The Computer Call

So last night as we're sitting down to a healthy dinner of chili dogs and Star Trek, we get a call from some guy with a Farsi accent telling me that he is calling about my computer. Now, these people have called before, but in my initial interrogation, they eventually hung up because the answers they gave made absolutely no sense. This time, I kept the guy on the line longer to try and figure out the purpose of his call.

Spoiler: I never did.

Anyway, he said he was calling about my computer, and I asked the most natural question that any geek should have in such a situation: which one? Well, without missing a beat, he said that they had detected that my Windows or Apple Mac computer had unsolicited programs accessing the internet and these programs were not viruses and could not be detected by regular virus software. I asked how, he said he had already told me that. I told him he hadn't, and he insisted that he could show me if I accessed my computer. I told him I would not give him access to my computer, and he said he would walk me through it to show me one of these programs.

Still curious as to what he is selling (I suspect some kind of registry cleaner or spyware/malware cleaner deal), I go ahead and proceed to my nearest computer and ask him to proceed. He asks if I'm the primary user of my computer. I tell him some of them. He paused at this answer, apparently, uncertain as to how to move on, but finally, he went ahead with his spiel. He then asks if I know where the keyboard is. I have to admit that I was completely thrown by the question. I was like, "What about the keyboard?" He asks again if I can find it. I just say yes, thinking he could not have possibly just asked me that.

Then, he asks me to find the C-T-R-L button in the lower left hand corner of the keyboard. I had to take a moment to inform him that he could speed up a bit here since I'm not a first grader, and am, in fact, a rather savvy user/programmer/sometimes hacker. I can keep up. He acknowledges and then asks me if I can find the little banner key that looks like the Windows symbol. I inform him that I'm well aware of what the Windows key is.

He asks me to hold that key down. I wait patiently for the next step, since there is no reason to just hold that key down without pressing some other key. He is guiding me to a Windows speed key combo, and I was not going to just plug that in without knowing what it is. He asks if I'm holding the key down. I ask him what the next keypress is. He asks if I can find the R button. I confirm that he is asking me to pull up the Run dialog box. I use the darn thing all the time.

Thrown by my phraseology, I guess, he mumbled out something I didn't fully understand. Still playing along, I opened the Run box and wait. He asks me if I see the box that says Run on it. I tell him that I can. He asks if I can see the white space in that box. I confirm that I can, and assure him one more time that I can keep up if he would cut to the chase.

Undaunted by my insistence to speed up, he asks if there is anything in that white box. I tell him that yes, there is the last thing that I typed in that box. It was, in fact, the IP address of a network drive in my house that I used to copy some stuff around, though I didn't go into that with him. He told me to press the backspace button to clear that box out. Little did he know that since the info in there is actually highlights when you open the run box, you can usually just start typing, but you know, whatever.

He had, so far, spent five minutes telling me how to pull up the Run dialog box using what was, no doubt, a page of step-by-step instructions in front of him. He finally got to the meat of his instructions. What to type in that precious box. He said to press E as in echo. I press nothing and wait for whatever he wants me to spell out. He asks if I have an E in that box. I ask him what he wants me to type in the box. He says E as in echo. I say ok.

He moves on to V as in Victor. I assure him, once again, that I can keep up and note, and I actually said "for QA purposes," that he was going irritatingly slow when I've repeatedly told him to move it along. He was unmoved and said to put in E as in echo again. He confirmed "E as in echo, V as in Victor, E as in echo." I confirmed, "Are you asking me to pull up the Event Viewer?" and I quickly typed in eventvwr.

About this time, the Queen was telling me not to do anything they told me to, and I assured her I had it under control, and was still just playing along. However, I glanced at the time, and noted that a) my chili dogs are getting cold and b) I was running out of time for Star Trek since they wanted to watch that Toy Story Halloween special at 7.

I told him I had the event viewer open, and asked very directly what I'm looking for. He asked what I see on my screen. I told him there are lots of things on my screen. What does he want me to look for? He asked if I saw event viewer local. I told him yes, and he asked me to list the items below that. I told him no, and asked what the point of this was. He said he was showing me the programs running. I told him that at this point I was kind of annoyed by how slow he was going and that I really didn't have time for this right now.

And I hung up.

I am still curious as to what he was going for, who he was calling from, and what he was selling since he was basically posing as a technical person calling in response to a message sent from one of my computers. This concerned me, and I really wanted to find out who they were to confirm whether they actually did get something from one of my computers or not. Perhaps they'll call again, and I'll torture them then.

A Social Experiment

The best part about having an anonymous blog is the ability to write about things around me, and no one knows I'm the perpetrator of such things. In this instance, the Queen decided to make me do something in my office that I would, under every other circumstance, never do or participate in. At her workplace, she got this "Boo" thing for Halloween, and was instructed to pass it on, as it were. She decided that I should place one in my workplace too to see what happens. I initially balked at the idea since I just work at work, and don't care about "spirit" nonsense. My motivation is the 2 week paycheck and that's all I need.

However, after some thought, being the progenitor of the action, I figured it would be amusing to see how it plays out, so I gave considerable thought to who I should give this little seed to in order to have the best chance of it taking off. Since I get there very early in the morning, I can pretty much choose who I want. I made my selection of someone I think will actually do it, and has the added bonus of being within earshot (but not eyeshot) of my cubical. I don't normally associate with this person at all - not in the same department or running circles or anything. Hence, the chances that I will be a suspect (besides the fact that I never participate in anything) is so ridiculously low, it's almost amusing.

I made the delivery, and the person arrived about 45 minutes later. They talked to the person in the cube next to them (which I knew they would, since they converse often) who, of course, took no credit for the placement of the item. They pondered who might, but weren't certain since they had no idea when it arrived.

They returned to the topic maybe an hour later, again, kind of wondering where it came from and what the purpose was. Now, the item is little more than a cup of candy, but it has a note that says to do the same for someone else and place it without getting caught. Not only is the conversation amusing, but the overall experiment will be fascinating to track.

We seeded this with one item and instructions to keep it going. How far will it go? Will it take off at all? Will I actually get one myself at some point? What will be the overall results of breaking up the monotony with one random element from what amounts to a random source? They suggested it might be a "spirit thing," and that's not a bad idea, after all, but we all know that I would never be on a spirit committee (insert shudder here).

As the day went on, I gathered from the tone of voice I heard and such that this person was actually a little freaked out by the existence of this random element, and declared they had no idea what to do with it (despite the fact that it contained instructions to "Boo" someone else). They asked people on the spirit committee continuing to declare she didn't know what to do, and of course, they weren't aware of it.

What this means is that my clever choice was probably the worst one I could have made. Rather than the leader I took this person for, they appear to be a total follower unable to make an independent decision. It may not go anywhere. Oh well. I will simply sit back and watch to see how and if it unfolds at all.

Flint Ridge

So in the spirit of recalling memories, I have one from the distant past. Well, really, this is more of an overview because this place was a sort of family tradition for years that just stopped at some point. I'm talking about a place on Highway 412 in Oklahoma called Flint Ridge.

It is my understanding that my parents managed to get in on the ground level in this place when it first came into being, and as property owners, we went up there over the summer and camped out, hiked on trails, and cooked over an open fire. They had pools, mini-golf, canoeing (which I did not like at the time), paddleboats, horseback riding, and I'm sure some other stuff that I don't recall. I recall it being fun to go. We looked forward to it.

Thinking about it now, I don't really know any of the details because it is a parents' job to keep the world fun for the child and disguise whatever else goes into life for a time. As such, I do not know if there were any costs or anything else associated with doing anything, but I don't think there was since I figure I would have heard of something over the several years when we went.

I also don't know why we stopped going. My knee jerk reaction is to say it was the birth of my sister, but I can quickly disprove that since I have a photo of us there in my Facebook albums when she was two and I was fourteen. Hence, the only logical explanation is that something within the family situation changed to disallow our going there. I ponder the time period following the last time I can confirm we went, and I don't have any idea.

As I picture the mini-golf course in my head and smile at the memory, I recall some conversation my parents had over Flint Ridge and something changing there. Perhaps they raised the rates or started charging for the services that were included for all those years. It happens, especially when a place gets big enough. Whatever it was, it was significant.

But many summers of my youth were spent there doing outdoorsy things.

What do I recall the most at this time? Something stupid, naturally. That would be canoeing down the Illinois River, but not the calm, easy ride that one might think of when one might ponder a canoe trip. Oh, heck no.

I recall being very young and screaming every time the canoe hit the rock bed of the river. I recall being scared out of my wits during the entire ride as my parents deftly navigated every obstacle the river offered from that low level where the canoe had to be dragged over those rocks to ensuring they got around tree branches in the water to making sure the canoe did not capsize at underwater obstacles we bumped into. At every turn, my poor parents had to deal with two frantic, screaming children who thought for sure they were going to die at any moment - life jackets or not. Unlike the time where Sassy Pants screaming bloody murder at the carnival rides but loved every moment, we were very happy when the multi-hour canoe ride was over and we were not interested in doing it again.

Of course they made us do it again the next year, but we still hated it.

In retrospect, it was probably fun, and I wish I had tried to enjoy it more, but little kids don't understand those sorts of things. The canoe was made of a heavy metal, was very buoyant and stable, and there was no chance of it being punctured or tipping over, so every fear was completely unfounded. That doesn't even include two loving people who would sacrifice themselves for the pair of screaming brats.

I occasionally think of Flint Ridge, and even asked about it once. I don't recall what my mother said about it though. I get so distracted sometimes. But it was a memory and experience that made me who I am.