Conference Calls

The business world today is a wonderful flurry of communication. We have so many ways to stay in touch that some people of lesser minds are terribly and easily confused by how many ways we have available. But what is the best way? How can we get things done? How can we bring everyone together? Let me tell you the most pointless, and yet the most popular, in my own humble opinion.

Conference calls.

I hate conference calls. Most of the time when I am invited to a conference calls, it is because of my specialized knowledge. Someone has questions they want answered, and they want everyone on the line to both hear the answers and ask any follow-up questions they may have. To you, this may seem like a good idea, and writing it out, it even rings of sound reasoning. Here's where it goes wrong.

First, when I'm invited to "discuss" this, they never tell me anything about it ahead of time. I'm always invited via email with the title of "Discuss the Meaning of Life" or whatever the topic is. You can't just ship back 42, and be done with it though because they have to "discuss it." What I always wish they'd at least do is send me the questions they have, so I could be prepared, but I'll tell you why they don't do this (anymore). Someone sent me a list of questions they wished to "discuss" on a conference call once. I immediately shot back detailed answers to every one of their questions, and suddenly, we didn't need the conference call. The answers I gave were well worded, and well-researched which is how you respond to an email.

Have you guessed my preferred method? It's email. Here is how email is superior to a conference call. It goes to everyone on the call to read and reply at their convenience. The answers can be detailed and supported with information. They are immediately referenceable, if needed. Anyone can reply with follow-up questions that can also be read and replied to at the convenience of those involved. No one has to make sure they are sitting on the phone at a specific time. No one has to be there "just in case" and end up not participating (as is often the case when I am on one). There have been several calls where I've been called up only to not be needed after all when the issue is nailed down. They just never talked about it in enough detail before the call. Seriously.

A conference call is always chaos. They save up their best questions without revealing any of them ahead of time to watch me squirm. I don't like squirming. They also love blind-siding me with questions about stuff I never expected, and it always takes me some time to look up whatever it is they need to know. It wastes a ton of time for everyone waiting for the answer. They sometimes pepper multiple questions all at once, and I have to ask them to back it up and only shoot one at a time, and sometimes one question leads to another, so they start talking out of turn. One person is inevitably the moderator, and for some reason talks loudly, or yells, the entire time to try to establish that they are in charge of the call. I don't get that.

And email full of questions can take me sometimes up to thirty minutes to wade through, write everything out in a reasonable and easy to understand fashion. A conference call of the same questions will take an hour or more and no one will remember anything from it. Get that? They'll get the gist of it, but most of the time, the takeaway for everyone is that it is begin taken care of. They just needed that reassurance. Now that it is begin taken care of, I have to remember what the heck they asked that I was supposed to take care of.

Emails should be our first line of questioning, especially if there are detailed or in depth questions. They should never be saved for the conference call to be machine gunned all at once. Unfortunately, that is exactly what happens. Every time. Which is why I hate conference calls.