Product Testing

So, occasionally, the Queen participates in testing some new versions of products by companies. I do not recall how she got into this, but these things have cropped up once in a while for a while. I think it has to do with surveys or something, and if you do a certain number, you get points and you get enough points, it's worth some money or something like that. I haven't really paid attention.

Now, with anything related to some big company and their precious stuff comes the obligatory promise that you won't divulge their secret new product to anyone else, including your immediate family. Who are they trying to kid here? I know about trade secrets and confidentiality and such, but the way they approach these products is hilarious. There have been several rather regular, every day things now and again, and since we are in a marriage, she tends to tell me everything. Sorry, guys, the marriage vows take precedence over your corporate secrets. Even women tend to know that their girlfriends will tell the husbands practically everything. The husbands are contractually obligated never to repeat it under penalty of living on the couch.

The most recent product was paper towels. They arrived in an unassuming, plain brown box labeled "top secret." Yes, it actually said top secret on the box. Upon seeing it, I said, "if it were really top secret, then they wouldn't put that on the box." Then, the instructions told her to switch out our paper towels with the ones in the box without telling the family to see if we would notice. We would have to have been really blind or obtuse to miss the switch. There was no way we would mistake these very paper towels with the very cloth-like ones we normally use. I mean, there is nothing wrong with these particular paper towels, but to imply that we're stupid enough to miss that? Seriously.

I dunno. Maybe some people are that thick, and would completely miss the switch. I've seen enough reality TV to know that there are some out there just like that...because everything on reality TV is real. I know it is. I read that on "the internets."

Anyway, that whole scenario is actually pretty much like every other one that has come along though. They want their product substituted for the one we normally use "in secret" so that we can tell her what we think of it objectively. Objectively, most of the time, we would start with, "what happened to the ________?"

It was actually pretty amusing. It was a good-sized box when you consider that you don't get boxes very often in the mail, so everyone was kind of curious about it. It's not exactly subtle. She opened the box, and we all stared at the roll she retrieved and nodded like we were so clever. Hm, paper towels. She read the letter that came with it out loud which detailed what to do and that it was so secret, and then she read to "switch it out without telling your family..." She paused with a chuckle, and said "Oops."