Fourteen Years Later

It's very easy to look over the wrongs of the past in retrospect. Hindsight is always 20/20, and you can't ever go wrong trying to figure out what you could have done different. Such lessons are valuable to not allow the same mistake twice, and even teaching what you did wrong to your children so maybe they'll do it right.

My professional history is pretty hideous. Thinking back to high school reminds me of everything I did wrong once it was over. Not stepping up and going out with the Queen then was only one of many mistakes I made. So many... It'll make your head spin, I promise, that anyone could do it wrong so many times and still somehow come out on top. Call it faith or luck -- whatever floats your boat -- but it took me fourteen years to get from lost little kid to being somewhere that I'm happy. I don't feel that it's the end of the road, and you'll understand why in time, but it's brighter than it has been in a long, long time.

My personal life is awesome, though. I have The Queen to myself and three beautiful daughters by her. I don't mind saying that our relationship puts the sitcom world to shame in their sad depictions of marriage being the end of the world. I beg to differ. I don't beg, actually, I insist to differ. We've had our ups and downs through the years, but we are very close, we enjoy spending time together, and to hit the inevitable question, yes, we still make love and enjoy it. Imagine that, a legal marriage where sex is still enjoyed. Stick that up your pen caps, sitcom writers.

The Queen and I are very different people too, if you can believe it. I love my horror movies; she won't watch them. Let me make that clear: it's not that she doesn't like them; she won't watch them. Yeah, and we don't fight over that (although I do have her intrigued over Saw, which she also won't watch). We have dissimilar food tastes (I really don't like Chinese; one of her favorite foods), and I despise TV while she enjoys flipping channels. This isn't a matter of "agreeing to disagree" which only brings a host of suppressed feelings; this is an acceptance of another's desires, an understanding that they are different, and knowing that's ok.

One thing missing in so many relationships is actual true love. People mistake that initial surge of emotion for love, but that's only the activator that gets you close to someone that you could love. True love is an emotion that goes beyond the visual, the physical, and even the conscious perception of another person. It is allowing another person to become a part of who you are and making that piece utterly inseparable and indistinguishable from who you are so that the very thought of that person being gone would be like tearing a piece of you out and throwing it away. The Bible hits it on the head when it has the phrase "the two will become one." That is what true, superior, unconditional love is.

Does conflict happen? Sure. You ever disagree with yourself? Who doesn't? People think over things all the time when making a decision, and when they finally decide, they aren't trying to kill themselves for disagreeing or being a devil's advocate. This is how love works. The Queen and I don't always get along perfectly. We don't always agree. We have our own opinions, and those opinions don't always fit together. But like a decision you make with yourself, we work out the best solution and go with it, letting the other fall by the wayside.

Throw the little ones on top of that mix, and you end up with a lot of pieces of yourself running around out there. Is it always easy? No. It's almost like someone else controls a part of you, and sometimes people don't want to give up that control. I've seen the way the sitcom characters behave, and it is my earnest prayer that people don't really act that way. They aren't that selfish; they aren't that mean; they aren't that self-centered. The sad reality is that I'm sure the characters are based on real people or real situations, and have just been exaggerated.

I'm gone on for awhile today, and really, this is quite long enough for a post without throwing more of the past on top of it. I'll probably continue to jump around here and there with the present and the past stacking on top of each other. After all, life goes on daily and while the past is there to learn from, we can't neglect the moment either, for the moment is where we spend our time. At this moment, I'm wrapping up, and in another moment today, I'll be in an eye doctor's office, while he makes sure one of my eyes hasn't gotten any worse after an accident that happened over ten years ago...oh yes, that story must come up at some point, but not today.

Fourteen years is a long time, and who knows, I might try to step back further, though that won't involve the Queen too much. But when you think about it, your life is a series of events that builds on itself to create you as the person you are now, so there's some potential that you'll know me better than your next door neighbor.

Oh well. Until next time....