Names and the Other Side of the Wall

Probably the best part of customer service is the sheer variety of people you meet, the names they have, and just the volume of information they're willing to divulge that, let's be serious, you really didn't need to, or want to, know.

The top story this time has to do with a conversation I overheard half of before getting the whole story. I heard this:

From the other side of the wall: Yes, we need another contact number for you, because when I called the one we have, I got ahold of your ex-wife ... Yes, sir, it was a really special moment ... Well, sir, we have this thing called QA, and I can't really tell you what she said, but what I will tell you is...um...you're still very much in her thoughts.

Now, the natural curiosity there is how did that conversation go when he did get ahold of that ex-wife using the wrong contact number? I was curious enough to ask, and here's how the conversation with the ex-wife went:

OSOW (Other Side Of the Wall): Is Harold there?
Ex: No, that lying sack of $h1+ moved out five years ago.
OSOW: I'm sorry, we have this number as his contact number. Do you have a better one for him?
Ex: Yeah, I'll bet it's still written on the bathroom wall. Hold on.

A moment passed before she returned and gave the number and said:

Ex: So is this his cell phone provider?
OSOW: Yes, ma'am.
Ex: Be sure and double bill him for me.
OSOW: Yes, ma'am, I sure will.

Add that to the conversation that followed (that came first here), and we laughed hard. I think one of the most distubring points of the tale was that his number was written on the bathroom wall. Think about the circumstances that would leave to such a need to begin with. She would have had to be in the bathroom with a pen an no paper. She was apparently unable to leave at that time, but needed to write it down. Money says the number was within arm's reach of the toilet...on the wall.

While working with a customer one day, I looked through some of the older notes on her account and ran across a most interesting story. A couple weeks prior, this customer called in to get some information about a phone problem and learned that she could renew her contract the following month to get a new phone. One hour later, we received a fax of a death certificate stating the account holder was deceased, so we canceled the account.

The following day, the account holder called in to find out why her phone wasn't working. We told her we received a death certificate showing she was dead. She said she is not dead and wanted her account restored. Can you imagine this argument? I could...

Cust: I am not dead and I want my phone on.
Rep: I do apologize, but we did receive the paperwork and you are showing as being dead. Dead people can't use phones, so we'll have to keep it off.
Cust: I'm talking to you right now. I'm not dead.
Rep: I've always had a belief in the occult and stuff, so you must be coming in from the other side. Do you have unresolved issues?
Cust: Yeah, turn on my phone.
Rep: I'm sorry, but we don't provide service to dead people.

Anyway...I noticed we tried to run credit on her that day, but had some problems. Makes me wonder how far this death thing really went. We eventually found out this death certificate was intended for another account and phone number, so of course, we reactivated and "apologized profusely" per the notes.

Finally, let's talk names. Names are who we are, and more important define us as people to whoever hears our name. On The Simpsons, Bart has a tendency to call Moe's tavern and ask for people like Amanda Huginkiss, Al Coholic, and Mike Rotch. When I was in the Army I saw a Major whose last name was Dick. Honest. Well, I bet Bart never saw these coming. These are all real names because the cell company required a credit and ID verification and everything. Enjoy.

Peggy Greenquist
Patsy Crookshanks
Troy Biggerstaff
Harry Pinkstaff
Jack Dawson (of the Chippewa Falls Dawson's, of course)
Goin Postal
Chandrashekar Mungerveli-Puttappa (say it 5 times fast)
R U Outavit
Erick Ericksen
Gay Love
Candy Roach (yum)
Latoya Bisch
Richard Peters (this was had the added bonus of when you pull up the memos, the system warned it would take awhile)
Patty Pickles
Phuc Nguyen
Pas Pattipan
Shirley Shatswell (she complained of constipation)

And our all time winner...

Fuk King Kwok (but he was changing his name to Andy)