So I'm just Whining But...

I'm a writer and an entertainer for the most part as I've indicated before. I like to play my piano and write my stories, and the greatest thrill I get is knowing that people like what I put out there. Therefore, there are few things more frustrating for me than being completely ignored when I put something out there. I've got a few books and videos here and there, and of course, I've got a facebook page where I hock it all, and sure, maybe people are tired of me. Still, when I put out a video, it's never entertaining enough to be shared very far. Best I had for awhile was an effects video that was 8 seconds long that got a little over a hundred views in 24 hours and then stopped cold. And few to no people are interested in my music. I have made videos of quite a few songs that I've written and performed, and no matter how often I post and report, no one cares.

You see, I have spent a good portion of my life devoted to bettering myself at these goals I have, and the idea that everything I've done is completely pointless, and that I should resign myself to the programmer job since that's the only thing I'm good enough at is depressing. It invalidates my existence.

It's tough living an invalidated existence. Yes, I have a family. Yes, they make me happy. That's not what I'm talking about. We all have different sides to us, and in my case, I have the personal side, and the work side. The personal side is awesome per the aforementioned family and honestly, we're doing very well.

The work side sucks. I have a job that I dislike, though it's the best I've ever had. I play bass and keys at church, but I still long for true piano. The Queen does not understand my internal difference between keys and piano, but they're played differently. She thinks I'll never be satisfied, but I have a satisfaction point. I've just never reached it. I have written books, and though I have a loyal readership, it won't expand. I write songs that no one wants to listen to. I've sent letters for screenplays and my books to no avail. I have a movie too, but it gets no action whatsoever.

You see, I have a point that I will be satisfied with what is going on, but it's like I am constantly one step from that point in nearly every aspect of my life. I am allowed to taste just a little of where I want to be, but never allowed to cross over. I'm like a rocket that can see the edge of the atmosphere, but can't reach escape velocity.

If I could reach escape velocity in one piece of my work life, I would be at least a little happier. Heck, I'd be a lot happier if I could make a living out of about any of my talents. I have a truckload of them. I can play almost a dozen instruments and sing, but no music career. I can write books, screenplays, technical documents, and music (and lyrics), but no writing career in any of those fields. I know how to make a movie start to finish. I shot, edited, and even composed and performed all the music. No film career. I learned programming on an old computer I hooked to a TV and hacked old BASIC programs to play games. And that's all I have.

It's just a bummer.

Auto-Flushing Toilets

So at my workplace, we have these toilets with sensors that when you move away from them, they auto-flush. Clever technology. The idea is that you can go through the entire bathroom and only touch the door handle and maybe the paper towels. Well, one of the toilets here had been getting "stuck" in flush mode, and it would run for literally hours wasting water. The bathroom was so noisy with the constant whoosh of the flushing mechanism that it was annoying.

Well, recently, they got someone out here to fix it. now, the toilet does not spend all day in flush mode. No, they took it to the other extreme. Now, when you move away, it goes "whish," and really, it took you longer to say that word than it does for this toilet to activate and then shut off. So from the neverending flush, we now have to hold the handle down long enough for a reasonable flush to occur.

Seriously, did they not test this when they "fixed" it?

Woes of an Android Phone

I used to take note of posting ideas and save them up to post one thing a day. Now? I think I'll just roll things out as they come to me.

So what's the answer for people who aren't with a company that does the iPhone? Well, Android, of course. Android would be what happened when Apple went with that exclusive, AT&T only contract for their iPhone and as a result, they have serious competition. Well, sort of.

I have a early Samsung version of the Android phone, and I made a dreadful mistake with it. I upgraded the operating system from 2.1 to 2.2. Normally, an OS upgrade is a good thing. It keeps you on the cutting edge and able to run everything that comes out. Yeah, this is true unless your phone's hardware isn't capable of handling the new software.

My first impression of the new OS was that it was cool, but little by little, I found the cutting edge was just too much for my phone. Of course, once you're updated, you can't really go back. How do I know it isn't working for my phone? The time it takes to do...anything.

I unlock the screen...yes, just unlock the screen, and it takes no less than 30 seconds for the home screen to come up. I stare at my background and nothing else unless that first screen of apps shows up. If I want to make a call, I press the phone icon, wait, press the contact (I rarely dial a new number), wait (I stare at the screen until it connects to ensure it actually does), tap the screen once to stop the screen from blacking out and autolocking through inactivity, finally engage the call. Angry Birds plays on my phone, but I'm missing a lot of the background elements, and I have no level info

I have a Bible app so I can have a Bible always on me, and I am one of those freaks that pulls out his phone in church when the pastor says "Turn with me to..." However, it takes so long to unlock the phone, access the app, and then get to the book, chapter, and verse that by the time I have it pulled up, the pastor has not only read it, but he's moved on.

I don't hate my phone. It's just that the manufacturers didn't think about the hardware requirements when they made it. The Queen's, on the other hand, is a newer model with the cool Galaxy S system and it works great.

I'm jealous.

Been Awhile

You know, I haven't updated this in awhile not because there hasn't been anything to talk about, but because I can't seem to find myself a few minutes to sit down and write anything. I figure anything is better than nothing, and unlike previous attempts to stay updated, I'm not promising anything. Ideally, I'd like to type little tidbits of what's going on, but we'll see how reality treats us.

I suppose the most prevalent issue plaguing my brain at present is my job status. Unlike a lot of people, I am employed without a care for the state of my job. They love me, and depend on me for a lot of stuff, which is good. Nothing is true job security, of course, but I can say I feel pretty secure. But also like a lot of people, I'm not entirely happy. Some days are better than others, and it honestly has very little to do with the work or the people or any of the normal things that people find wrong with their employment. No, in my case, the issue is that  it's not the job I actually want to be doing.

I know that sounds childish, but at the same time, this is my blog, not yours, so I can say what I wish.

My job is basically a support programmer for a remittance program that posts data to hospital information systems. Say that five times fast. I have no problem doing it, and my boss says I do it very well. Like I said, I'm very secure in my position, though obviously careful not to be too secure since there's someone somewhere behind me that can step right up and do the same thing. There always is.

But as I sit here day after day doing this, I have that constant and nagging reminder in the back of my head that in my heart I'm a writer, not a programmer. Programming has its level of creativity, but writing is my true passion. I searched our company's internal job database to see if there was a writer position within these walls, and I found a technical writer project manager. My thought? I want to write. Not manage the writing. Maybe that's narrow of me, and I can say I'm not qualified, but I also have to consider that I grossly "unqualified" for my current position. I think I'm one of very, very few people on this floor without a college degree. Sometimes, it's more important to someone to be able to do a job than to be able to show a piece of paper that they're qualified.

Now, could I potentially manage a group of people writing toward a goal? Of course. I have that level of creativity, and I've done technical writing before. Still, it's not my goal. Do I want to go from one halfway point to another halfway point?

My goal is to be my own writer, and presently, I am hitting the last brick wall of getting agents or publishers to pay attention to my books. Of all the fields of writing, books are probably the easiest to break into because they're the least expensive for anyone to take a chance on. Now don't misunderstand me. This is not to say getting in is easy, because I have yet to be accepted.

But I'm hopeful the time will come, and until then, I'll continue in my halfway point, not doing the dream. It's just one of those days when not being a success is bumming me out.