An Awkward Moment

So there are times when it's best to keep your fool mouth shut, and boy did I run into one of them today. We have a new chap in the office, and I had heard that he was expecting a child at any time. I learned today that the expectant mother is his girlfriend when a co-worker (who walks past his desk) asked about where he was. I selected that very moment to comment that being unmarried in that situation is a negative reflection of character.

Why would I make such a comment? Because it would be a statistical truth. Marriage is a legal commitment wherein you have decided in the eyes of the law to bind yourself to a particular person for life (or until you throw a tantrum or whatever). Legally, it takes a bit of doing to unmake a marriage. If unmarried, you are not legally bound to the other person in any way, no matter what you experience together. Sure, you have an emotional commitment, but emotions are fickle.

Therefore, if a couple have decided to spend their lives together to the point that they want to bring in a child together (and whether it was planned or not, they still made that decision "together"), why would they not take the step to legally commit to the relationship. That's not a question I can answer for anyone, but I'm only left with statistics, stereotypes, and stories. All of those things point to someone who has a problem with commitment. Someone who deals in "What ifs".

That is why it would a negative reflection on character, regardless of any moral opinions of the matter. You see, the character observation has absolutely nothing to do with the "living in sin" ideal. It's a simple notation that someone who won't marry for some reason generally has commitment issues. I didn't even hear the young woman referred to as a fiancee, which at least implies that eventual commitment, but just as a girlfriend.

I commented that if you were given the choice of trusting the person who had the pregnant girlfriend or the person married for twenty years, who would you go with? The response was obviously the person married for two decades. That person has shown that they can not only commit, but can overcome the common pitfalls of marriage as well as cooperate with another person in life. It speaks volumes of a person's character.

Now, why am I bringing this up? Because in all good comedies there's that moment where everyone starts looking away, and the speaker stops, closes their eyes, and asks if the person was standing behind them. Yeah, he was there. He did hear the conversation. Awkward moment had.

In the end, he kind of blew it off, but still, if I were confronted, I would simply ask why they had decide to not get married. The answer would not be for my benefit, because strictly speaking, I don't care. The answer isn't for me. I can't do anything with it, and I could predict most of the token responses to such a question. This is a question he would need to ask himself and honestly evaluate the answer.

I don't often open for discussion, but I'm always open to be proven wrong. What do you think of this character observation?