Contract Renegotiation

More stories from Customer Service.

This one I've run across this a couple of times. Someone will send in a payment (any payment), and on that payment, they will write something like "This is my final payment" or "Payment in full." When the horror of another bill comes, they will dial in and say that cashing the check constitutes a legal agreement to the terms they write down.Um, yeah... no. You see, there are a couple of problems with this theory they are putting out there, which is quite the techno urban legend on par with "making any payment at all will prevent collection activity."

First, most check payments are run through an automated process, and no one reads what is on this check beyond the amount; account information is read from the bill stub that is sent with the check, but no one physically reads that either. They are just passed through a big machine that reads this stuff by doing an OCR scan of the writing like some home scanners can do. So no one sees this check. If they called in, no one would agree to what they are saying, nor would anyone in person. How many companies would take seriously a check for $5 against a $10,000 balance that says "Payment in full"?

Second, you agree to charges that you incur and dutifully owe to someone else. Trying to circumvent this with a statement on a check is like borrowing someone's chainsaw and giving them back a yardstick with the word "chainsaw" scribbled on the side of it. They wouldn't take that, nor would a short payment constitute payment in full on any planet -- not even the one these people came from. As in the previous example, the logic on this thinking defies the sanest of minds. This would be like owing $80,000 on my house and if I write "paid in full" on a check for $1, that means I'm done, right? Yeah, we'll see how far that goes...

If we move on to our next winner, this guy had called in with a lot of calls to Directory Assistance, otherwise known as "411." Over the last three bills, he'd managed to garner over $50 worth of charges per month and could not understand why he had been charged because the store had given him a "special number" to program into his phone where this wouldn't happen. After some probing, I learned he'd been given 1-800-FREE411 to call for directory assistance, and he'd even been told to program it into his phone book.

This is a number that works identical to 411, but it contains advertising that pays for the call, so you don't have to. It's an immensely clever idea, and of course, we can't officially recommend it, since we charge for dialing 411. There's even a service in the EasyEdge product that allows 411 information for a nominal monthly charge. So in this guy's case, he needed a solution for his habitual 411 calling, and this 800 number really was perfect. So why was he charged? Did we circumvent the 800 number? Were we onto his scheme of taking our $1.50 per call?

Nope. This genius thought that if this "special number" were merely programmed into his phone book, he'd be able to call 411 an unlimited number of times without being charged. That's dial the 1-411 number, not the 800 number he'd been given. While it's true calling the FREE411 number allows this, having this number simply programmed into the phone won't magically dissipate the charges when you dial the regular 411 number.

I guess with some people, you have to be painfully specific. "Program this number into your phone AND DIAL IT INSTEAD OF 411." Ugh.

And to wrap this trio of insanity, let's talk about questions. I tend to be very specific when I ask questions. It makes my family nuts because I'll keep drilling down with questions to find an answer that they may not know or not feel I need to know. Anyway, I'm just this specific with customers and so this joyful person came up one day.

This was one of those times when the customer doesn't want to lie, but doesn't want to tell you the truth either. What a predicament. Anyway, they had roaming on their bill, meaning they went out of their home area as specified by the plan they selected. The phones tend to be really specific when it comes to whether they are roaming or not. Usually, it's the decrease of service quality and the indicator that gives it away. Once this person got their bill and saw these charges, they called in and immediately asked for credit "because I've been a long time customer."

Long time customers love using that phrase. "I've been with you people a long time and I never ask for anything." It's always "you people," too. They tend to be very impersonal. Sometimes this is good enough, and it's not much, but this wasn't chump change, and this person called in all the time asking for stuff. But I digress... My first question was, "Do you know what your coverage area is?"

The answer I got was, "Yes and no, but not to this extent."

... What?