." But in the end, I simply said "yes" and moved on. Truly speaking, at this point in my life, I am more of a piano player than anything. I spend most of my time practicing that instrument and prefer it over any other. But in both of the churched I've played with, the piano player carries the softer parts of the service, and it's usually one person every week.
This leads me to my one complaint/frustration (not sure which...maybe both, though I'm not really bitter or anything). I was told when I talked to the worship leader that they used a schedule to rotate people so everyone has a chance. I wonder, though, if I'd only indicated that I play piano, as opposed to the entire stage, if I would ever have had the opportunity to play. Once reason that I play multiple instruments is to be able to fit in to a group wherever they need someone. I just like to play. I would rather play piano, but anything is better than nothing. What makes me wonder is whether they don't schedule any other piano players because they don't know if anyone else can, they're afraid of anyone else not getting the flow of the service, or if the player herself demands to play every week and WILL NOT be supplanted. Could be any...or all.
Regardless, I am happy to play again. I am going to be patient and get to know everyone in the group before trying to take over :-) The worship leader is aware of everything I put down that I can do, so if the opportunity (or need) arises, I will trust that I will be placed where I am needed.
Friday, September 18, 2009
A Discovery
So this morning, I was pondering prayer, and I noted that one of my most memorable times to pray was when my time at US Cellular was coming to an end. That job was good for a time, but it didn't end well, and I found today that I still have quite a bit of bitterness over it that I need to get past. I guess I knew that already, but it hit me kind of hard this morning when I prayed about it.
The thing with USCC is that I had a supervisor that was terrible. Easily the worst I've ever had and hopefully the worst I ever will have. They were obviously looking to get rid of me as I received disciplinary stuff for all kinds of weird "offenses." My car's transmission decided to crap out on me, and so I was late because I had to limp that car back home, and get the other one along with waking every up so that the Queen could keep it. Written up for being late because "I always have an excuse." I was also written up for being late...during an ice storm and when the highways were completely snowed under.
Anyway, having been written up for this and actually setup on an official company performance improvement plan for failing to take responsibility for my actions (I suppose the transmission failure was my fault to an extent, you know - I should have known it would make me late), I was rather flustered. I prayed now and again about it, but it kept getting worse, and the stress of being on the verge of job death just made me lash out. Finally, I was past the date when it was supposed to have been reviewed. I had switched supervisors. I thought everything was going well, but it was still hanging out there. I finally said, "God, I don't know know what is supposed to happen with this, but thy will be done." I went to work, and shot off an email asking that the improvement plan be put to rest one or the other since it was past the date. I was fired the following day. How do you explain this in an interview? You can't say they were out to get you, because that doesn't fly. Easy answer. You don't. My official reasoning? "They said I wasn't dynamic." Not a lie either. That was part of their reasoning for firing me (along with clearly having issues with a female supervisor - yeah, they accused me of being sexist as well, which I did not include in any interviews). Yeah, I got a lot of confused looks.
But the lesson here is that after struggling for months at that job, I finally left the whole situation in God's hands, and he acted. Now, I'm in a job that is loads better than US Cellular. There is no comparison between the two. In less than a year, I was back up to the pay rate I had before. The hours are better. The management is better. The work I do is better. And here's the kicker: I didn't apply for it. I had my resume out on a couple sites, but this job is not one that I even knew about. I was contacted, interviewed, and hired based on the title of my job at US Cellular. And to top that off, that title actually had very little to do with this job.
God had a plan to improve my life at that time, and all I had to do was turn it over to him and let him do it. I still find that amazing.
But I was still fired for a stupid reason.
The thing with USCC is that I had a supervisor that was terrible. Easily the worst I've ever had and hopefully the worst I ever will have. They were obviously looking to get rid of me as I received disciplinary stuff for all kinds of weird "offenses." My car's transmission decided to crap out on me, and so I was late because I had to limp that car back home, and get the other one along with waking every up so that the Queen could keep it. Written up for being late because "I always have an excuse." I was also written up for being late...during an ice storm and when the highways were completely snowed under.
Anyway, having been written up for this and actually setup on an official company performance improvement plan for failing to take responsibility for my actions (I suppose the transmission failure was my fault to an extent, you know - I should have known it would make me late), I was rather flustered. I prayed now and again about it, but it kept getting worse, and the stress of being on the verge of job death just made me lash out. Finally, I was past the date when it was supposed to have been reviewed. I had switched supervisors. I thought everything was going well, but it was still hanging out there. I finally said, "God, I don't know know what is supposed to happen with this, but thy will be done." I went to work, and shot off an email asking that the improvement plan be put to rest one or the other since it was past the date. I was fired the following day. How do you explain this in an interview? You can't say they were out to get you, because that doesn't fly. Easy answer. You don't. My official reasoning? "They said I wasn't dynamic." Not a lie either. That was part of their reasoning for firing me (along with clearly having issues with a female supervisor - yeah, they accused me of being sexist as well, which I did not include in any interviews). Yeah, I got a lot of confused looks.
But the lesson here is that after struggling for months at that job, I finally left the whole situation in God's hands, and he acted. Now, I'm in a job that is loads better than US Cellular. There is no comparison between the two. In less than a year, I was back up to the pay rate I had before. The hours are better. The management is better. The work I do is better. And here's the kicker: I didn't apply for it. I had my resume out on a couple sites, but this job is not one that I even knew about. I was contacted, interviewed, and hired based on the title of my job at US Cellular. And to top that off, that title actually had very little to do with this job.
God had a plan to improve my life at that time, and all I had to do was turn it over to him and let him do it. I still find that amazing.
But I was still fired for a stupid reason.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Book News Release
As I've said, these posts are not so much for the self-promotion, but more what I've been finding as I pray more often. I mentioned the press release a couple days ago. Well, I've gone from zero knowledge about how to write a press release to having one completed now. It reads very smoothly and despite the fact that I cannot provide any reviewers' quotes, it seems fairly promising. I am rather proud of it considering, like I said, that I'd never written one before. I simply asked for the creativity to pull it off.
I'll be sending it around to news outlets to see where this goes. If I'm on track, then this will bring some impressive results. If I'm blowing smoke and thought it up on my own, then not much will happen with it. We shall see.
I'll be sending it around to news outlets to see where this goes. If I'm on track, then this will bring some impressive results. If I'm blowing smoke and thought it up on my own, then not much will happen with it. We shall see.
Imagine
I heard once that when you have a song go through your head, it might be God trying to communicate with you, especially if that song is completely random (from your point of view). This morning, I had a completely random song go through my head. I cannot think of anything I encountered that would have inspired this particular song, so I figured I would give it a listen and see if there is anything to it.
I would say there's some truth within these lyrics. Just like it is easy to take something out of context, it is just as easy to place something into too much context. John Lennon was a flower child and a half, to be sure. He was all about peace and love during the Vietnam War, and really against pretty much everything with any level of organization (you know, like the Beatles -- I digress).
Probably Lennon's biggest single hit was the song Imagine. As long as you don't pop the song into Lennon's personal context too much, you can glean his intent as well as fell the divine inspiration he was given (whether he knew it or not -- that's just how God works). From a global perspective, Lennon imagines there is nothing that makes people fight against each other. He believes that if none of these things existed, then there would be peace because people would have nothing to fight about. There is some merit to that thought, but with a complete absence of all of these things, we end up with anarchy. People need a direction of some kind. Fortunately, if we abolish everything on earth, we still have the guidance from Jesus.
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
In verse one, he debunks heaven and hell. Lennon himself probably did that on purpose to shy off all the uber-religious types, but look at WHY he says it. Note that the lyrics don't exactly say it's wrong to believe in heaven or hell, they only say "imagine." "Imagine all the people living for today..." That should sound familiar. Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow, for it will worry about itself. (Matthew 6:34).
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
Here, he tosses out countries and religion. Those are probably the two largest causes of war. People have their boundaries and in a quest for more power, they invade other countries. Those boundaries define who people are and how different they are from one another. And the establishment of religion makes the same kinds of boundaries and some even evoke violence. The crusades are the Christian example of violence related to religion and in modern history, 9/11 would not have happened if not for religious differences.
This would make one point a finger and state that I'm being religious here. Well, religion is an establishment and words are words. I view what I do as a lifestyle since I live it daily. I don't claim a specific denominational separation in my Christianity. At the same time, Jesus discouraged violence, making the "Christian" crusades actually wrong. He also discouraged forcefully "converting" anyone to what He taught. There are multiple examples of Him allowing people to walk when they couldn't do it, His teaching states that His way is a narrow path, and He even taught His apostles to not force the teaching on who they taught. They were to kick the dust from their shows as they left. Hardly a violent outlook.
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
This last actual verse continues to echo Jesus' teaching. Mark 10:17-31 tells of a rich, young man that came to Jesus and asked what he had to do to follow Him. The man had followed the commandments of Moses, but Jesus told him to get rid of his possessions. The guy was not able to do it. He wasn't able to "imagine no possessions" as Jesus encouraged. Besides, in Christ, we're a family -- a "brotherhood of man" as it were. At the end Matthew, Jesus tells the apostles to go into all the world.
I would say there's some truth within these lyrics. Just like it is easy to take something out of context, it is just as easy to place something into too much context. John Lennon was a flower child and a half, to be sure. He was all about peace and love during the Vietnam War, and really against pretty much everything with any level of organization (you know, like the Beatles -- I digress).
Probably Lennon's biggest single hit was the song Imagine. As long as you don't pop the song into Lennon's personal context too much, you can glean his intent as well as fell the divine inspiration he was given (whether he knew it or not -- that's just how God works). From a global perspective, Lennon imagines there is nothing that makes people fight against each other. He believes that if none of these things existed, then there would be peace because people would have nothing to fight about. There is some merit to that thought, but with a complete absence of all of these things, we end up with anarchy. People need a direction of some kind. Fortunately, if we abolish everything on earth, we still have the guidance from Jesus.
Imagine there's no heaven
It's easy if you try
No hell below us
Above us only sky
Imagine all the people
Living for today...
In verse one, he debunks heaven and hell. Lennon himself probably did that on purpose to shy off all the uber-religious types, but look at WHY he says it. Note that the lyrics don't exactly say it's wrong to believe in heaven or hell, they only say "imagine." "Imagine all the people living for today..." That should sound familiar. Jesus said not to worry about tomorrow, for it will worry about itself. (Matthew 6:34).
Imagine there's no countries
It isn't hard to do
Nothing to kill or die for
And no religion too
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
Here, he tosses out countries and religion. Those are probably the two largest causes of war. People have their boundaries and in a quest for more power, they invade other countries. Those boundaries define who people are and how different they are from one another. And the establishment of religion makes the same kinds of boundaries and some even evoke violence. The crusades are the Christian example of violence related to religion and in modern history, 9/11 would not have happened if not for religious differences.
This would make one point a finger and state that I'm being religious here. Well, religion is an establishment and words are words. I view what I do as a lifestyle since I live it daily. I don't claim a specific denominational separation in my Christianity. At the same time, Jesus discouraged violence, making the "Christian" crusades actually wrong. He also discouraged forcefully "converting" anyone to what He taught. There are multiple examples of Him allowing people to walk when they couldn't do it, His teaching states that His way is a narrow path, and He even taught His apostles to not force the teaching on who they taught. They were to kick the dust from their shows as they left. Hardly a violent outlook.
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
Imagine no possessions
I wonder if you can
No need for greed or hunger
A brotherhood of man
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world...
This last actual verse continues to echo Jesus' teaching. Mark 10:17-31 tells of a rich, young man that came to Jesus and asked what he had to do to follow Him. The man had followed the commandments of Moses, but Jesus told him to get rid of his possessions. The guy was not able to do it. He wasn't able to "imagine no possessions" as Jesus encouraged. Besides, in Christ, we're a family -- a "brotherhood of man" as it were. At the end Matthew, Jesus tells the apostles to go into all the world.
You may say I'm a dreamer
But I'm not the only one
I hope someday you'll join us
And the world will be as one
It appears that Lennon wasn't the only one. It appears that Jesus beat him to the punch a long, long time ago.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Windows Aftermath
So I arrived back at the car after work, and wouldn't you know it? The window works again.
Sinners and Windows
One thing that's bugged me about the angle church tends to take on a lot of stuff is the idea that everyone continues to sin, whether you like it or not. It gets to the point that church begins to feel like an alcoholics anonymous style meeting ("Hello, my name is ______, and I'm a sinner"). And while I'm sure that has a place for some, I don't quite understand the over-emphasis on it. The justification for this idea is one verse which says "All have sinned..."
Okay, all have sinned, I get it. I have sinned as well, but contextually, it's a past tense phrase. If we were meant to be continual sinners, it would say "all have sinned and continue to do so despite their better judgement." Rather, the past tense usage is the encouragement that there is hope for those who have into that "new creation" status the Sinners Anonymous meeting leaders don't dig into much. I have no doubt that there are people out there who use the "I'm a sinner" mantra to continue to sin since it's ok because everybody's doing it.
But to be honest, it bothers me to be continually called a sinner every time I walk in. I have spent many an hour in anguished prayer working to overcome the things that I've done that I know are sinful. When I walk in on a Sunday morning, my sin list would be a very short one, if any. I say that not necessarily to boast of how good I am, but how the presumption of a past tense verse leads us into believing that everyone is "doing it wrong." Jesus went through life without sinning, and since he was in a human body, it means it is possible for us to do that going forward.
No, we're not perfect, but even the alcoholic, years after his meetings, only tells people that he "used to be" an alcoholic. Well, all "have sinned," but we were also made into new creations through the blood of Christ, so I would thank them very much to please stop calling me an active sinner. If that's boastful, then let me boast that through the blood of Christ, I have been made free of these things, and ask why they insist on holding them over me. That is akin to our alcoholic having taken no drink is 50 years and still being called an alcoholic.
I do believe that people can reach the point in their lives where they can choose not to sin. We have complete control over our minds and bodies. We can choose our actions and thoughts. To be caught up in the idea that we are incapable of overcoming sin is to say that we are incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. I come back to the fact that Jesus did not sin. He was given the opportunity, and he chose not to. Since he is our example, I believe that we can follow that example as much as any other, and actually be children of God as opposed to "a bunch of sinners."
Now, that being said, as I pulled up to the security thingamabob outside the parking garage, I discovered, quite to my chagrin, that my driver side window motor has decided (since yesterday) to stop working. I cannot begin to iterate how annoying that was (and is). I would just like the car to work consistently for a little while without something else breaking. I haven't even gotten all the disposable parts changed out yet.
Okay, all have sinned, I get it. I have sinned as well, but contextually, it's a past tense phrase. If we were meant to be continual sinners, it would say "all have sinned and continue to do so despite their better judgement." Rather, the past tense usage is the encouragement that there is hope for those who have into that "new creation" status the Sinners Anonymous meeting leaders don't dig into much. I have no doubt that there are people out there who use the "I'm a sinner" mantra to continue to sin since it's ok because everybody's doing it.
But to be honest, it bothers me to be continually called a sinner every time I walk in. I have spent many an hour in anguished prayer working to overcome the things that I've done that I know are sinful. When I walk in on a Sunday morning, my sin list would be a very short one, if any. I say that not necessarily to boast of how good I am, but how the presumption of a past tense verse leads us into believing that everyone is "doing it wrong." Jesus went through life without sinning, and since he was in a human body, it means it is possible for us to do that going forward.
No, we're not perfect, but even the alcoholic, years after his meetings, only tells people that he "used to be" an alcoholic. Well, all "have sinned," but we were also made into new creations through the blood of Christ, so I would thank them very much to please stop calling me an active sinner. If that's boastful, then let me boast that through the blood of Christ, I have been made free of these things, and ask why they insist on holding them over me. That is akin to our alcoholic having taken no drink is 50 years and still being called an alcoholic.
I do believe that people can reach the point in their lives where they can choose not to sin. We have complete control over our minds and bodies. We can choose our actions and thoughts. To be caught up in the idea that we are incapable of overcoming sin is to say that we are incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. I come back to the fact that Jesus did not sin. He was given the opportunity, and he chose not to. Since he is our example, I believe that we can follow that example as much as any other, and actually be children of God as opposed to "a bunch of sinners."
Now, that being said, as I pulled up to the security thingamabob outside the parking garage, I discovered, quite to my chagrin, that my driver side window motor has decided (since yesterday) to stop working. I cannot begin to iterate how annoying that was (and is). I would just like the car to work consistently for a little while without something else breaking. I haven't even gotten all the disposable parts changed out yet.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
The Next Step
So I'm asking God for what comes next, and without thinking about it, I type "How to promote a self-published book" into Google. It seems that the goal is to write a press release about my book and shoot it via email (no interaction -- my favorite) to news outlets. We'll see how that goes...
I Want To Know You
Had another song going through my head. This one has been running through my head a lot lately, probably because I'm struggling to really know what I'm supposed to be doing. I have a lot of ambitions. Probably too many for one person. I work on screenplays, novels, music, along with producing, directing, and performing. I also want to be involved in something at church that I feel would work well for me, but is it best for me and them? I don't hear much back from the guy in charge, which is often an indicator to me that maybe I'm not supposed to be there (or be there yet). For me, it goes back to that parable of the talents. Jesus said if you don't use what He's given you, then you're in trouble. (Luke 19:11-27)
So for this issue of mine, it goes back to that patience thing again. I have to wait for results as well as waiting for the answer. Maybe I've heard it already and I'm just unsure. But as I wait, I hear this song... I just want to know Him more.
In The Secret by SonicFlood
In the secret
In the quiet place
In the stillness
You are there
In the secret
In the quiet hour I wait
only for You
Cause, I want to know You more
Chorus:
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more
I am reaching
for the highest goal
That I might receive
the prize
Pressing onward
Pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
Cause, I want to know You more.
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more
So for this issue of mine, it goes back to that patience thing again. I have to wait for results as well as waiting for the answer. Maybe I've heard it already and I'm just unsure. But as I wait, I hear this song... I just want to know Him more.
In The Secret by SonicFlood
In the secret
In the quiet place
In the stillness
You are there
In the secret
In the quiet hour I wait
only for You
Cause, I want to know You more
Chorus:
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more
I am reaching
for the highest goal
That I might receive
the prize
Pressing onward
Pushing every hindrance aside
Out of my way
Cause, I want to know You more.
I want to know You
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more
I want to touch You
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more
Considering Entre Dos Tierras
So I had this thought yesterday that the next song to play on my iPod was important, and as luck would have it, the next song to pop up was in Spanish. I have songs from not only Spanish, but Swedish, German, and French on my iPod because I am more about the music than the lyrics when I listen to music. Probably has to do with my growing up to classical. A lot of Heroes del Silencio doesn't work so well without knowing the lyrics, but I still like to listen to it.
So after getting home, I grabbed the lyrics that someone online had so very kindly translated, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Let's tear this song apart here.
You can give away your soul if you want power. It's easy to shoot off your mouth. If you want to repent, you have a lot to fix. But I'm not to blame for your failures. You lose faith, any hope is in vain, and I don't know what to believe. You forget about me when no one calls, and yet you blame me when they don't. You're stuck between two worlds and don't give yourself any air to breathe. Leave your old life behind and don't be bitter about it and get out of the way. And if you don't want to change your ways then you have a lot of crap to take.
Rewriting like that, it does have a message. And it works. If you want it all, that's cool. We know the prince of this world is eager to take your soul for empty power. It's easy to lose faith when things don't go our way, and even easier to blame God for every failure. But he's not to blame for it. The lyrics say lands, but I think it could also be worlds. I stand between heaven and earth wondering what I'm supposed to do, and yet the answer is also in the song. Leave yourself behind and get out of His way. If that's not ok with you, then have a mud pie.
Kind of a weird thing to say at the end, but I'm sure it's probably a Spanish (or Mexican) colloquialism or something. I'm sure they think our cliches are just as weird. I often doubt whether the voice I hear is God or not. His voice is referred to as a "still, small voice," but really, what is that? I know when I heard that the next song would be important, I wasn't thinking about anything, but trying only to listen. I can usually tell is my mind is running something or not, kind of like when your computer revs up, you know it's doing "something," but very often, I haven't know whether the voice was God or just me thinking about something. You can often tell when whatever you're pondering is worthwhile or true, but then there are other times when you can't know that until you do what it tells you to.
And that's the part that's really scary.
So after getting home, I grabbed the lyrics that someone online had so very kindly translated, and I've been thinking about it ever since. Let's tear this song apart here.
You can give away your soul if you want power. It's easy to shoot off your mouth. If you want to repent, you have a lot to fix. But I'm not to blame for your failures. You lose faith, any hope is in vain, and I don't know what to believe. You forget about me when no one calls, and yet you blame me when they don't. You're stuck between two worlds and don't give yourself any air to breathe. Leave your old life behind and don't be bitter about it and get out of the way. And if you don't want to change your ways then you have a lot of crap to take.
Rewriting like that, it does have a message. And it works. If you want it all, that's cool. We know the prince of this world is eager to take your soul for empty power. It's easy to lose faith when things don't go our way, and even easier to blame God for every failure. But he's not to blame for it. The lyrics say lands, but I think it could also be worlds. I stand between heaven and earth wondering what I'm supposed to do, and yet the answer is also in the song. Leave yourself behind and get out of His way. If that's not ok with you, then have a mud pie.
Kind of a weird thing to say at the end, but I'm sure it's probably a Spanish (or Mexican) colloquialism or something. I'm sure they think our cliches are just as weird. I often doubt whether the voice I hear is God or not. His voice is referred to as a "still, small voice," but really, what is that? I know when I heard that the next song would be important, I wasn't thinking about anything, but trying only to listen. I can usually tell is my mind is running something or not, kind of like when your computer revs up, you know it's doing "something," but very often, I haven't know whether the voice was God or just me thinking about something. You can often tell when whatever you're pondering is worthwhile or true, but then there are other times when you can't know that until you do what it tells you to.
And that's the part that's really scary.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Entre Dos Tierras
In reference to my mobile post, I looked up Entre Dos Tierras along with a translation. Now I just need to figure out what it means...
Entre dos tierras by Heroes del silencio - Between 2 Lands
te puedes vender - you can sell yourself (as in giving your soul away)
cualquier oferta es buena - any offer is good
si quieres poder - if you want power
qué fácil es - how easy it is
abrir tanto la boca para opinar - to be so opinionated (mouthy)
y si te piensas echar atrás - and if you want to correct (reverse) yourself
tienes muchas huellas que borrar - you have many footprints (wrong-doings) to erase
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - but i'm not to blame for your failure
pierdes la fé - you lose faith
cualquier esperanza es vana - any hope is in vain
y no sé que creer - i don't know what to believe
pero olvÃdame, que nadie te ha llamado - but forget me that noone has called you (asked ur help)
y ya estás otra vez - and here you are yet again
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
entre dos tierras estás - you find yourself between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
déjalo ya - leave him already
no seas membrillo - don't be bitter (quince)
y permite pasar - and give way (as in get out of the way)
y si no piensas echar atrás - and if you don't think to look back (as in repent)
tienes mucho barro que tragar - you have a lot of mud to swallow
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
entre dos tierras estás - you find yourself between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
Entre dos tierras by Heroes del silencio - Between 2 Lands
te puedes vender - you can sell yourself (as in giving your soul away)
cualquier oferta es buena - any offer is good
si quieres poder - if you want power
qué fácil es - how easy it is
abrir tanto la boca para opinar - to be so opinionated (mouthy)
y si te piensas echar atrás - and if you want to correct (reverse) yourself
tienes muchas huellas que borrar - you have many footprints (wrong-doings) to erase
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - but i'm not to blame for your failure
pierdes la fé - you lose faith
cualquier esperanza es vana - any hope is in vain
y no sé que creer - i don't know what to believe
pero olvÃdame, que nadie te ha llamado - but forget me that noone has called you (asked ur help)
y ya estás otra vez - and here you are yet again
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
entre dos tierras estás - you find yourself between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
déjalo ya - leave him already
no seas membrillo - don't be bitter (quince)
y permite pasar - and give way (as in get out of the way)
y si no piensas echar atrás - and if you don't think to look back (as in repent)
tienes mucho barro que tragar - you have a lot of mud to swallow
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
entre dos tierras estás - you find yourself between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
déjame, que yo no tengo la culpa de verte caer - leave me alone as i'm not to blame for your failure
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
si yo no tengo la culpa de ver que ...but i'm not to blame to see that...
entre dos tierras estás - you find yourself between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
entre dos tierras estás - you're between 2 lands
y no dejas aire que respirar - and you don't give air to breath
An Urge To Listen?
So as I'm leaving the office, I'm praying for guidance. The thought enters my head that the next random song on my iPod is important. Next song? Entre Dos Tierras by Heroes del Silencio. I dont speak Spanish, so I'll need to look this one up to figure out what it's saying.
Patience
One thing that I feel the need to pray for a lot of is patience. I am very, very impatient. This is why the Amazon sales ranks are dangerous for me. I obsessively click on the item and then keep refreshing it. I watch it go up higher and higher until someone buys a copy. Then it drops.
However, I need to be patient because given the nature of how my book is starting out, it will take time for it to start moving. The first buyers have to receive their copies, read them, and then be in a venue where they'd actually talk about it. That is a bit of time.
My impatience, of course, stems from my desperation to find a solution for that little student loan problem hanging over my head. But I have faith that the Lord will provide either the means to take care of it or the time for the means to come.
But that requires patience... And I think I've covered that.
However, I need to be patient because given the nature of how my book is starting out, it will take time for it to start moving. The first buyers have to receive their copies, read them, and then be in a venue where they'd actually talk about it. That is a bit of time.
My impatience, of course, stems from my desperation to find a solution for that little student loan problem hanging over my head. But I have faith that the Lord will provide either the means to take care of it or the time for the means to come.
But that requires patience... And I think I've covered that.
Status
So there's a thing starting at church that I find at least interesting, and one part of it suggests (I almost said involves, but only I get so involved in such a thing) blogging or keeping a journal of some kind. Well, as it's been a little while since I've updated this one, I figured it couldn't hurt to see what happens. I do find it interesting to go back through what I've written on here and as long as Google doesn't go under, it'll hold up for a little while. Besides, I've never gotten a comment from anyone on this blog since I started it except from the Queen, so I honestly doubt anyone reads it.
The church deal is called Soul Revolution, and apart from the intermediary worksheets and socializational stuff, the backbone has to do with realigning yourself with God's will. If you have ever read this, I'm not sure if I've ever come across as particularly religious, but the truth of that matter is that I'm really quite dedicated to what God wants me to do. I just have to admit that I am not 100% sure what that is. So the idea of an exercise that aligns my will to God's is attractive to me.
To begin with, I figured it would be a good idea to state where I am at the moment. Where you are is always a good place to start so you know if anything changes. I also need to work out the sort of "twitter" function of this blog so I can text or email to it if I feel so inclined.
To begin with, my family life is good. The Queen and princesses treat me well. While the Queen did babysit our nephew for a few weeks, Darth and Padme had the opportunity to place him in a preschool that is rather hoity-toity in Claremore, so good for them. The Princesses are all in school, though Sassy Pants is only half a day at the moment in Pre-K. If any part of my life were stable and good, it's the home life.
My job is all right. It is a good place to work, and it puts food on the table. I am very much fulfilling the ideal of working to eat, but I do enough on the side that I could be a full time worker in my spare time (which I'll get into later). But the company I give forty hours a week to is good, stable, and will serve as our source of income until something better comes along.
Financially, we're mostly there. The majority of the bills are paid on time every month thanks to a running budget schedule I created last November when things got really scary when the overtime was taken away. I have two outstanding items: one is a cell phone bill that is currently maintained by The Engineer. I really want to take that on, and I actually planned to if not for the other, more serious consideration: The Queen's student loan. This latter one is kinda scary. You see, it's as big and bloated as a tick that's been living on a dog's back for a month. We've had it on a deferment status for years because the Queen has no income. Well, they've drawn the line on it and now we owe $364 a month on it, and have since January (which we learned was going to take permanently a few months after that). It's official default date is currently October if it isn't paid on. Out of $364, I've managed to pay $200. And if something significant doesn't happen, I can only scrounge another $100 before the October due date. That's the scary one. It sucks because everything else is caught up and current. Any questions a to what my number one prayer consideration is?
And now, for everything else. My dreams. I dream of being a writer, and to that end, I've had some moderate successes, but only under my own power. I have a movie that I shot last October now in the final throes of post-production. You better believe I'm happy about that. It's going to end up being ok, probably, though I'm probably stuck in the bias of staring at it too long. I'm going to pop it on Createspace, make it available to buy on Amazon, if anyone is so inclined, and then register it on IMDB, which was the point to begin with. The bigger hope with it is for it to lead onto bigger and better things. I don't expect it to be the end-all of the movie world.
I've written a book. A novel that is, but isn't, about vampires. It's currently for sale on Amazon, also self-published through Createspace. If anyone does actually read this blog who doesn't know about this, then I don't mind telling you, but personal advertising wasn't the aim here. I hope that it does well, and it has many sequels that I'm going to write. My real hope with this one is that word of mouth is generated, and it sells at least well enough to take care of that student loan problem. If you really think about it, that's a tall order, but I believe that if that is its purpose, then God can make it happen. It's sold 10 copies so far just for people that know me. On Amazon, it has bounced from being at a sales rank of over 500,000 down to 57,000, which surprised me. Of course, now it's back at over 500,000 because the rush, I think, has worn off by those who will buy it just because they know me, and now everyone else is waiting to see if it's worth it.
I have a musical that I helped with osme years ago, and the preview album for it is also on Amazon. On the music front, I have plans for several recordings, and we'll see how those go. Planwise, I also want to shoot another movie as well as write more novels. So, I just keep going.
Finally, I am in the writing process of a "Creature Feature" script for a guy in Kentucky. He plans on shooting in December or so, and I'm kind of interested to see how he does with it. I finished the first draft last week, and he's already sent me back some feedback on it for me to incorporate while I correct all my typos.
So that's me. I'm a guy with a great family, a dream of writing, and a monkey of a financial problem. I want to track what goes on with this whole 60-60 experiment deal and see what of these items changes, if any. I may discover something completely new as we move along, but above all, I just want to hear God's voice through this. Really, that has been my one wish. I just want to know what I'm supposed to do.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
(Lack Of) Progress
So between me and the Engineer, we'd been trying to solve a little problem that cropped up while trying to record some movie music. For years now, I've been using a Yamaha SY85 sequencer to sequence the instrumental parts of my music since it uses samples to output sound and sounds really good. Well, for some reason, the sound outputs went out on this thing a few weeks ago, and now, only the MIDI outputs work. That's bad, but also good. The fact that we still have the MIDI outputs means there's hope for retrieving the volume of music I have recorded on this thing and have saved on a half dozen 3.5" floppy disks that only work in this device. I searched for an emulator, but no dice.
So, he and I turned to the programs that he has available on his Mac: Ableton Live, CuBase, and Garage Band. He got the MIDI signals, but the best we could do is record the input on ONE of them as a single combined track. That won't work. I came up with some ideas for his later, but let me finish this. We couldn't figure out how to get either CuBase or Garage Band to record the MIDI input in its entirety.
So I worked with it using some demos of Finale 2007 and Cakewalk SONAR Producer 7. Sonar did record it, but all on one track, and when I played it back, it didn't contain all the notes. I tried Finale, and it did the same thing. But with Finale, when I tried to run all the tracks (I am outputting as many as 8 at once), it wouldn't scribe anything. When I ran one at a time, it did work, but it wouldn't do all the notes, just like Cakewalk. I was flummoxed and frustrated after fooling with this for 8 hours on a Saturday.
What I wished for more than anything was the program that did work. Back in 1999, I was using an old computer that run Windows 98, and had a program that not only captured all the notes, but did it in one pass and separated it all into the separate tracks. I knew I had done this using an old version of Cakewalk, and I had another program called Midisoft Recording Session, written for Windows 3.1 and 95, as well. I dug through the garage for Midisoft and found me one broken CD. Dang it. I knew my old computer had Cakewalk on an 80 Gb drive I'd put on there just to store stuff, and at present, the boot drive had a broken version of Windows XP.
My solution was to reinstall Windows 98 on the boot drive, and see what I could gleen from the storage drive. Or that was the plan. I popped the original restore disk for this computer into the CD ROM. It gave me all the warning about it formatting the hard drive and and all info lost, yadda-yadda-yadda. Well, I'd done this before, and it always popped the OS on this 6Gb hard drive that I'd been abusing ever since I got my XP machine. So when the re-install was done, I watched it run a check disk and tell me...I have 78,000,000 Mb available. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Yeah, it wiped my 80Gb hard drive. In a move completely contrary to the machine's BIOS setup, it arbitraily decided that C: was now the 80Gb hard drive instead of the drive marked as its primary master drive, the 6Gb. Never in the life of this computer has the 6Gb been anything other than the primary master, but sure as it was done, it booted onto that broken XP drive. I had to dismantle the computer, move the jumper to the 80Gb to designate it as the master, redo the BIOS to detect it in a new capacity and ignore the 6Gb. I figured the info was gone, so I had to move forward. I was very, very angry, but there was nothing I could do at that point. I knew I should have disconnected the drive first, but no, I just let it run.
Anyway, I got it hooked back up and found Midisoft Recording Session online. Yeah, someone actually had a copy of the installation program stored online. The Internet is awesome. You can find anything. I installed it, hooked up my sequencer using the old cable that came with Midisoft to begin with, and pressed play. Before my eyes, every note on every track was actively scribed into the program. With two clicks, I separated the completed sequence onto 7 separate tracks.
So in the end, I lost a bunch of ideas and script versions as well as the first version of these files I had created and a mysterious version of Cakewalk that I haven't found yet that has a picture of Van Gogh's Scream for a stop button, but I was able to start pulling all those sequences of 15 years worth of music off that sequencer into a usable file format. I have mixed feelings about what all happened, but I'm very happy with the end result. Now, I just need the time to do it.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Cultural Goof
So as I was driving into work this morning, I noticed a truck for a roofing company with the name of McPride. The truck had the image of a leprechaun and the slogan of "Bringing pride to your home." I think it was the logo that stuck with me combined with the implied origins of the name.
You see, the "Mc" prefix on a name implies Scottish origin, not Irish, which is where the leprechaun has its association. For the leprechaun to stick with the company name, it should be O'Pride, not McPride. I can't imagine it hasn't been noticed before, but that was just what observed going into work today.
On another note, I got a cool new 22" widescreen LCD monitor at my desk. Although my ancient video card can't handle the higher resolution, it's still cool at the the old res.
Friday, July 10, 2009
Two Reasons I Find Facebook Annoying
I nearly called this post "Two Reasons I Hate Faebook," but as a point of fact, I don't hate the site. I think it's clever enough for social networking, but past social networking, its usefulness stops. There are some things you can't do on facebook, and the fact that you can't just annoys the crap out of me. The main one that I want to do and can't involves music.
When I uploaded the little gif to Facebook, I got me one static graphic. No movement at all. You can see here that it's an amusing little loading screen. The fun is lost if it doesn't move.
Now, I understand why they would not have this functionality. People would abuse it by uploading their favorite song, Facebook would get into copyright litigations, record companies would complain that their schtuff is being spread all over the internet even worse than before, yadda yadda yadda. Well, that places us poor schlubs who actually write music and legitimately own the rights to it in the hamper of paying the price for everyone else's irresponsibility. Strangely, Facebook allows videos, which means I just copy the song I want to post into the soundtrack of a series of titles, and boom, postable.
The second thing that bugs me only came up this morning. I don't know if this blog allows this, but I'm going to try. I wanted to post this graphic in honor of Friday:
When I uploaded the little gif to Facebook, I got me one static graphic. No movement at all. You can see here that it's an amusing little loading screen. The fun is lost if it doesn't move.No no loading graphic on Facebook. Apparently, photos means static photos only and no animated gifs. Again, I suspect this has to do with rights and the fact that most social networkers aren't programming graphics. Facebook probably also didn't want a slew of animated gifs mucking up their walls and such.
Oh well, there's the rant. I have one workaround and I just posted the graphic here. For fun, here's a second, similar graphic I found. That's all for now, though.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
A Musical Mutt
I've probably mentioned it before, but I listen to a wide range of music. I know it's completely pointless, but this is my blog, so I'll post whatever I want to, pointless though it may be. Just for grins and giggles, here is everything I listened to in the last 24 hours. Yeah, I knew you'd be thrilled. At the same time, it paints a little bit of a picture of just how wide a range of music I listen to. It's one thing for me to say I've got so many thousand songs on my iPod, but a lot of people have a lot of music. How much do they actually listen to? Well, in my case, these are the specific songs I heard off my iPod since yesterday afternoon according to the "Last Played" column in iTunes.
The list is laid out as title - artist - album - year (which isn't always there or accurate) - genre
Everything - ZZ Top - Antenna - 1994 - Rock
Misty Morning (Instrumental) - Narnia -
Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough - Michael Jackson - HIStory: Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 - 1979 - Pop
Inside Out - Bryan Adams - The Best of Me - 2001 - Rock
In The Summertime - Elton John - Reg Dwight's Piano Goes Pop - 1994 - Piano Rock
Faithless - Rush - Snakes And Arrows - 2007 - Classic Rock
Carla Etude - Elton John - To Be Continued - 1991 - Piano Rock
More Than A Woman - Bee Gees - Saturday Night Fever - 1977 - Disco
Snow - Kamelot - Epica - 2003 - Progressive Metal
Natural Science - Rush - Permanent Waves - 1980 - Classic Rock
Hosanna - JCS 1970
Blitzkrieg - Metallica - Garage Inc. - 1998 - Heavy Metal
Anthem - Rush - All The World's A Stage - 1976 - Classic Rock
Bond Look Alike - John Barry - Octopussy OST - 1983 - Bond Soundtrack
Pig Juicer - Charlie Clouser - Saw
Warm Love In A Cold World - Elton John - Victim Of Love - 1979 - Piano Rock
Jailbait - Aerosmith - Rock in a Hard Place - 1982 - Rock
Children's Corner - 3 Serenade for the Doll - Debussy, Claude - Complete Works For Solo Piano, Vol. 2 - - Impressionist
Eyes Of Time - Ayreon - The Final Experiment - 1995 - Progressive Metal
Something's Gotta Give - Aerosmith - Nine Lives - 1997 - Rock
The Rain Song - Led Zeppelin - Houses Of The Holy (1994 Remas - 1973 - Blues
Big Man On
Over The Hills And Far Away - Nightwish - Over The Hills And Far Away - 2001 - Symphonic Gothic Metal
Vital Signs - Rush - Moving Pictures - 1981 - Classic Rock
Casino - David Arnold - The world is not enough OST - 1999 - Bond Soundtrack
Sometimes - Britney Spears - Baby One More Time - - Pop
Savior - Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication - 1999 - Rock
The Dream Sequencer [Reprise] - Ayreon - The Universal Migrator Part 1 - The Dream Sequencer - 2000 - Progressive Metal
Mary Lou - Bruce Springsteen - 1998 Tracks - - Folk Rock
Love Letters (With Bonnie Raitt) - Elton John - Duets - 1993 - Piano Rock
Boogie Man - AC/DC - Ballbreaker - 1995 - Hard Rock
I Want To Break Free - Queen - Greatest Hits II - 1991 - Classic Rock
Sudona Sunrise (Pump Demo) - Aerosmith - The Very Best Of Aerosmith - 2006 - Rock
Delirium Trigger - Coheed and
Death of Vesper - David Arnold - Casino Royale [Expanded Score] - 2006 - Bond Soundtrack
Metal Heavy Lady - Lions - Guitar Hero 3 - 2006 - Rock
Beyond Beautiful - Aerosmith - Just Push Play - 2001 - Rock
Damned For All Time - Various Artists - Jesus Christ Superstar 1992 - 1992 - Rock Opera
Last of the Big Time Spenders - Billy Joel - Streetlife Serenade - 1975 - Piano Rock
Not My Slave - Oingo Boingo - Boi-Ngo - 1987 - New Wave
Highwayman - Willie Nelson, Waylon Jenning, Johnny Cash - Highwayman - 1985 - 80's Rock
It's All About Feelin' Good - Paula Abdul - Straight Up (Greatest Hits) - 2007 - Dance
Reptiles and Samurai - Oingo Boingo - Nothing to Fear - 1982 - New Wave
Climbing From Inside - Eric Johnson - Souvenir - 2002 - Rock
Pour le piano, 3. - Toccata - Debussy, Claude - Complete Works For Solo Piano, Vol. 1 - - Impressionist
Gotta Love It - Aerosmith - Get a Grip - 1993 - Rock
Wait - Various Artists - Sweeney Todd Soundtrack - 2007 - Soundtrack
Brothers Under The Bridges - Bruce Springsteen - 1998 Tracks - - Folk Rock
Go It Alone - Elton John - Leather Jackets - 1986 - Piano Rock
My Name Is Jonas - Weezer - Guitar Hero 3 - 1994 - Rock
The Great Suburban Showdown - Billy Joel - Streetlife Serenade - 1975 - Piano Rock
Thunder Underground - Ozzy Osbourne - The Essential Ozzy Osbourne - 2003 - Heavy Metal
The Siren - Nightwish - Once - 2004 - Symphonic Gothic Metal
She's Got
Largo (Klavierstück) - Op.P2 No.5 - in Eb (BI 109) - Fryderyk Chopin - Chopin- Complete Piano Music - - Classical
Long Long While - The Rolling Stones - Singles Collection - The
Barracuda - Heart - Greatest Hits [1998] - 1998 - Rock
Danger Zone - Kenny Loggins - Billboard Top Hits: 1986 - 1986 - 80's Rock
Everythings All Right - JCS 1970
Finale: Pesante; Presto - Fritz Reiner - Bartok: Concerto for Orchestra; Music for Strings, Percussion & Celesta; Hungarian Sketches - 1955 - Classical
How Many Tears - Vanden Plas - Accult - 1996 - Christian Metal
Start All Over - Miley Cyrus - Meet Miley Cyrus - 2007 - Rock/Pop
Someday - Mariah Carey - MTV Unplugged (EP) - 1992 - R&B
True Friend - Hannah Montana - Hannah Montana 2 - 2007 - Rock/Pop
Préludes - Livre II,
We Built This City - Starship - Billboard Top Hits: 1985 - 1985 - 80's Rock
Walking In The Air (live) - Nightwish - Over The Hills And Far Away - 2001 - Symphonic Gothic Metal
My Friend of Misery - Metallica - Black Album - 1991 - Heavy Metal
The Bells Of Notre Dame - David Ogden Stiers, Paul Kandel & Tony Jay - The Hunchback Of Notre Dame - 1996 - Pop
Stravinsky: Firebird
Simply Irresistable - Robert Palmer - Addictions Vol. 1 - 1989 - Rock/Pop
Every Breath You Take - The Police - The Police - 2007 - Rock
Fear - Bon Jovi - Keep The Faith - 1992 - Rock
Heresy - Rush - Roll The Bones - 1991 - Classic Rock
Valley of the Damned - DragonForce - Valley of the Damned (DEMO) - - Power Metal
Take me Home - Narnia - Enter the Gate - 2006 - Christian Metal
I'm Gonna Be A Teenage Idol - Elton John - Don't Shoot Me I'm Only The Piano Player - 1973 - Piano Rock
Long Time Comin' - Bruce Springsteen - Devils & Dust - 2005 - Folk Rock
She's Always A Woman - Billy Joel - The Stranger - 1977 - Piano Rock
(Everything I Do) I Do It for You - Bryan Adams - The Best of Me - 2001 - Rock
They Don't Care About Us - Michael Jackson - HIStory: Greatest Hits, Vol. 1 - 1995 - Pop
Away - Nightwish - Over The Hills And Far Away - 2001 - Symphonic Gothic Metal
Stairwell Fight - David Arnold - Casino Royale [Expanded Score] - 2006 - Bond Soundtrack
Callin the Shots - Quiet Riot - The Collection - 2002 - Heavy Metal
Flinstone Boy - Elton John - A Single Man - 1978 - Piano Rock
The River - Bruce Springsteen - The Essential - 2003 - Folk Rock
#9 Dream - John Lennon - The John Lennon Collection - 1974 - Rock
Angels Are Crying - Narnia -
Street Boogie - Elton John - Victim Of Love - 1979 - Piano Rock
Stravinsky: The Rite Of Spring - Part 2: Sacrificial Dance - Seiji Ozawa:
My Love Will Not Let You Down - Bruce Springsteen - 1998 Tracks - - Folk Rock
Runaround - Van Halen - For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge - 1991 - Rock
(Just Like) Starting Over - John Lennon - The John Lennon Collection - 1980 - Rock
Gonzales takes a drive - Bill Conti - For your eyes only OST - 1981 - Bond Soundtrack
Beauty And The Beast - Nightwish - Angels Fall First - 1997 - Symphonic Gothic Metal
el cuadro hologramas - Héroes del Silencio - Stormy Days - - Latin
Radio Song - Superbus - Guitar Hero 3 - 2005 - Rock
Cities On Flame With Rock And Roll - Blue Öyster Cult - Guitar Hero 3 - - Rock
Out Of Time - The Rolling Stones - Singles Collection - The
Stones Throw From Hurtin' - Elton John - Sleeping With The Past - 1989 - Piano Rock
This Means War - AC/DC - Blow Up Your Video - 1988 - Hard Rock
Write Me - Aerosmith - Aerosmith - 1973 - Rock
The Grand Illusion -
Préludes - Livre II, VI - 'General Lavine' - excentric - Debussy, Claude - Complete Works For Solo Piano, Vol. 1 - - Impressionist
A Man I'll Never Be -
Thank You For The Music [Seyfried] - Mamma Mia Movie Cast - Mamma Mia!The Movie Soundtrack - 2008 - Soundtrack
Stick To Your Guns - Bon Jovi -
Western Flyer - Eric Johnson - Live From
Étude No.17 - Op.25 No.5 - in Em - Fryderyk Chopin - Chopin- Complete Piano Music - - Classical
There. That should make your head explode.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
Posts
