Been Awhile

You know, I haven't updated this in awhile not because there hasn't been anything to talk about, but because I can't seem to find myself a few minutes to sit down and write anything. I figure anything is better than nothing, and unlike previous attempts to stay updated, I'm not promising anything. Ideally, I'd like to type little tidbits of what's going on, but we'll see how reality treats us.

I suppose the most prevalent issue plaguing my brain at present is my job status. Unlike a lot of people, I am employed without a care for the state of my job. They love me, and depend on me for a lot of stuff, which is good. Nothing is true job security, of course, but I can say I feel pretty secure. But also like a lot of people, I'm not entirely happy. Some days are better than others, and it honestly has very little to do with the work or the people or any of the normal things that people find wrong with their employment. No, in my case, the issue is that  it's not the job I actually want to be doing.

I know that sounds childish, but at the same time, this is my blog, not yours, so I can say what I wish.

My job is basically a support programmer for a remittance program that posts data to hospital information systems. Say that five times fast. I have no problem doing it, and my boss says I do it very well. Like I said, I'm very secure in my position, though obviously careful not to be too secure since there's someone somewhere behind me that can step right up and do the same thing. There always is.

But as I sit here day after day doing this, I have that constant and nagging reminder in the back of my head that in my heart I'm a writer, not a programmer. Programming has its level of creativity, but writing is my true passion. I searched our company's internal job database to see if there was a writer position within these walls, and I found a technical writer project manager. My thought? I want to write. Not manage the writing. Maybe that's narrow of me, and I can say I'm not qualified, but I also have to consider that I grossly "unqualified" for my current position. I think I'm one of very, very few people on this floor without a college degree. Sometimes, it's more important to someone to be able to do a job than to be able to show a piece of paper that they're qualified.

Now, could I potentially manage a group of people writing toward a goal? Of course. I have that level of creativity, and I've done technical writing before. Still, it's not my goal. Do I want to go from one halfway point to another halfway point?

My goal is to be my own writer, and presently, I am hitting the last brick wall of getting agents or publishers to pay attention to my books. Of all the fields of writing, books are probably the easiest to break into because they're the least expensive for anyone to take a chance on. Now don't misunderstand me. This is not to say getting in is easy, because I have yet to be accepted.

But I'm hopeful the time will come, and until then, I'll continue in my halfway point, not doing the dream. It's just one of those days when not being a success is bumming me out.