Blood by Pearl Jam

So on most mornings, I pull out my iPod and shuffle the entire music library for a sort of "song of the day." On this Monday, I came up with "Blood" and blood was taken.

There are times in life when you're rendered speechless through the circumstances you endure. In this instance, I had some words, but I refrained from spouting them. It wasn't easy.

I am a geek of many things, but really, my greatest passion is music. I love to play. I don't care what or where, I love to play. At work, there is a band that is going to play for our Christmas shindig, and I get to play keyboard instead of bass at it, which I found very exciting. The email went around for song requests, which got whittled to a few tunes, and we're to practice them to rehearse together.

Being a piano player, I picked an Elton John songs to show off both my piano and vocal skills. It was going to be awesome...except for one minor detail. For some strange reason, the people involved want to spend as little time as possible on this. They don't want anything more complicated than 3 chords, and of course, no original tunes allowed. I was going to get some lead vocal action on two songs...and both of them were cut because they were too difficult.

With a deep breath, I accepted that fate and suggested another one: Bon Jovi's "Bed of Roses." If you've heard this one, it's slow but has some nice vocal stuff going on along with some interesting piano backing to make up for the loss of the Elton John song. however, it was shot down because a) someone ELSE thought "we" couldn't handle the vocals and b) because the solo parts were too hard (i.e. he didn't want to work them up). So, I'm back to whole notes and arpeggios when I have anything at all on the other guitar-oriented 3-chord songs.

Of course, I can't just lash out and be angry and such because it is a group effort and we all have to work together. Not everyone wants the challenge, and they'll even use the excuse of not having time to work on anything harder than what we have. Still, I feel completely rubbed out because everything I had the chance to remotely shine on was cut. Now, I have nothing. Part of me wants to drop out, but I made a commitment and I'll honor it.

All I want, band-wise, is for the guys that enjoyed my original material to get everyone back together. I know I'm self-centered. I know I want it to be all about me. But to an extent, there's another part that simply wants people to acknowledge that I am capable of more than they think I am. In the end, I was relegated to the background on the work thing. I was happy sharing the glory of the spotlight, but I did want them to share it with me. Now, nothing.

It's not the first time people have placed me into THEIR comfort zone and have all but refused to let me grow from that place. This is understandable to an extent. People, in general, have A specialty. One thing that they excel at, and they acquire labels that tell others what they are. A programmer. A bass player. A writer. A pianist. A screenwriter. A director. A composer. People throughout the ages have taken labels such as these, and some people have taken a couple of them here and there. But few can claim them all and then some. The idea of someone having the talent to play everything on stage as well as sing is beyond rare. Pandora's box is opened and I don't mind boasting about it. The Queen has already rolled her eyes and said "oh, here we go."

But people can't comprehend this level of talent. If you do this thing, then this thing is all I can comprehend you doing.I can understand the need to prove oneself. After all, how can you use an unproven talent? What have I proven? I've published two novels; composed music on two albums, sang and played piano, drums, bass, guitar, and even trombone on an album; wrote, produced, directed, shot, and composed the music for a movie you can purchase on DVD. How many people do you know that have that kind of a list? Anyone? I don't.

In the Bible, there is a story that drives me. It is the parable of the talents. Now, I know that a talent is a unit of money, but isn't it curious that Jesus used that specific unit that centuries later would be a talent in one of the predominant world languages to mean an ingrained skill? Jesus chose his words carefully, and I believe this was chosen just as carefully. In this parable, there are 3 guys: one with 5 talents, one with 3, and one with 1. They each went their ways and their master returned, they showed what they did with their talents. The guys with 5 and 3 doubled their money where the one with 1 did nothing. The ones who acted were rewarded. The one who did not was sent away.

I try to bide my time. I try to go with whatever flow I'm in. Sometimes, it's frustrating, but I think the feeling of frustration only shows that I'm willing to do more. I only wish the world would let me.