Hypocrisy Toward The Heart of the Songwriter

Psalm 96:1, 98:1, 149:1, and Isaiah 42:10 all say to sing to the Lord a new song. Someone has to write these new songs. I am one of those people.

Recently in church, the sermon covered the story of the widow's mite. This story tells of richer people making a show of the money they were giving, but this woman making little of her contribution. While this is often used to illustrate that you should give no matter how bad it gets, the core of the usage this time had to do with where your heart is when you do what you do for God, and that you can do the right things for the wrong reasons.

This got me to thinking about volunteering at the church. Churches are usually pretty vocal about needing help since they thrive on their congregation stepping up to give of their time for teaching and literally everything else that goes on. They cry out for help and proclaim that you have a talent in something and they can it. Those who volunteer for some things are applauded for their willingness to sacrifice for the Lord and there is rarely, if ever, any question as to their motives or heart in the matter.

Unless you're a songwriter.

We have a campaign going for Feed My Starving Children, and someone was on stage a few weeks back who felt like she was called to help this campaign and be a big part of it. No small deal was made of this desire. However, if this person had said, "The Lord has called me to write music for his people," the vetting and doubt would still be going on. I know this because I write music. It has been implied not very subtlely that my heart is not in the right place by more than one person.

So a person can be revered because they feel called in one area, but completely shut down if called in another? If I said I'm up for teaching the youngsters, I'd be ushered in without question. Heck, even as a stage musician, there was very little vetting when it came to playing the existing music. Someone has to play it, right?

Let's talk about a calling for just a moment. How does one know they are called to do a certain thing? I've struggled with this for a long time because I've been met with so much resistance in what I do. Being a writer of anything is very hard, disheartening work because unless you are "known," no one believes in you. Period. The way I see a calling of any kind is that it is something that no matter how hard you try to leave it behind, it continues to come back. No matter how much you want to do something else, you keep circling back around to that one thing. No matter how much something has hurt you, beat you down, or how much other people have given you so much crap over what you've done, you can't ever escape it. Your heart is continually drawn right back to that thing to try it again.

I've been so done so many times, and yet, I keep writing music. I've wanted to leave every bit of it behind so many times, but I can't. I can't stop writing it. I can't stop playing. I have to be a part of it. No matter how hard I try to escape or how harsh the comments are or how much pain I've experienced as a resulting of trying over and over, I continue to return because only within it do I actually find peace.

I've most recently taken to writing songs with a friend of mine under the moniker of Kingdom Song. We have a couple dozen posted on YouTube, not for the glory of ourselves, but because in order for songs to be heard, someone has to play them. No one else will, so we'll sing the new songs to the Lord ourselves so that others can hear, share, and maybe even use them. Will they fit everyone? Nope. But some might.

Is my heart in the right place? I want to think so, and since I'm so conscientious of it, it probably is. The problem with being in this sort of capacity is it can very easily translate into praise for self instead of praise for God. It's easy to point to a songwriter belting out one of their own songs and say that he just wants attention. And yet, no one accuses a preacher, who writes a new sermon every week, of performing for himself. How is this different? A person stands before a congregation and gives a speech about Godly things that he wrote himself. Why accuse a songwriter of being self-centered when there is actual, scriptural reference for singing to the Lord a new song?

A songwriter can actually add quite a bit to a church if they would open their minds to the possibilities. True, it takes more talent from a worship band to play something where the arrangement has to be created, but as long as you don't do an entire set of new music, you find the time. "Sing to the Lord a new song" is in scripture four times. We are to worship the Lord, but he not only wants to hear us, he has given us talents to make something new, and he wants to hear that too. Something there that many times means something.

So don't question the heart of the songwriter. Like so many other things, there are those out for themselves, but just because it is something creative doesn't mean their heart isn't in it for the right reasons. "But you just did a whole blog post complaining about it," you may have just said. This blog post was because I was hurt by those who questioned my motives in what I am compelled to do. This post is a cry to those who turn a deaf ear to not just me, but everyone out there who wants to sing the to Lord a new song whether they want to hear it or not. This post is a reminder that just because something is public, that doesn't mean the heart of its creator isn't with the heart of THE creator.

"Sing to the Lord a new song." The Bible says it. I believe it. And if you look around, you'll find someone who can write it.

Shades of Grey

If you know anything about religion, you probably know that Christians can be a very confusing group of people. Some of them of radical one way or the other either loving or hating everyone, and it seems there is a massive effort to convert the world into their way of thinking. I've been a Christian all my life, and I've gone through quite a few phases of the process of growing within my faith. Through all of this, I've found that a Christian lifestyle is not as black and white as people want it to be. When you actually look at what Jesus did and how he lived, he would go two directions at once that seemed both contradictory but in perfect harmony with what he taught.

For instance, he said to go into all the world and teach the gospel., but he also said if someone won't listen, let them go. No where did he say to scream in that person's face to make them hear the truth. He knew the truth, and he knew that someone has to be receptive, and if they won't listen, there is no need to waste time with that individual. He encouraged the following of the law during his time on earth, but the leaders felt he broke the law all the time. In actuality, Jesus knew the law so well that he knew how to follow the law while simultaneously pissing off the establishment. Did not sin, but showed the Man up.

In our modern world, a common phrase is to love the sinner but hate the sin. This is a concept that most people cannot wrap their head around since it involves accepting someone for who they are regardless of what they do while simultaneously acknowledging that you don't approve of what they do. However, in order to fully live this, it goes quite a bit further than that. It is a matter of accepting that person and who they are whether you agree or not while allowing them to come to their own decisions. If their decisions don't agree with yours, you have to accept this as their own truth because even if they are biblically wrong, you have to ask what Jesus would do. Jesus would let them walk.

It is ok to wish people would come to know the truth of the gospel. It is ok to want them to believe. But it is not ok to forcefeed them or declare their wrongdoings. If you think about your average toddler who won't eat (parents, you know this all too well if your child survived the single digits), if you stand over the child and command that every bite must be eaten, what happens? Nothing. That's what. Three little, non-eating princesses later, I can tell you that the food remains on the plate, tears are had, hair is pulled, fits are thrown, doors are slammed, and once you finally decide to come back out of your room to the child who wonders what just happened, the food remains uneaten as they ask if they can play now. A few swigs of Brandy later, you go ahead and agree while you contemplate whether to just eat their food or throw it to the dog.

People are the same way with the truth. No matter what you do, everyone has their own truth. It is said that perception is reality, and if someone perceives the Christian to be a total nutjob, then guess what? You're a nutjob, and no one will listen to a word you have to say.

How to approach this little problem? With the greatest of subtlety. Jesus spoke to large groups of people without addressing very many individuals. Those he spoke to were receptive to him, and those he rebuked publicly had originally started the conversation. They asked. He answered. What Jesus never did (feel free to correct if I'm wrong here) is walk up to a random stranger, declare their sins without any prompting, and tell them exactly where they were going to go without the truth and his help. Instead, when he declared the truth to a group of his closest followers, most of them left. His apostles wanted to go after them, but he told them to let them go because His truth is a hard one.

Truth is hard. Truth will set you free, but acknowledging any truth is extremely difficult because we don't want to accept it, especially if it makes us look bad. Whatever sins we think people have, we have to understand that their life is their decision, and only by living the Christian lifestyle can we ever hope to influence anyone. We can stand up for the truth when confronted, but we should not condemn anyone (that's anyone) unless they specifically ask us for our help, and even then, they should not receive condemnation but love and guidance.

The greatest commands in the Bible, according to Jesus, are to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength," and to "love your neighbor as yourself." In approaching anyone, we have to first decide whether we want to be treated the way we intend to treat someone else. We should also decide whether Jesus would act how we intend to act based on the accounts we have.

Keeping this in mind, go into the world.

Lofty Attitudes

I'm a Christian. I've mentioned this before, and to that end, I try to be a good one. When I'm out in public, I try not to be a pain, I'm generally friendly to those who are being fair, and even when I'm dealing with people who service customers, I am congenial to them because a) I know what they're going through and b) 99% of the time, whatever is wrong is not their fault. This is not the case with some others who wear the Christian logo on their cars and t-shirts. You want a sort of righteous anger, that is how I feel about those who do not uphold the teachings that they claim to follow. As a disclaimer, no, I don't claim to be perfect, but I can claim that I do not do anything I list here, and I am well versed in the word and according to Matthew 18:15-17, one Christian can call out another on their sins.

The ones that bug me the most are those that do things BECAUSE they are Christian in that they feel a level of entitlement due to their faith. The action that sparked this rant was a story of a pastor (or should I say "pastor"?) who stiffed a waiter on a tip and wrote on the receipt, "I give God 10%, why should you get 18?" The waiter reported that the party of 20 (to which the computer automatically adds the 18% tip as it's a party over 8; a system that has been place for years) was generally arguing over the bill anyway, and didn't want to pay it. they said their service was great, but they didn't want to pay for it. And this is supposedly a church leader.

And on the subject of restaurants, you know which crowd is usually the rowdiest, messiest, and restaurants generally dislike? Oh, and tips the worst. We're already here, so you know which one. I've heard this answer first hand. It's the post church service Sunday crowd. Those people who just got out of church come to lunch and wreck the place. Like sitting for an hour has completely ruined their morning, and they have to take it out on someone. This is not how we're supposed to be.

Ever been cut off or run down by someone in traffic with a fish logo on their car? Yeah, 'nuff said there.

And how about them protesters? Yeah, you have the Westboro Baptist crowd that shames all Christians everywhere, but I'm taking a few steps down the ladder here. I mean those who protest whatever they don't believe in, or is against the Bible. Abortion clinics, gay weddings, whatever. Let's see what Jesus would do. I'm going to word this very carefully. How many times did Jesus seek out something that was against God's teaching and jut stand there and yell at them that they are wrong? Go ahead, give me a number. The answer is zero. Jesus taught the people many times, but he only told them what to do. Now, when people approached Jesus, he would give them some outright answers, but he did not seek them out. Here's the difference.

What many people do is go out to an abortion clinic, for example, and scream at those going in, or try and block the doors, or whatever. How much help do you think those people want having come to this decision? Especially from fanatics who won't listen to them. Jesus would weep, but he would allow them to do what they wanted. If they stood before him, and asked, "What do you think I should do," then he would tell them. Either that, or launch into a parable to illustrate for them what the right answer would be for them.

This applies to everything else in our world that goes against the teachings we've grown up to follow. What would Jesus do? He would let them go their own ways to make their own decisions, and find their own lives. He would give guidance where guidance was requested, but if they wanted nothing to do with him, he would let them. How many people did Jesus let walk away from him? How many did he give the harsh truth to, and when they left him, he told those closest that his is a hard teaching and not everyone can follow it? Jesus forced himself on no one. He simply lived his life as an example and let others follow if they wished. If they did not want anything to do with him, he knew he could not make them do it.

Jesus would also understand walking into a restaurant that he is responsible for the prices set on the menu that he can read beforehand, and also know that an 18% gratuity is added to parties greater than 8. It says that on the menu. Jesus paid the temple tax. He got the money from a fish, mind you, but he didn't try to stiff the temple because he belonged there.

Are you doing what Jesus would do?

A Word From The Radio

So I was listening to the radio coming into work this morning, and on the Christian station, they were talking about grandparents taking kids to church, and how many people went to church because their grandparents took them. One told a story of being a greeter at church and helping one grandmother get her kids checked into the kid classes for the first time, and she was so happy they made since it is a big job getting kids ready, etc. Another story was of a kindergardener who basically preached to his class about Jesus (because public school teachers aren't allowed to, but he knew the answers that some kids was asking). When the teacher asked how he knew all that, he said his grandma took him to church. They were happy and all that, making a deal of it, and not wanting to be Mr. Negativity, I had one question: where were the parents?

You know who took me to church? My parents. Not my grandparents. You who takes the princesses to church? The Queen and I. Their parents. It's all well and good that the grandparents want to be involved in the kids' lives, but why aren't the parents taking their children? Sometimes, church can stick, but if the parents aren't going, then all the time these kids spend is going to be largely wasted because the parents' non-church lives are going to eventually derail anything learned in church. Kids learn by example and 99% of their example time will be spent with the parents who (with obvious exception where the parent is absent or incapable of going; I'm referring to those who simply refuse to go) apparently have no desire to be an example. Kudos to the grandparents, but the grandparents should be working on getting THEIR children to go to church rather than writing them off as hopeless and proceeding to the next generation.

It kind of steamed me a bit. I'll admit that.

I'm sure excuse number one is (ahem), "but the parents might not have the time." Once, I worked for an idiot, but this idiot gave me a superb tidbit of wisdom that never left me when I tossed the excuse out that I didn't have time for something. Think on this. When it soaked in, I knew he was right.

"You have time for what's important."

Could the parents have unforgiving bosses who make them work on Sunday morning? Of course. I'm not talking about them either. Could they have worked all night Saturday night? Of course, but they have a choice. I once worked overnights at Wal-Mart over the weekends while I was working 40+ hours at my current job. This means I worked 10pm-7am Saturday night, and then I went to church at 10:30am and played with the worship team. It was important to me that the children went to church, and that I took them, so I made the time to do it.

What is important to you?

Christian Sonnet III

And one for the weekend:

III:


Is there a god like you oh God above
That gives unceasing to us all below
How can you have for us such boundless love
And then upon us all this love bestow
You guide us in the paths that stretch ahead
Though sometimes we don't always know the why
And sometimes we might try our way instead
Still when we fail you're always standing by
We all go through the days where faith is tried
And sometimes we might think that you aren't there
You let us go our way but never hide
You wait until we come to you in prayer
You're ever present, full of love and grace
And mercy always for the human race

Christian Sonnet I

So along with the love sonnets, I wrote several on the topic of worshiping God, and others on just random stuff. Here is one of those worshipful ones:

I:

Oh Lord you are my lord who reigns on high
Your goodness travels over all the earth
Your love, it made the waters, land and sky
Your breath within us served to give us birth
We know you have a plan for all our days
And know what we will do before we choose
So we can walk with you in all your ways
And you can show us which path we should use
For though we try to leave you all the time
You show your love and patience when you wait
Then like the son who's lost without a dime
You never will condemn us to our fate
You're never-changing, always stay the same
And so forever we will praise your name

A Story About A Passion Play Gone Wrong

I wanted to relay this story I heard the preacher at camp tell about when he went to see a passion play and the rather severe problems they had during the production. I'll do my best to remember all the details since it's been a few weeks since I originally heard it.

As you may know, a passion play is a story concerning the last week of Jesus' life on earth culminating in at least the crucifixion, if not the resurrection as well. Jesus Christ Superstar is a musical passion play, and Passion of the Christ is probably the most well know movie version of the story (as well as the bloodiest, only missing an NC-17 rating because of the subject material).

So, he was watching this passion play, and they reach the crucifixion part where Jesus was hanging on the cross. The actor was actually tied up to this cross and his final line is of course, "It is finished!" after which he bows his head, and the guards come out to stick the spear in his side, and then carry on. Well, after his line, he died and nothing happened. Apparently, the guards missed the cue and never showed. Jesus did the only thing a good Jesus can do in such an instance. He resurrected himself and cried out, more dramatically, "It is finished!" after which he bowed his head again and died. noting that the guards had not arrived, Jesus resurrected himself a second time, and cried out even louder and with more drama, "IT ... IS ... FINISHED!" after which, he died again.

By this time, the guards had apparently realized that they had missed their cue, and so they grabbed their spears and charged out to take care of business. Now, in order to achieve the effect of stabbing the spear in Jesus' side, the spear had a collapsible tip so that the Jesus actor would not be injured and real blood and water would not flow. Well, in their haste, the tardy guards grabbed one of the real spears and not the rigged-to-collapse one, and as they were in a hurry to catch up to their missed cue, they gave Jesus a hearty stab in the side ... where blood and water flowed. Jesus, was a really trooper, though, because the only way you knew anything was wrong was when he breathed in sharply through his teeth and clenched his fists.

Realizing they had actually stabbed Jesus, the guards rapidly got him off the cross and carried him backstage.

So for the resurrection scene, they pulled in second-string Jesus, as first-string Jesus had not had enough time to heal. The scene went on as planned, and at the end of the scene, they had this dramatic ascension whereby second-string Jesus was rigged to a tree behind the stage and slowly ascends into the branches ... or that was the plan. You see, rigs of this nature are carefully counter-balanced to the weight of the individual who is to be using it, and it turns out that first-string Jesus weighed a bit more than second-string Jesus. He told his disciples, "Surely, I am with you, to the very end of the a--" and the rig kicked in and pulled Jesus at blinding speed into the branches of the tree knocking second-string Jesus right out.

Fortunately, they didn't need a third-string Jesus because the play was quite over by that point.

Blood by Pearl Jam

So on most mornings, I pull out my iPod and shuffle the entire music library for a sort of "song of the day." On this Monday, I came up with "Blood" and blood was taken.

There are times in life when you're rendered speechless through the circumstances you endure. In this instance, I had some words, but I refrained from spouting them. It wasn't easy.

I am a geek of many things, but really, my greatest passion is music. I love to play. I don't care what or where, I love to play. At work, there is a band that is going to play for our Christmas shindig, and I get to play keyboard instead of bass at it, which I found very exciting. The email went around for song requests, which got whittled to a few tunes, and we're to practice them to rehearse together.

Being a piano player, I picked an Elton John songs to show off both my piano and vocal skills. It was going to be awesome...except for one minor detail. For some strange reason, the people involved want to spend as little time as possible on this. They don't want anything more complicated than 3 chords, and of course, no original tunes allowed. I was going to get some lead vocal action on two songs...and both of them were cut because they were too difficult.

With a deep breath, I accepted that fate and suggested another one: Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses." If you've heard this one, it's slow but has some nice vocal stuff going on along with some interesting piano backing to make up for the loss of the Elton John song. however, it was shot down because a) someone ELSE thought "we" couldn't handle the vocals and b) because the solo parts were too hard (i.e. he didn't want to work them up). So, I'm back to whole notes and arpeggios when I have anything at all on the other guitar-oriented 3-chord songs.

Of course, I can't just lash out and be angry and such because it is a group effort and we all have to work together. Not everyone wants the challenge, and they'll even use the excuse of not having time to work on anything harder than what we have. Still, I feel completely rubbed out because everything I had the chance to remotely shine on was cut. Now, I have nothing. Part of me wants to drop out, but I made a commitment and I'll honor it.

All I want, band-wise, is for the guys that enjoyed my original material to get everyone back together. I know I'm self-centered. I know I want it to be all about me. But to an extent, there's another part that simply wants people to acknowledge that I am capable of more than they think I am. In the end, I was relegated to the background on the work thing. I was happy sharing the glory of the spotlight, but I did want them to share it with me. Now, nothing.

It's not the first time people have placed me into THEIR comfort zone and have all but refused to let me grow from that place. This is understandable to an extent. People, in general, have A specialty. One thing that they excel at, and they acquire labels that tell others what they are. A programmer. A bass player. A writer. A pianist. A screenwriter. A director. A composer. People throughout the ages have taken labels such as these, and some people have taken a couple of them here and there. But few can claim them all and then some. The idea of someone having the talent to play everything on stage as well as sing is beyond rare. Pandora's box is opened and I don't mind boasting about it. The Queen has already rolled her eyes and said "oh, here we go."

But people can't comprehend this level of talent. If you do this thing, then this thing is all I can comprehend you doing.I can understand the need to prove oneself. After all, how can you use an unproven talent? What have I proven? I've published two novels; composed music on two albums, sang and played piano, drums, bass, guitar, and even trombone on an album; wrote, produced, directed, shot, and composed the music for a movie you can purchase on DVD. How many people do you know that have that kind of a list? Anyone? I don't.

In the Bible, there is a story that drives me. It is the parable of the talents. Now, I know that a talent is a unit of money, but isn't it curious that Jesus used that specific unit that centuries later would be a talent in one of the predominant world languages to mean an ingrained skill? Jesus chose his words carefully, and I believe this was chosen just as carefully. In this parable, there are 3 guys: one with 5 talents, one with 3, and one with 1. They each went their ways and their master returned, they showed what they did with their talents. The guys with 5 and 3 doubled their money where the one with 1 did nothing. The ones who acted were rewarded. The one who did not was sent away.

I try to bide my time. I try to go with whatever flow I'm in. Sometimes, it's frustrating, but I think the feeling of frustration only shows that I'm willing to do more. I only wish the world would let me.

Sinners and Windows

One thing that's bugged me about the angle church tends to take on a lot of stuff is the idea that everyone continues to sin, whether you like it or not. It gets to the point that church begins to feel like an alcoholics anonymous style meeting ("Hello, my name is ______, and I'm a sinner"). And while I'm sure that has a place for some, I don't quite understand the over-emphasis on it. The justification for this idea is one verse which says "All have sinned..."

Okay, all have sinned, I get it. I have sinned as well, but contextually, it's a past tense phrase. If we were meant to be continual sinners, it would say "all have sinned and continue to do so despite their better judgement." Rather, the past tense usage is the encouragement that there is hope for those who have into that "new creation" status the Sinners Anonymous meeting leaders don't dig into much. I have no doubt that there are people out there who use the "I'm a sinner" mantra to continue to sin since it's ok because everybody's doing it.

But to be honest, it bothers me to be continually called a sinner every time I walk in. I have spent many an hour in anguished prayer working to overcome the things that I've done that I know are sinful. When I walk in on a Sunday morning, my sin list would be a very short one, if any. I say that not necessarily to boast of how good I am, but how the presumption of a past tense verse leads us into believing that everyone is "doing it wrong." Jesus went through life without sinning, and since he was in a human body, it means it is possible for us to do that going forward.

No, we're not perfect, but even the alcoholic, years after his meetings, only tells people that he "used to be" an alcoholic. Well, all "have sinned," but we were also made into new creations through the blood of Christ, so I would thank them very much to please stop calling me an active sinner. If that's boastful, then let me boast that  through the blood of Christ, I have been made free of these things, and ask why they insist on holding them over me. That is akin to our alcoholic having taken no drink is 50 years and still being called an alcoholic.

I do believe that people can reach the point in their lives where they can choose not to sin. We have complete control over our minds and bodies. We can choose our actions and thoughts. To be caught up in the idea that we are incapable of overcoming sin is to say that we are incapable of distinguishing right from wrong. I come back to the fact that Jesus did not sin. He was given the opportunity, and he chose not to. Since he is our example, I believe that we can follow that example as much as any other, and actually be children of God as opposed to "a bunch of sinners."

Now, that being said, as I pulled up to the security thingamabob outside the parking garage, I discovered, quite to my chagrin, that my driver side window motor has decided (since yesterday) to stop working. I cannot begin to iterate how annoying that was (and is). I would just like the car to work consistently for a little while without something else breaking. I haven't even gotten all the disposable parts changed out yet.