It's time for a terrifying tale. This one was told by my good friend, Optimus Prime, who apparently has a bit of a reputation. He says that fat guys have a set of rules kind of like the Gremlins (or Mogwai) do. You know, you can't feed them after midnight, keep away from water, that sort of thing.
Well, the rules with fat guys are apparently do not feed them beans or alcohol. Follow these rules and they're pretty lovable and playful. Fail to follow them, and it's pretty scary. Here's why.
On his 21st birthday, he was one of four people there and he had about 8 or 9 shots. This means he was rather plastered, and ended up in the bathroom for a bit. Well, the naked fat guy in the bathroom vomiting and farting made the room all but unusable for everyone else. So lesson learned there.
He already knew beans were right out, so he ensures that he doesn't eat any dish that contains beans. In fact, I asked him once if he'd been to Ron's and he had, but asked me if they put beans in their chili. I said they don't, so he mentioned that chili cheese fries were awesome.
This aversion to beans likely came from the fact that they were a catalyst for the destruction of a Ranger he used to have. He went to some Mexican place in Warrensburg, MO and enjoyed a dish that contained beans. When he and his friend started the 2 hour and 45 minute drive back to Joplin, the gas began.
They rolled the windows down. It didn't help. The smell was overpowering. The driver gunned the engine to full power, and they made that drive from Warrensburg to Joplin in an hour and a half. They survived, but the Ranger's engine didn't.
So he learned the lesson that beans equals bad things happen. This doesn't stop him from giggling when the lesser offenses waft out, but he stayed away from the bean dishes and alcohol. The time came when he was to take a business trip from Missouri to California with three other people from his office at the time. While in the airport, they had a meal and asked the waiter prior to ordering if a particular dish had beans in it. The waiter assured him that it did not.
Following the meal, he got to looking at his nearly empty plate and commented that it looked like the dish did, in fact, contain beans. The waiter shrugged and said, "I guess it did." Well... time to get on the plane for a three and a half hour flight.
It was ten minutes into the flight when the giggling began. Moments later, his co-workers "recognized the rancid smell," and declared him to be the source of the offending scent. But the gas didn't stop. It kept coming...until about 20 minutes before they landed, it kept coming. Air on a plane recirculates, and since it was a Southwest flight, it didn't get filtered. People 8 and 9 rows back were getting physically ill. It was horrible.
They had a layover in Arizona, and his fellow travellers forbid him to eat anything. The second half of the trip was a lot less scentful.
But that's not where the story ends. You see, a legend must come out of this. While they were in California, he was walking down the sidewalk with everyone and his boss was laggin behind a bit. He was far enough back to overhear one of the passers-by begin, "Remember that guy I told you about on the plane...?"
Unfortunately, the tale of terror does not end there. The other day, he was driving around with his wife in their new, cool Mustang, and a rancid smell pervaded the air. She looked at him, but he wasn't giggling. They looked back at their son, who was sporting a smile of his own.
The gas has been passed.
Friday, April 25, 2008
Looking the Wrong Direction
The movie industry gets a lot of heat from a lot of people about the content they produce. This has been true since the very beginning, and from these concerns, we have grown from the restrictions from 1933 to 1968 to the ratings system we have now that continues to evolve. A lot of people don't know how exactly the ratings work, where they come from, who determines then, or what they're even for.
In 1968, following filmmakers getting around the studio rules and the federal government threatening to step in and control the creative products that the studios output, they devised a rating system comprised of 4 ratings: G, M, R, and X. G hasn't changed since it came out; M meant Mature was perceived as stronger than R, so they changed it to GP and then PG; R is the same as it is now; and X was for films that were either stronger than R or for films that didn't want to be rated. Since then, we've also gotten PG-13 for those in-between PG and R movies, and X was replaced by NC-17, but there intent hasn't changed.
The purpose behind the ratings was to give parents a basic idea of whether or not they should take their children to see a particular film. That's it. Who determines the rating of a film? Parents do. The ratings board consists of people who have children and they vote on the rating of a particular film after they screen it. Sometimes, studios are shooting for a particular audience, and will make cuts to the film based on the initial rating to try and get a lower one so they can market their movie to their intended audience.
So you can see this isn't rocket science; it's an opinion. An opinion of a group of parents employed by the MPAA as to which age group and above should be allowed to view the film based on the content along with a handful of criteria that no one is made aware of. They just figure it out over time. As a general rule, studios comply with the ratings system and submit their films to the MPAA to go through the screening process to be rated before they're released. This means that parents are given a simple system by the movie industry to decide whether or not they should let their kids watch the movie in question.
So why, oh why, do parents complain about the films that Hollywood produces? They complain about everything. The main complaint is that they're too violent, although those that are violent have a high rating, which makes me wonder why their kids are watching them to begin with. Don't parents have control over their own children?
Then there's the marketing complaint, which has some measure of validity, but it also shows how easily parents fold to their desires of their youngsters. McDonald's, to cite the example I've read most recently, marketed toys for the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film, which is rated PG-13. Parents complained that the studios were marketing a PG-13 film to children. They also complain that there are lines of toys for PG-13 movies that are played with by children and will entice the kids to want to see the movie.
As true as this is, it should also cause the parents to want to watch it first based on the rating it was given. From that rating, it is up to them to decide whether their children could handle the film and its content. The PG-13 rating, in my opinion, for Pirates and Spiderman and Transformers (these were the three prominent examples given for the toy lines) is based largely on the battle violence in the films, but it's also very comic bookish in that while it is intense, you also rarely see any blood. It's all hits, but very little damage, much like the cartoons from the 80's (remember GI Joe running through a field of lasers and not a one is hit?).
So while we can completely acknowledge that the marketing is a bit misguided, it remains the parents' responsibility to screen the movie before just blindly giving in to the little one. Sure, they put out the toys, but right there on the poster is a big PG-13. I can't see that the studios are trying to blind side us there.
Another rather interesting thing I learned of yesterday was a class about working against showing people smoking in films targeted to children. Newflash for those in charge of this program: the MPAA now rates any film with smoking with an R. This means no one under 17 without a parent or guardian. Makes me want to ask the person in charge of the class why they're allowing their children to watch R rated films.
So the studio has already handled the smoking issue the only way they can, and yet, there is a group of people out there that feel the need to beat the issue into the ground. They deal with the violence and sex issues through their ratings, and yet people want to attack that as well.
The reason the ratings were institutated to begin with is because filmmakers wanted to make the films they wanted to make. They wanted no restrictions from the studio system, and so they can now feel free to make any story at all. But guess what... They have issues agains tthe system as well. Why? Because certain store chains won't carry ratings over R, so if they happen to make a film that is rated an NC-17, it won't sell. And R rated movies cannot be advertised on network TV, so some studios won't deal with an R rating if they're looking for the advertising.
Because of this, the filmmakers feel all of a sudden restricted again because when they get their R rating, the studio wants a PG-13 so they can advertise on network TV. And if they get an NC-17, they want it cut to an R, so they can sell it in Wal-Mart. Of course, the irony there is that Wal-Mart will carry the "unrated" versions of the movies containing material "too hot for theatres." Um, that would be NC-17 without the rating. I think that's fairly close to the spelling of hypocritical.
This means that filmmakers can make the films they want to make, deliver the cut down PG-13 or R version, and then when the DVD comes out, put in all the stuff they cut and deliver the "unrated" version to the stores. But wait, if they got an NC-17, wouldn't they have to put that on the case?
Nope. You see, the MPAA ratings system is voluntary. So if they don't like the rating, they can strip it and call it unrated. Nothing requires them to post the rating, but it won't sell unless they do (except in the case of those fabulous "unrated" DVDs). Of course, the studios can submit their extended versions to the MPAA for a rating. The extended editions of Lord of the Rings, for instance, are still rated PG-13. They can't display that unless that version of the movie was submitted.
So the ratings system was created for a simple reason: to inform parents about whether they can take their kids or not to a movie without pre-screening it while allowing the filmmakers to make the movie they want to make. It has turned into something that a lot of parents clearly ignore, and filmmakers get restricted by. How ironic.
In 1968, following filmmakers getting around the studio rules and the federal government threatening to step in and control the creative products that the studios output, they devised a rating system comprised of 4 ratings: G, M, R, and X. G hasn't changed since it came out; M meant Mature was perceived as stronger than R, so they changed it to GP and then PG; R is the same as it is now; and X was for films that were either stronger than R or for films that didn't want to be rated. Since then, we've also gotten PG-13 for those in-between PG and R movies, and X was replaced by NC-17, but there intent hasn't changed.
The purpose behind the ratings was to give parents a basic idea of whether or not they should take their children to see a particular film. That's it. Who determines the rating of a film? Parents do. The ratings board consists of people who have children and they vote on the rating of a particular film after they screen it. Sometimes, studios are shooting for a particular audience, and will make cuts to the film based on the initial rating to try and get a lower one so they can market their movie to their intended audience.
So you can see this isn't rocket science; it's an opinion. An opinion of a group of parents employed by the MPAA as to which age group and above should be allowed to view the film based on the content along with a handful of criteria that no one is made aware of. They just figure it out over time. As a general rule, studios comply with the ratings system and submit their films to the MPAA to go through the screening process to be rated before they're released. This means that parents are given a simple system by the movie industry to decide whether or not they should let their kids watch the movie in question.
So why, oh why, do parents complain about the films that Hollywood produces? They complain about everything. The main complaint is that they're too violent, although those that are violent have a high rating, which makes me wonder why their kids are watching them to begin with. Don't parents have control over their own children?
Then there's the marketing complaint, which has some measure of validity, but it also shows how easily parents fold to their desires of their youngsters. McDonald's, to cite the example I've read most recently, marketed toys for the latest Pirates of the Caribbean film, which is rated PG-13. Parents complained that the studios were marketing a PG-13 film to children. They also complain that there are lines of toys for PG-13 movies that are played with by children and will entice the kids to want to see the movie.
As true as this is, it should also cause the parents to want to watch it first based on the rating it was given. From that rating, it is up to them to decide whether their children could handle the film and its content. The PG-13 rating, in my opinion, for Pirates and Spiderman and Transformers (these were the three prominent examples given for the toy lines) is based largely on the battle violence in the films, but it's also very comic bookish in that while it is intense, you also rarely see any blood. It's all hits, but very little damage, much like the cartoons from the 80's (remember GI Joe running through a field of lasers and not a one is hit?).
So while we can completely acknowledge that the marketing is a bit misguided, it remains the parents' responsibility to screen the movie before just blindly giving in to the little one. Sure, they put out the toys, but right there on the poster is a big PG-13. I can't see that the studios are trying to blind side us there.
Another rather interesting thing I learned of yesterday was a class about working against showing people smoking in films targeted to children. Newflash for those in charge of this program: the MPAA now rates any film with smoking with an R. This means no one under 17 without a parent or guardian. Makes me want to ask the person in charge of the class why they're allowing their children to watch R rated films.
So the studio has already handled the smoking issue the only way they can, and yet, there is a group of people out there that feel the need to beat the issue into the ground. They deal with the violence and sex issues through their ratings, and yet people want to attack that as well.
The reason the ratings were institutated to begin with is because filmmakers wanted to make the films they wanted to make. They wanted no restrictions from the studio system, and so they can now feel free to make any story at all. But guess what... They have issues agains tthe system as well. Why? Because certain store chains won't carry ratings over R, so if they happen to make a film that is rated an NC-17, it won't sell. And R rated movies cannot be advertised on network TV, so some studios won't deal with an R rating if they're looking for the advertising.
Because of this, the filmmakers feel all of a sudden restricted again because when they get their R rating, the studio wants a PG-13 so they can advertise on network TV. And if they get an NC-17, they want it cut to an R, so they can sell it in Wal-Mart. Of course, the irony there is that Wal-Mart will carry the "unrated" versions of the movies containing material "too hot for theatres." Um, that would be NC-17 without the rating. I think that's fairly close to the spelling of hypocritical.
This means that filmmakers can make the films they want to make, deliver the cut down PG-13 or R version, and then when the DVD comes out, put in all the stuff they cut and deliver the "unrated" version to the stores. But wait, if they got an NC-17, wouldn't they have to put that on the case?
Nope. You see, the MPAA ratings system is voluntary. So if they don't like the rating, they can strip it and call it unrated. Nothing requires them to post the rating, but it won't sell unless they do (except in the case of those fabulous "unrated" DVDs). Of course, the studios can submit their extended versions to the MPAA for a rating. The extended editions of Lord of the Rings, for instance, are still rated PG-13. They can't display that unless that version of the movie was submitted.
So the ratings system was created for a simple reason: to inform parents about whether they can take their kids or not to a movie without pre-screening it while allowing the filmmakers to make the movie they want to make. It has turned into something that a lot of parents clearly ignore, and filmmakers get restricted by. How ironic.
Thursday, April 24, 2008
AD/HD = A Day of Hell & Disorder
So, yesterday wasn't so great a day for me. Maybe I've mentioned it, and maybe I haven't, but I'm one of those people who (should I find my way into a psychiatrist's office) would be diagnosed as having adult AD/HD. I actually was diagnosed as a child, which is a key element to its diagnosis as an adult, but I pretty much personify about every other symptom it has. But first, what happened...
One characteristic of the job I do is that I actually do multiple mini-jobs. I made a list once, and there are six things I'm actually either known for or held responsible for. The only way I can deal with six things is to do them one at a time, because that is the only way I can ever hope to "multi-task." Sometimes, I can switch back and forth, but not easily, and I can feel overwhelmed rather quickly if I'm not careful (or simply get lost in what I'm doing).
Yesterday, I managed to have several things dumped on me at the same time, so I had little choice but to deal with them all at once. But for someone who has difficulty focusing on more than one task, this created an enormous amount of frustration, and I was forced to step back several times to regain my focus on what I'm doing. I continually flipped through my open windows and such to try and remember everything and try desperately to get it all taken care of. I'm actually very thorough when I get things done, and they get done well, but it's acquiring the necessary focus to do them that's the difficult part.
The popular conception of AD/HD is somewhat accurate. The drifting attention span does happen, but when it happens is actually very random. It does not always occur when something shiny floats past. One aspect rarely mentioned in the se popular conceptions is that of hyperfocus, and it is this hyperfocus that serves to contribute largely to the attention drift everyone (hyper)focuses on. AD/HD folks don't always have an attention deficit, but they tend to focus on whatever is interesting to them to the detriment of everything else. This means (in my case) if my attention drifts off of whatever is going on right now, it probably means I'm drifting to something I find immensely interesting. To make this more confusing, a drifting interest to something else does not automatically mean that I don't find whatever I drifted from un-interesting.
But so far, I've only managed to talk about one single symptom. Here's a cut and paste from wikipedia.org of a short list: "The most common symptoms of ADHD are distractibility, difficulty with concentration and focus, short term memory slippage, procrastination, problems organizing ideas and belongings, tardiness, impulsivity, and weak planning and execution." How do I rank? Well, I was written up for tardiness at other jobs and although I aim to be at my current job at 7 (I'm actually scheduled for 8), I usually arrive at 7:05-7:10. The Queen will attest to my "short term memory slippage," and probably can give more examples than I can remember (haha). I'm procrastinating right now. For organization, my bedroom and my desk at work look cluttered (but I swear I can find everything; it's all about their perception). If you get the Queen started on "impulsivity, and weak planning and execution," you'll probably get an entire evening.
Naturally, the DSM IV, which provides specific diagnostic information has a lot more detail to it, and I noticed this list left out a lot of the hyperactivity stuff, but I'll throw that in later. Too boring at the moment. Basically, reading the wikipedia article (again) is like reading about me since I fit so much of it so closely. I could fit 9 out of 9 of the attention symptoms, but anymore, only 5 out of the 10 hyperactivity ones. Now, you may feel like I'm grasping at something to be a bit of a psychological hypochondriac, but here's another acknowledgement.
One of the criteria is that the symptoms have to provide significant impairment. Guess what? I've learned to control the hyperactivity, and some other aspects of my personality allow me to be un-impaired. What it amounts to is that while I have an issue being attentive, I'm also smart and quick enough to catch up whatever I was supposed to do that I got distracted from. So if I were able to maintain focus, I'd probably be 3 or 4 times as productive as a normal employee in the workplace, but woth my drifting attention span, I just appear nominally productive in comparison to everyone else, especially since I learn so quickly and provide an intelligent and thorough answer to a problem I've only spent a few minutes on.
So how do I go about "treating" this so I minimize all this distractability? There's a fabulous irony to this because what I use (since I have no medication for it) is caffeine. Yup, stimulants have been the primary treatment method for this for years and years. Ritalin, one of the more popular drugs, is a hyper-stimulant. The reason this works is because of the brain functioning behind the condition in that one piece of the brain functions slowly, so the stimulant properties of the ritalin or Mountain Dew serve to stimulate that portion of the brain and actually calm me down. If you run across someone who caffeine "doesn't affect" or even "calms down," you've probably found someone with AD/HD, whether they know it or not.
Yesterday, I was getting beyond frustrated and I was bouncing about wildly. I kept on the Mountain Dew, having a total of five, I believe, by the end of the day. It wasn't helping. I did get through everything, but it was very difficult, and I had to step away multiple times and regroup by going back over and back over my open windows to figure out what I was doing. It's hard sometimes, and people don't really understand too much, and even get frustrated themselves since they feel like I'm being rude or lazy or what have you.
Ready for another wrench in this bit of fun? I'm really, really introverted. On a scale of -10 to 10 whether -10 was the most introverted and 10 was the most extroverted, I scored a -9.4. The primary difference between introverts and extroverts is how they "recharge" their brains. Extroverts require the presence of others and those personal interactions are what fuels their brains and makes them happy. Introverts, by contrast, require time alone with their own thoughts to ponder whatever they want to, and it is the actual lack of any interaction with anyone else that makes them happy. One thing that added to my being overwhelmed was that I spoke with people almost all day yesterday. Normally, I have time where I work in the system quietly and that allows me my "recharge time" during the day. I didn't get much of that yesterday, so I was on edge when I got off.
When I get off work, everyone wants my attention and rightly so. I want to make sure the Queen and the princesses are attended to, and I always make sure I'm available...ok, I try to make sure I'm available, but it doesn't always work.
Yesterday, when I got home, I opted to play my favorite game at the moment: Guitar Hero. The Queen likes to watch stuff at 7, so I wanted to get in a couple songs before then. Well, the Queen needed to clean since she's having someone over tomorrow to babysit, so there was a lot of activity as the princesses were picking their things up and the Queen was running around like crazy. For the record, I asked if she needed me to help, but she said she was fine for the moment.
The princesses were being over the top in being kids, which to my already overwhelmed head, only served to make it worse because I couldn't lose myself in the game, which is what I desperately needed. I finally had to stop playing the second time the Queen vaccuumed because attempting to play the game in that choas got me even more frustrated than I already was.
Oh, what was I trying to play on Guitar Hero? If you've ever gone through Guitar Hero III, you've probably heard of this "song," using the term as loosely as I can. It's got 2 stars on my iPod and is removed from the general shuffle. I only keep it for completist purposes for the game. It's a very short song, fortunately, but it's relentless and hard as hell to play. It's the only song in the hard level I have not yet finished because it's so difficult. Scorehero.com had so many threads started on this one song that they consolidated them all and asked their members to not start any more. Have you guessed it yet? It's a song by Slasher called Raining Blood.
The song sounds like it's all the random crap ideas the band had while composing an album and they just tossed them all together and called it a song. It's the only song I haven't scored five stars on on the medium level because the way I play Guitar Hero is to feel the music and just follow the button scheme on screen based on what I hear. The concept of the game is to press the button and strum as the gem crosses the line at the base of the screen. That's way too complicated, and being a musician, my way works rather well...well, it does on songs that have a melody or music of some kind to follow. My best on medium is four stars...once.
Raining Blood is not only difficult with a ton of ridiculous runs, but it is impossible to follow the music leaving you to stare at the screen and try the whole "strum as the gem crosses the line" bit. This is the only song I've practised on more than one day. I've played it through on multiple slowness levels. I've played through it multiple times on full speed in practice. I've played this song more times than any other song in the game. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to get through it at this point, but I just can't. I looked for cheat codes and it would figure that there isn't a cheat to just "no fail" Raining Blood on career. Argh!
Believe me, the Queen and I are both tired of this song because we both just hate it. It's actually sad, too, because I like almost every song in this game, many of them getting 4 or 5 stars on my iPod.
So, my frustration is then compounded by this one song that I can't get through to face off with Lou on a good song, The Devil Went Down to Georgia. It's also getting to be time for dinner and close to 7 anyway. She watches Big Brother and I watch that with her along with a movie on my iPod, and later, while the Queen is sewing, I have another go. I play it a few times more, but when I can't get it, I play some of the other songs. I whip through several of them without a problem, even scoring five stars on one of them. But when I go back to Raining Blood, I get 35-36% through it again. This is as far as I've gotten every time I've played it. Every time. Every single freaking time!
The sad part is that once I get past this section (called Mosh 1 in practice), the next section isn't much better, and no where in the song does it let up for a little repreive to get the level out of the red. But I've got to get past 36% first.
I took a short break in the middle of playing it for a little Lego Star Wars which was very relaxing. Just played one level before I got it into my head that I might be able to use a cheat code to get through the level. Ah, perfect. I looked and looked and no cheat to beat just that one level. I was hoping for a "no fail" code or something, but it doesn't work on career, as I said earlier. I tried one, but it turned out to be a big waste of time to look for something.
So I went onto other songs after that code didn't work, and I do worse as worse as the night goes on until finally I start bombing out on easy sections of songs I've played from the early levels as I was hoping to get a higher star level. I had to turn it off before I stressed myself into a coma.
Coming off of something like that where I was failing at something I knew I was better at was very, very depressing. The Queen tried to cheer me up. She did everything she could, but I was not to be helped without that quiet time I'd needed all night. I should have kept playing Star Wars (like the Queen told me to). I would have been fine. In the end, I calmed down enough to change for bed, and then I lay next to the Queen and finished my movie.
Today, I just feel like I could have handled it all better, but that's the curse of AD/HD: you don't do the snap good decisions very well. Reflectively, it's always crystal clear what you "should have" done, but in the moment, it never makes any sense, and it always feels like the ok thing to do. I always tell the Queen that I need to listen to her, but again, that's the reflective answer, and in the moment I never listen. It's kind of dumb, and I wish I could control the attention deficit part as well as I control the hyperactivity, but I can't. It sucks.
One characteristic of the job I do is that I actually do multiple mini-jobs. I made a list once, and there are six things I'm actually either known for or held responsible for. The only way I can deal with six things is to do them one at a time, because that is the only way I can ever hope to "multi-task." Sometimes, I can switch back and forth, but not easily, and I can feel overwhelmed rather quickly if I'm not careful (or simply get lost in what I'm doing).
Yesterday, I managed to have several things dumped on me at the same time, so I had little choice but to deal with them all at once. But for someone who has difficulty focusing on more than one task, this created an enormous amount of frustration, and I was forced to step back several times to regain my focus on what I'm doing. I continually flipped through my open windows and such to try and remember everything and try desperately to get it all taken care of. I'm actually very thorough when I get things done, and they get done well, but it's acquiring the necessary focus to do them that's the difficult part.
The popular conception of AD/HD is somewhat accurate. The drifting attention span does happen, but when it happens is actually very random. It does not always occur when something shiny floats past. One aspect rarely mentioned in the se popular conceptions is that of hyperfocus, and it is this hyperfocus that serves to contribute largely to the attention drift everyone (hyper)focuses on. AD/HD folks don't always have an attention deficit, but they tend to focus on whatever is interesting to them to the detriment of everything else. This means (in my case) if my attention drifts off of whatever is going on right now, it probably means I'm drifting to something I find immensely interesting. To make this more confusing, a drifting interest to something else does not automatically mean that I don't find whatever I drifted from un-interesting.
But so far, I've only managed to talk about one single symptom. Here's a cut and paste from wikipedia.org of a short list: "The most common symptoms of ADHD are distractibility, difficulty with concentration and focus, short term memory slippage, procrastination, problems organizing ideas and belongings, tardiness, impulsivity, and weak planning and execution." How do I rank? Well, I was written up for tardiness at other jobs and although I aim to be at my current job at 7 (I'm actually scheduled for 8), I usually arrive at 7:05-7:10. The Queen will attest to my "short term memory slippage," and probably can give more examples than I can remember (haha). I'm procrastinating right now. For organization, my bedroom and my desk at work look cluttered (but I swear I can find everything; it's all about their perception). If you get the Queen started on "impulsivity, and weak planning and execution," you'll probably get an entire evening.
Naturally, the DSM IV, which provides specific diagnostic information has a lot more detail to it, and I noticed this list left out a lot of the hyperactivity stuff, but I'll throw that in later. Too boring at the moment. Basically, reading the wikipedia article (again) is like reading about me since I fit so much of it so closely. I could fit 9 out of 9 of the attention symptoms, but anymore, only 5 out of the 10 hyperactivity ones. Now, you may feel like I'm grasping at something to be a bit of a psychological hypochondriac, but here's another acknowledgement.
One of the criteria is that the symptoms have to provide significant impairment. Guess what? I've learned to control the hyperactivity, and some other aspects of my personality allow me to be un-impaired. What it amounts to is that while I have an issue being attentive, I'm also smart and quick enough to catch up whatever I was supposed to do that I got distracted from. So if I were able to maintain focus, I'd probably be 3 or 4 times as productive as a normal employee in the workplace, but woth my drifting attention span, I just appear nominally productive in comparison to everyone else, especially since I learn so quickly and provide an intelligent and thorough answer to a problem I've only spent a few minutes on.
So how do I go about "treating" this so I minimize all this distractability? There's a fabulous irony to this because what I use (since I have no medication for it) is caffeine. Yup, stimulants have been the primary treatment method for this for years and years. Ritalin, one of the more popular drugs, is a hyper-stimulant. The reason this works is because of the brain functioning behind the condition in that one piece of the brain functions slowly, so the stimulant properties of the ritalin or Mountain Dew serve to stimulate that portion of the brain and actually calm me down. If you run across someone who caffeine "doesn't affect" or even "calms down," you've probably found someone with AD/HD, whether they know it or not.
Yesterday, I was getting beyond frustrated and I was bouncing about wildly. I kept on the Mountain Dew, having a total of five, I believe, by the end of the day. It wasn't helping. I did get through everything, but it was very difficult, and I had to step away multiple times and regroup by going back over and back over my open windows to figure out what I was doing. It's hard sometimes, and people don't really understand too much, and even get frustrated themselves since they feel like I'm being rude or lazy or what have you.
Ready for another wrench in this bit of fun? I'm really, really introverted. On a scale of -10 to 10 whether -10 was the most introverted and 10 was the most extroverted, I scored a -9.4. The primary difference between introverts and extroverts is how they "recharge" their brains. Extroverts require the presence of others and those personal interactions are what fuels their brains and makes them happy. Introverts, by contrast, require time alone with their own thoughts to ponder whatever they want to, and it is the actual lack of any interaction with anyone else that makes them happy. One thing that added to my being overwhelmed was that I spoke with people almost all day yesterday. Normally, I have time where I work in the system quietly and that allows me my "recharge time" during the day. I didn't get much of that yesterday, so I was on edge when I got off.
When I get off work, everyone wants my attention and rightly so. I want to make sure the Queen and the princesses are attended to, and I always make sure I'm available...ok, I try to make sure I'm available, but it doesn't always work.
Yesterday, when I got home, I opted to play my favorite game at the moment: Guitar Hero. The Queen likes to watch stuff at 7, so I wanted to get in a couple songs before then. Well, the Queen needed to clean since she's having someone over tomorrow to babysit, so there was a lot of activity as the princesses were picking their things up and the Queen was running around like crazy. For the record, I asked if she needed me to help, but she said she was fine for the moment.
The princesses were being over the top in being kids, which to my already overwhelmed head, only served to make it worse because I couldn't lose myself in the game, which is what I desperately needed. I finally had to stop playing the second time the Queen vaccuumed because attempting to play the game in that choas got me even more frustrated than I already was.
Oh, what was I trying to play on Guitar Hero? If you've ever gone through Guitar Hero III, you've probably heard of this "song," using the term as loosely as I can. It's got 2 stars on my iPod and is removed from the general shuffle. I only keep it for completist purposes for the game. It's a very short song, fortunately, but it's relentless and hard as hell to play. It's the only song in the hard level I have not yet finished because it's so difficult. Scorehero.com had so many threads started on this one song that they consolidated them all and asked their members to not start any more. Have you guessed it yet? It's a song by Slasher called Raining Blood.
The song sounds like it's all the random crap ideas the band had while composing an album and they just tossed them all together and called it a song. It's the only song I haven't scored five stars on on the medium level because the way I play Guitar Hero is to feel the music and just follow the button scheme on screen based on what I hear. The concept of the game is to press the button and strum as the gem crosses the line at the base of the screen. That's way too complicated, and being a musician, my way works rather well...well, it does on songs that have a melody or music of some kind to follow. My best on medium is four stars...once.
Raining Blood is not only difficult with a ton of ridiculous runs, but it is impossible to follow the music leaving you to stare at the screen and try the whole "strum as the gem crosses the line" bit. This is the only song I've practised on more than one day. I've played it through on multiple slowness levels. I've played through it multiple times on full speed in practice. I've played this song more times than any other song in the game. There is no reason why I shouldn't be able to get through it at this point, but I just can't. I looked for cheat codes and it would figure that there isn't a cheat to just "no fail" Raining Blood on career. Argh!
Believe me, the Queen and I are both tired of this song because we both just hate it. It's actually sad, too, because I like almost every song in this game, many of them getting 4 or 5 stars on my iPod.
So, my frustration is then compounded by this one song that I can't get through to face off with Lou on a good song, The Devil Went Down to Georgia. It's also getting to be time for dinner and close to 7 anyway. She watches Big Brother and I watch that with her along with a movie on my iPod, and later, while the Queen is sewing, I have another go. I play it a few times more, but when I can't get it, I play some of the other songs. I whip through several of them without a problem, even scoring five stars on one of them. But when I go back to Raining Blood, I get 35-36% through it again. This is as far as I've gotten every time I've played it. Every time. Every single freaking time!
The sad part is that once I get past this section (called Mosh 1 in practice), the next section isn't much better, and no where in the song does it let up for a little repreive to get the level out of the red. But I've got to get past 36% first.
I took a short break in the middle of playing it for a little Lego Star Wars which was very relaxing. Just played one level before I got it into my head that I might be able to use a cheat code to get through the level. Ah, perfect. I looked and looked and no cheat to beat just that one level. I was hoping for a "no fail" code or something, but it doesn't work on career, as I said earlier. I tried one, but it turned out to be a big waste of time to look for something.
So I went onto other songs after that code didn't work, and I do worse as worse as the night goes on until finally I start bombing out on easy sections of songs I've played from the early levels as I was hoping to get a higher star level. I had to turn it off before I stressed myself into a coma.
Coming off of something like that where I was failing at something I knew I was better at was very, very depressing. The Queen tried to cheer me up. She did everything she could, but I was not to be helped without that quiet time I'd needed all night. I should have kept playing Star Wars (like the Queen told me to). I would have been fine. In the end, I calmed down enough to change for bed, and then I lay next to the Queen and finished my movie.
Today, I just feel like I could have handled it all better, but that's the curse of AD/HD: you don't do the snap good decisions very well. Reflectively, it's always crystal clear what you "should have" done, but in the moment, it never makes any sense, and it always feels like the ok thing to do. I always tell the Queen that I need to listen to her, but again, that's the reflective answer, and in the moment I never listen. It's kind of dumb, and I wish I could control the attention deficit part as well as I control the hyperactivity, but I can't. It sucks.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Prime's House - The Conclusion
When we last left my friend, Optimus Prime, he was going on vacation, eagerly awaiting the closing of his house. In theory, the closing date was to be that Monday after he went on vacation, giving him his entire week off to move and get settled. This was a logical assumption since their contractual close date was on Monday, and it would stand to reason that everyone would work to get things done by this point, especially since their realtor was also their mortgage broker. As reasonable as it sounds, this was not to be.
Instead, like a kid waiting for that perfect girl to call, he spent a lot of his week hovering over the phone, just in case the underwriters got their act together (finally) and decided to hand over the money. He said he enjoyed his first couple days off, but by Wednesday, he was anxious because he felt like he was wasting his vacation by not being able to move.
On that Tuesday, he knew that the underwriters wanted to look at the appraisal again before they moved forward. He was informed that this "looking at the appraisal" would take 24 hours and it would be another day after that before they could close because they'd have to schedule a time for everyone to get together. I imagine by this point, the sellers were probably getting anxious as well (but don't quote me on that).
Add to this that they still didn't have a car. The plan was that they close on their house and then run to the car lot to get a car. Talk about spending some money in a week. So Wednesday had also come and gone without a house and without a car, so they'd been trapped at home thorughout half his vacation at that point.
And just to heap something else onto the pile, their plan was to wash the laundry that was drenched during the ceiling incident (read: all of it) once they moved in. Well, by now, this laundry was getting pretty rank, and they were running out of things to wear. Patience is a virtue, but I think this would have been more than I wanted to deal with. I'd've broken down and found a laundromat since their complex's laundromat was nothing to write home about...well, then again, their whole complex was nothing to write home about.
One really has to wonder about these Case and Associates people. They own a huge number of aparment complexes around here, so it would stand to reason that they're doing something right...right? I asked Prime about this, and he commented that it was their office staff. Not only are they incredibly nice, but apparently the company feels that men are the ones doing the apartment shopping as the office is staffed with women of model standards of appearance. I guess the idea is to lose the shopper in their appearance and forget about how crappy the place looks, so by the time you figure out what just happened, you're stuck in a lease.
So by Thursday here, the waves had calmed down pretty much, and my day was nearly over when at 4:59, my phone rings. I roll my eyes thinking that someone decided to wait till the last minute to call and that there was no way I was going to pick that up. That's why God made voicemail, right? So I look over at the caller ID, and it's Prime's number. Naturally, I answer it.
In probably the most excited voice I've ever heard out of him, he says they have a house. They closed at the end of the day, so they weren't going to go car shopping, but they, indeed, have a house and could finally start moving in. I'm happy for him.
Naturally, more drama was to follow, but that's to be expected in any life. So far, he had issues hooking up the hoses for the washer so they could finally do laundry. They got that worked out. And most recently, their son decided to drop five Transformer toys down an open vent on their second floor. Oh, what fun.
Oh, yes. The car. Well, Prime wanted to get together on Friday to celebrate and revealed that he had managed to procure a silver 2006 Mustang convertible as a car. The poor car got a beating in the recent hail storm, but that beating amounted to $5000 off the selling price, and since their son was acting up, it put his wife in a bit of a sour mood, which only served to entice them to knock off another $1000 to seal the deal. They are quite the happy campers at this point.
In the end, he said it all couldn't have worked out any better. You see, before he lost his job in Missouri and moved down here, he had a house and a Mustang. Since he got here, he's been in a crappy apartment with an Explorer. But now, he's back to the house and Mustang. Funny how life works.
Instead, like a kid waiting for that perfect girl to call, he spent a lot of his week hovering over the phone, just in case the underwriters got their act together (finally) and decided to hand over the money. He said he enjoyed his first couple days off, but by Wednesday, he was anxious because he felt like he was wasting his vacation by not being able to move.
On that Tuesday, he knew that the underwriters wanted to look at the appraisal again before they moved forward. He was informed that this "looking at the appraisal" would take 24 hours and it would be another day after that before they could close because they'd have to schedule a time for everyone to get together. I imagine by this point, the sellers were probably getting anxious as well (but don't quote me on that).
Add to this that they still didn't have a car. The plan was that they close on their house and then run to the car lot to get a car. Talk about spending some money in a week. So Wednesday had also come and gone without a house and without a car, so they'd been trapped at home thorughout half his vacation at that point.
And just to heap something else onto the pile, their plan was to wash the laundry that was drenched during the ceiling incident (read: all of it) once they moved in. Well, by now, this laundry was getting pretty rank, and they were running out of things to wear. Patience is a virtue, but I think this would have been more than I wanted to deal with. I'd've broken down and found a laundromat since their complex's laundromat was nothing to write home about...well, then again, their whole complex was nothing to write home about.
One really has to wonder about these Case and Associates people. They own a huge number of aparment complexes around here, so it would stand to reason that they're doing something right...right? I asked Prime about this, and he commented that it was their office staff. Not only are they incredibly nice, but apparently the company feels that men are the ones doing the apartment shopping as the office is staffed with women of model standards of appearance. I guess the idea is to lose the shopper in their appearance and forget about how crappy the place looks, so by the time you figure out what just happened, you're stuck in a lease.
So by Thursday here, the waves had calmed down pretty much, and my day was nearly over when at 4:59, my phone rings. I roll my eyes thinking that someone decided to wait till the last minute to call and that there was no way I was going to pick that up. That's why God made voicemail, right? So I look over at the caller ID, and it's Prime's number. Naturally, I answer it.
In probably the most excited voice I've ever heard out of him, he says they have a house. They closed at the end of the day, so they weren't going to go car shopping, but they, indeed, have a house and could finally start moving in. I'm happy for him.
Naturally, more drama was to follow, but that's to be expected in any life. So far, he had issues hooking up the hoses for the washer so they could finally do laundry. They got that worked out. And most recently, their son decided to drop five Transformer toys down an open vent on their second floor. Oh, what fun.
Oh, yes. The car. Well, Prime wanted to get together on Friday to celebrate and revealed that he had managed to procure a silver 2006 Mustang convertible as a car. The poor car got a beating in the recent hail storm, but that beating amounted to $5000 off the selling price, and since their son was acting up, it put his wife in a bit of a sour mood, which only served to entice them to knock off another $1000 to seal the deal. They are quite the happy campers at this point.
In the end, he said it all couldn't have worked out any better. You see, before he lost his job in Missouri and moved down here, he had a house and a Mustang. Since he got here, he's been in a crappy apartment with an Explorer. But now, he's back to the house and Mustang. Funny how life works.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
All In The Details
Sorry it's been some time since I updated this, but last week was a bit crazy, and although I had a really good weekend, I didn't have any time to sit at the computer and type something up except for the couple of times I found a few moments.
On the home front, the princesses have a knack for making the Queen crazy. On the one hand, it's normal kid stuff, but on the other, at least Rock Girl should know better since she's old enough to do and know a lot of things the younger ones can't (though The Socialite is getting there). The biggest issue actually began last week when Rock Girl complained that she didn't have any clothes to wear primarily because the Queen isn't washing their clothes as soon as they bring them in.
Now, note that the Queen did wash their clothes as soon as they were brought in, but there was one main reason as to why she didn't have the clothes she was looking for. When the Queen was going through their room, she found a stash of clothes the Rock Girl had not brought in and within this stash (that Rock Girl had assured her was brought in there) were the clothes she was looking for.
So what is the price of crossing the Queen? Not good, let me tell you. You see, at the time the Queen discovered this little revelation, Rock Girl had procured herself some time on Guitar Hero and was kicking butt and taking names. I mean, she was downright impressive, and beat the game on easy. The victory dance for beating the game on any level is playing Through the Fire and Flames against the mountain spire background without fear of failing the song. It's pretty cool.
Well, discipline can suck sometimes. First, she had gone over the time allotted to play the game. Second, she had given the Queen a hard time over clothes not being washed that she had failed to take into the laundry room. The Queen does not being called lazy and stupid in this manner, so Rock Girl's elation over beating Lou was shattered by having to turn off the game before the victory song and going in to work on her room.
Now, we can be strict, but later, during dinner, the Queen was sure to give Rock Girl her props for beating the game and the assurance the she is loved.
She was also given the privilege yesterday of playing against Lou again, so we could all watch her kick his butt yet again. She didn't get the victory song, but she playing Through the Fire and Flames anyway off the bonus list, and got 83% through it before failing the song... and let me tell you, she did an awesome job before hitting that troublesome section that got her. I'm super proud. She's getting that game down pat.
Later yesterday evening, we watched Dancing With The Stars. They enjoy it, and if I want to spend time with anyone, I'm in there as well. What's interesting is the apparent reason each of them watch it. I know Rock Girl and the Queen enjoy the dancing parts, but the Socialite appears to derive more enjoyment from ooh-ing and ah-ing the dresses the women are wearing. She's declared that she has to have the pink one with the feathers.
Since I had to work the previous evening, I was getting quite tired by the end of the night, and so the Queen and I went to bed. The Queen usually asks for a story, and I've taken to telling her either Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. why such odd choices? They're very long and very invovled stories, so despite their interesting nature, it's easy to pass out in the telling.
What I've noticed, however, is how I tell her these stories. Star Wars is almost always linear. I talk about the plot and the characters going through it. I start at the beginning of one of the episodes, and rarely get very far before we both fall asleep.
In Lord of the Rings, by stark contrast, I rarely discuss just the plot. In fact, I often will center on individual characters or pieces of the story, and discussing just those parts takes us right out. Last night, for instance, I talked about just the One Ring. I went over its history, its owners, how it worked, its interactions with the other rings, and it occurred to me today just how much richer the story is for Lord of the Rings is than Star Wars.
Why the big difference? It has to do with the individual stories, I guess. With Star Wars, the only "official" stories are the 6 movies along with the animated series on Cartoon Network. While I've seen all of those along with reading several drafts of the screenplays, I still really only have the plot to run with, though I know much of the characters.
Lord of the Rings, on the other hand, has the novel, the Hobbit, and The Silmarillion, all of which I've read, and these paint the incredible picture of not only the story told in the movies, but what came before, what came after, and everything in between. Tolkien put everything into this world of his to the point that you could talk about one character for a whole evening and hardly get thru it. In the movie, Beren and Luthien were mentioned in passing in one scene, but their story is told in detail in The Silmarillion. Bilbo has a small part in Lord of the Rings, but is the central character of The Hobbit. And only one who knows the stories understands the ring that Gandalf is wearing at the end of the movie version of Return of the King (how many even noticed? Peter Jackson knew it needed to be there).
I haven't always told these stories. One of my best creations came out of her wanting a story. Someday, I must post the stories of "The Man and His Rabbit." But why would she want a story? To hear the sound of my voice as she goes to sleep. I'm ok with that reason.
On the home front, the princesses have a knack for making the Queen crazy. On the one hand, it's normal kid stuff, but on the other, at least Rock Girl should know better since she's old enough to do and know a lot of things the younger ones can't (though The Socialite is getting there). The biggest issue actually began last week when Rock Girl complained that she didn't have any clothes to wear primarily because the Queen isn't washing their clothes as soon as they bring them in.
Now, note that the Queen did wash their clothes as soon as they were brought in, but there was one main reason as to why she didn't have the clothes she was looking for. When the Queen was going through their room, she found a stash of clothes the Rock Girl had not brought in and within this stash (that Rock Girl had assured her was brought in there) were the clothes she was looking for.
So what is the price of crossing the Queen? Not good, let me tell you. You see, at the time the Queen discovered this little revelation, Rock Girl had procured herself some time on Guitar Hero and was kicking butt and taking names. I mean, she was downright impressive, and beat the game on easy. The victory dance for beating the game on any level is playing Through the Fire and Flames against the mountain spire background without fear of failing the song. It's pretty cool.
Well, discipline can suck sometimes. First, she had gone over the time allotted to play the game. Second, she had given the Queen a hard time over clothes not being washed that she had failed to take into the laundry room. The Queen does not being called lazy and stupid in this manner, so Rock Girl's elation over beating Lou was shattered by having to turn off the game before the victory song and going in to work on her room.
Now, we can be strict, but later, during dinner, the Queen was sure to give Rock Girl her props for beating the game and the assurance the she is loved.
She was also given the privilege yesterday of playing against Lou again, so we could all watch her kick his butt yet again. She didn't get the victory song, but she playing Through the Fire and Flames anyway off the bonus list, and got 83% through it before failing the song... and let me tell you, she did an awesome job before hitting that troublesome section that got her. I'm super proud. She's getting that game down pat.
Later yesterday evening, we watched Dancing With The Stars. They enjoy it, and if I want to spend time with anyone, I'm in there as well. What's interesting is the apparent reason each of them watch it. I know Rock Girl and the Queen enjoy the dancing parts, but the Socialite appears to derive more enjoyment from ooh-ing and ah-ing the dresses the women are wearing. She's declared that she has to have the pink one with the feathers.
Since I had to work the previous evening, I was getting quite tired by the end of the night, and so the Queen and I went to bed. The Queen usually asks for a story, and I've taken to telling her either Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. why such odd choices? They're very long and very invovled stories, so despite their interesting nature, it's easy to pass out in the telling.
What I've noticed, however, is how I tell her these stories. Star Wars is almost always linear. I talk about the plot and the characters going through it. I start at the beginning of one of the episodes, and rarely get very far before we both fall asleep.
In Lord of the Rings, by stark contrast, I rarely discuss just the plot. In fact, I often will center on individual characters or pieces of the story, and discussing just those parts takes us right out. Last night, for instance, I talked about just the One Ring. I went over its history, its owners, how it worked, its interactions with the other rings, and it occurred to me today just how much richer the story is for Lord of the Rings is than Star Wars.
Why the big difference? It has to do with the individual stories, I guess. With Star Wars, the only "official" stories are the 6 movies along with the animated series on Cartoon Network. While I've seen all of those along with reading several drafts of the screenplays, I still really only have the plot to run with, though I know much of the characters.
Lord of the Rings, on the other hand, has the novel, the Hobbit, and The Silmarillion, all of which I've read, and these paint the incredible picture of not only the story told in the movies, but what came before, what came after, and everything in between. Tolkien put everything into this world of his to the point that you could talk about one character for a whole evening and hardly get thru it. In the movie, Beren and Luthien were mentioned in passing in one scene, but their story is told in detail in The Silmarillion. Bilbo has a small part in Lord of the Rings, but is the central character of The Hobbit. And only one who knows the stories understands the ring that Gandalf is wearing at the end of the movie version of Return of the King (how many even noticed? Peter Jackson knew it needed to be there).
I haven't always told these stories. One of my best creations came out of her wanting a story. Someday, I must post the stories of "The Man and His Rabbit." But why would she want a story? To hear the sound of my voice as she goes to sleep. I'm ok with that reason.
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