So yesterday, me, the Queen, and the princesses took a road trip to Arkansas to bid farewell to the Queen's great-great aunt. She was 93 and led a very full and happy life, by the sounds of what was said at the funeral. It made me wish I actually knew her. She sounded interesting.
We headed out of Tulsa on highway 412 at 6 in the morning and I noticed something rather amusing. Tulsa is the big city in my part of the state. The suburbs around it are mostly bedroom communities, though some, like Broken Arrow, have grown so large that they have a life of their own outside Tulsa. Well, the road ahead of us was completely clear at that time of the morning. Very few vehicles heading east. Now, the road coming into Tulsa was whole different story. We checked out the headlights on the other side of the road and there was a long, long line of them constantly rolling in. I guess a lot of people from outside of Tulsa come to the "big city" to find work. Granted, I work in Tulsa, but I also didn't pick my job either.
So we got to Arkansas, and there were more observations to be had. First, as you may know, Arkansas is the birthplace of Wal-Mart. It's based out of Bentonville, which we have driven through before. We passed a Neighborhood Market while in one of the town between here and our destination of Huntsville. Now, we have a neighborhood market in Broken Arrow, but it's referred to as a Wal-Mart Neighborhood Market. This particular store was called Neighborhood Market by Wal-Mart. It has the new orange firework looking symbol, so we're not sure if it's new or old branding it this way.
More amusing than that was two towns Arkansas has. One of them is Huntsville, which is where we were heading to (or Huntsvul, as it's pronounced there where people are "borned"). Not far from Huntsville is a town called Hindsville. Sure it's not spelled "Heinz," but to have two ketchup (or catsup, depending on your preference) cities so close together has made me wish that Worchestershire was closer than the UK. Now, the company that does Vlasic pickles is out of Fayetteville, so there's a good possibility of some condiment activity there.
What would be the most memorable thing for the princesses? Going a few miles on unpaved, country roads to the cemetery. Yeah, us city folk don't do country roads much.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Monday, October 12, 2009
Resentment
So one of the things this week on the whole 60-60 deal has to do with resentments. Now, I'm the first to say that I don't hold grudges, but as I pondered anything that I actually resent, I've found that a certain resentment (that I've already referenced) has been eating away at me for years. I started thinking about it in the present, but ending up tracing it back to even before I was married.
What is this resentment? I resent the blind rejections I've gotten from local theatres, who are only interested in pre-existing productions to get (and I was literally told this once) "butts in the seats." Never mind that I knew at the time that one production sold 20 seats. Yeah, 2-0. Twenty. So you're telling me that a locally written show wouldn't have enough draw to get more than 20 people in the theatre? Move on from that to query letters for musicals. No response or at least negative ones. Move on to query letters for screenplays. I've had two responses to read my scripts in the myriad of letters I've sent.
This is a sort of grudge that has been pent up for years upon years. It has affected most of my decisions as to what to do in regards to this career path of writing. It lead me to wanting to do it on my own. I mean, over ten years of denial leads you into crazy decisions. One might suggest that maybe I should consider just accepting my fate in the career I'm in that I only kind of like. I love writing, and honestly, I don't beat the dead horse of the same story over and over. No, I sent letters for a variety of things that I've written. These are things that other people (who don't have to like my stuff) have said is good or well-written. Basically, the resentment stems from my belief that I can't write a query letter to save my life, and if I could only get someone to read my actual scripts, they'd fare better.
That being said, I opted to consider it all from a more logical standpoint. People who read these letters are gatekeepers. Their job is to screen these ideas and find what they think will sell based solely on the words of the author. After all, a movie is a multi-million dollar business venture, and you can't risk that on a shaky idea. A musical is even more so, and even riskier since the actors are live and there every night. You can't dump money into something that is only a maybe. I have trouble writing query letters. But at the same time, these gatekeepers get hundreds of these daily. They probably have hundreds of scripts lined up to read on the weekends that did get past the query letter.
It's not a pretty system, but if I did have a production company, and I was accepting submissions, I would unfortunately have to say that I'd probably do it the same way. Give me your pitch, and I'll decide whether I want to spend time on the script. I once said that I'd give everyone a chance, but you know what? I couldn't. I'd want to, but it's just not feasible. And I'll bet some of these companies want to as well, which is why they opened their doors to unsolicited queries. They are forced to pass on the ones that MIGHT be good ideas for the ones that sound like they ARE good ideas. They know that some of those "mights" could be winners and that they're missing out, but what can they do?
Backing up further, community theatres have very limited budgets to play with, and taking a chance on something that no one has ever heard of is very, risky. They might lose their shirt on an established play, but they cna also point to awards the play has won and justify their selection. If they choose a total unknown and lose their shirt, they can't justify it very easily other than local flavor. And in all fairness, the show I was toting around back then WAS read by a community theatre group, and in equal fairness, they were right about its merit. It was hard to follow and hard to understand because I didn't write it very well. So, I have to admit that their rejection was completely justified.
Today, I have one that is actually better. My pride has this far prevented me from showing it to them or contacting them on it. Will they summarily reject it? You know, last week, I would have said "yes," followed up with some very snide remarks about them. Now? Well, now, I have to admit that I don't know. It's been 12 years since I talked to them. They've turned over since then, I'm sure, and who knows what they'll do? I do think that I'll continue my plan with this show to record it in its entirety as a concept recording. Then I might go to them and ask again if they'll have a look with this recording in tow. What's the worst they could do? Say no? Then where will I be? Right where I am, that's where.
So, I want to say that none of these people wronged me. It wasn't personal; it was business. I should not resent them for doing their jobs, and as such I forgive them. I forgive every rejection I've received since this resentment has made one part of me very, very bitter, and I need to let it go. So it's gone, and now I'll look forward with perhaps a shred of hope that not every query letter will turn out in failure. However, I'm listening to God for when they should be sent and where. I know I won't just release this immediately, but I know that admitting that it's there and wanting to be rid of it will step me in the right direction, and take me that much closer to peace in my life.
What is this resentment? I resent the blind rejections I've gotten from local theatres, who are only interested in pre-existing productions to get (and I was literally told this once) "butts in the seats." Never mind that I knew at the time that one production sold 20 seats. Yeah, 2-0. Twenty. So you're telling me that a locally written show wouldn't have enough draw to get more than 20 people in the theatre? Move on from that to query letters for musicals. No response or at least negative ones. Move on to query letters for screenplays. I've had two responses to read my scripts in the myriad of letters I've sent.
This is a sort of grudge that has been pent up for years upon years. It has affected most of my decisions as to what to do in regards to this career path of writing. It lead me to wanting to do it on my own. I mean, over ten years of denial leads you into crazy decisions. One might suggest that maybe I should consider just accepting my fate in the career I'm in that I only kind of like. I love writing, and honestly, I don't beat the dead horse of the same story over and over. No, I sent letters for a variety of things that I've written. These are things that other people (who don't have to like my stuff) have said is good or well-written. Basically, the resentment stems from my belief that I can't write a query letter to save my life, and if I could only get someone to read my actual scripts, they'd fare better.
That being said, I opted to consider it all from a more logical standpoint. People who read these letters are gatekeepers. Their job is to screen these ideas and find what they think will sell based solely on the words of the author. After all, a movie is a multi-million dollar business venture, and you can't risk that on a shaky idea. A musical is even more so, and even riskier since the actors are live and there every night. You can't dump money into something that is only a maybe. I have trouble writing query letters. But at the same time, these gatekeepers get hundreds of these daily. They probably have hundreds of scripts lined up to read on the weekends that did get past the query letter.
It's not a pretty system, but if I did have a production company, and I was accepting submissions, I would unfortunately have to say that I'd probably do it the same way. Give me your pitch, and I'll decide whether I want to spend time on the script. I once said that I'd give everyone a chance, but you know what? I couldn't. I'd want to, but it's just not feasible. And I'll bet some of these companies want to as well, which is why they opened their doors to unsolicited queries. They are forced to pass on the ones that MIGHT be good ideas for the ones that sound like they ARE good ideas. They know that some of those "mights" could be winners and that they're missing out, but what can they do?
Backing up further, community theatres have very limited budgets to play with, and taking a chance on something that no one has ever heard of is very, risky. They might lose their shirt on an established play, but they cna also point to awards the play has won and justify their selection. If they choose a total unknown and lose their shirt, they can't justify it very easily other than local flavor. And in all fairness, the show I was toting around back then WAS read by a community theatre group, and in equal fairness, they were right about its merit. It was hard to follow and hard to understand because I didn't write it very well. So, I have to admit that their rejection was completely justified.
Today, I have one that is actually better. My pride has this far prevented me from showing it to them or contacting them on it. Will they summarily reject it? You know, last week, I would have said "yes," followed up with some very snide remarks about them. Now? Well, now, I have to admit that I don't know. It's been 12 years since I talked to them. They've turned over since then, I'm sure, and who knows what they'll do? I do think that I'll continue my plan with this show to record it in its entirety as a concept recording. Then I might go to them and ask again if they'll have a look with this recording in tow. What's the worst they could do? Say no? Then where will I be? Right where I am, that's where.
So, I want to say that none of these people wronged me. It wasn't personal; it was business. I should not resent them for doing their jobs, and as such I forgive them. I forgive every rejection I've received since this resentment has made one part of me very, very bitter, and I need to let it go. So it's gone, and now I'll look forward with perhaps a shred of hope that not every query letter will turn out in failure. However, I'm listening to God for when they should be sent and where. I know I won't just release this immediately, but I know that admitting that it's there and wanting to be rid of it will step me in the right direction, and take me that much closer to peace in my life.
An Update of Things
As usual, I post a lot, and then post nothing. A big reason for this was I ran into a lot of things I prefer to keep to myself and not have everyone out there know too much. I write a lot, sure, but there is a limit to how much the world needs to know. However, here are some bits of interesting-ness.
First, the issue with the Student Loan is taken care of. Yup, my number one prayer consideration is handled. I could afford $100 to throw at it each month, and we now owe $80 per month on it. God answers.
The press release on the book went no where. However, I felt lead to send query letters to agents again, but this time, I used the press release as a template for the letter. I sent the query to 20 agents and 6 summarily rejected it, leaving 14 that have not responded. Some of them do respond if they turn it down, while some don't. I struggled with whether that message was a leading or just my head talking again. I wrestled with it for a few days, and finally sent the letters using the method I'd done before the get name. But while before, I'd only sent to 4, this time, as I said, it was 20. We'll see what happens. It's always in God's hands.
The weirdest of the weird, however, was today. I was walking back into the area where I sit, and thought I should go ahead and walk the stairs. I like walking the stairs, but this time, I was in a state of total silence since my iPod was charging. I shrugged and went to the stairwell to walk. Down I went. 18 flights. When I walk the stairs, I pray for guidance as to what is next for me. I have plans, and questioned whether these plans were right for me or not since I realized that a lot of what I do is based on a heavy-duty resentment towards all the rejections I got from both shopping around my musicals and screenplays. I wondered whether the plans of self-producing the movies and musical concept recordings was within His will for my life. After all, my desire to go it on my own came out of sheer frustration and anger.
So at the bottom of the stairs, what thought comes into my head? Query on this fantasy adventure script I wrote couple years ago. I'm like, "what? Who am I going to query on this? I don't even know any addresses for people." The next thought was even more shocking. Query the guy I know at the Asylum. I stopped walking and again, was like "what? You've got to be kidding."
If you've ever heard of the Asylum, you will know exactly why this was probably the most laughable idea known to mankind. These people have 5 movies in IMDB's bottom 50. They have most recently made their name producing what they call "mockbusters," which are movies similarly named and themed to major studio releases, such as The Transmorphers, Hillside Cannibals, Alien versus Hunter, and The Da Vinci Treasure, and Snakes on a Train. Their initial claim to fame was bad horror movies that focused on blood and boobs over plot and character. Uwe Boll would be at home here.
So the thought of suggesting a special effects laden fantasy adventure story to them was nothing short of crazy talk. Of course, the thing is that the idea was so very far out that I figured I should probably do it. God suggests stuff that is really, really nutty at times and yet, it works out. I expect the guy there to reply with a no, but I included a way to find the script online in the simplest way possible: Google it.It's been posted for years, so it came up instantly in Google when I searched for it specifically.
That last bit is the real reason I decided to make sure I posted today. Strange things like that don't come up often, so I figured, "why not?" I would say "here's hoping," but my carnal mind still can't believe I suggested to him. I'm more of the persuasion to hide and watch to see how it will play out. How did I describe it in the email? I said, "I don't suppose you all are looking for a fantasy adventure script with an original story and a ridiculous number of special effects." Maybe he'll be endeared to my sense of humor.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
