A Little Too Social

I know man is a social creature. Without everyone else around us, most of us could not survive in any capacity. We each have our place as cogs in the great machine of our society, but there are times when the social aspect can be left aside without any detriment to the greater social order. Yet, there are people out there who simply cannot handle saying nothing to someone. They must make some level of small talk or ... well, I don't know. Their shotgun collar will explode or something.

We just want to cure your introversion. We love you.

In my life, I have come to identify these always-talkers, and occasionally take active steps to avoid them if I not in a talking mood. Most of the time, this is not possible, but when I have control, I take it. This is because most of the time the "conversations" occur, they are completely pointless, and only occurring to make some noise and keep their collars in check (cause they go off if there is silence for 60 seconds, I suppose). Surely, you've had this conversation:

"Hey, how are you doing?"
"Good, you?"
"Doing good. Thanks."

Move along. You never tell the truth in the response because let's face it, the person doesn't actually want to have a discussion with you. They just want to hear their voice to make sure it still functions. Perhaps I should launch into an actual discussion over my life and its various catastrophes, but I'm sure all my various spy capers and hacking escapades would turn their heads and besides, most of it is classified, like the time that I [REDACTED].

When do these conversations occur? Well, one of the weirdest is passing in the hall. It is literally only a few seconds in seeing each other. Read that conversation above and that's about as much time as you have before they're gone. Another is the break room, which is expected, but usually, I only in there for a refill on the water or if I'm particularly desperate, more Dr. Pepper while I sneer at the Diet Mountain Dew (ugh...). You know that story though. Again, though, it's literally and in and out for me while they do much the same thing while refilling coffee or whatever.

A more amusing one is in the elevator. The reason this is amusing is because I've ridden with one of the people with one of those sound-detecting shotgun collars with people from other floors on the way up. They will wait until the extra person leaves before they hit me with the obligatory conversation during the few seconds between the last person's floor and ours. And I was hoping for silence.

If only this were possible in my world.

The most awkward place this occurs? At the urinals in the bathroom. Not kidding. Men generally go to the bathroom alone, and there is a rule that no one talks about anything in there. You do your business and move on. I'm okay with the occasional discussion around the sinks during the hand washing phase (some of you may be unfamiliar with that piece), but while waiting for nature to work its way out, silence is the preferred option. Yet, there are a few guys out there who will inevitably strike up a conversation while you're standing there far beyond just what I have above. Like, they want to chat. Really.

So as to not be that terrible person I've mentioned before, I participate in their conversation. But seriously, it isn't necessary to chat over the urinals.

I know some people thrive on it, and I try to be gracious, but some of us relish that gold of silence, and really enjoy being alone with our thoughts. Conversely, we also like to fill our time with meaningful activities which includes meaningful conversations, so that banal three-liner needs to be abolished entirely. If you want to start a conversation, please do. I welcome originality, creative thoughts, and by all means, prove me wrong on something. And maybe I'm partly at fault for giving the non-answer, but when you only give me 3 seconds before you're out of my life, I'd rather you not say anything.

Images from Saw III and Doctor Who: The Vampires of Venice.